Somewhere With You
by bosswoman88
Summary: what if the night of Deacon's proposal in the kitchen had ended differently? How would things change if Rayna had gone after him?
1. Chapter 1

** So this is backtracking a little bit but I wondered….what if she'd gone after Deacon after he put that ring in her hand and walked out of the kitchen at the end of s2 ? How could it have changed the course of the current season? Some events will probably be minorly the same, but how they happen and their after-effects will be altered.**

_He looks so happy to see her as he stands in the middle of the melee like he's directing traffic. This is his element. Organized chaos. The bigger the better. Luke Wheeler might as well have invented the phrase "go big or go home." _

_ Rayna watches as caterers unload a five tier wedding cake, and a groom's cake with Luke's face on it. _

_ Really, she thinks silently, How on earth did this get so out of hand? This isn't a wedding. It's a damn circus. _

_ There is no turning back now. Some higher power has made the decision for her, as if it knows what she's been trying to deny all along. _

_ He notices her slowly making her way up the path then, and walks towards her, a confident, happy stride to his step. _

_ "Babe, what are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you before the wedding, it's bad luck," he says, leaning in to kiss her. _

_ But she flinches before their lips make a connection. _

_ His brow furrows. "What? Whatsa matter? You got that look on your face like someone died or somethin'. Everything alright?" _

_ Rayna's face wavers as she takes both of Luke's hands in hers. "Listen, I've been going over and over this in my head, Luke, and I….I've made an awful mistake." It took every bit of courage she could find to say those words. "Luke, I can't marry you." _

_ The hands that had been holding hers abruptly are yanked away and he takes a hard step back. _

_ "Is this a goddamn joke?" _

_ Tears blur her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Luke, and I pray some day you'll understand how much this hurts me too." _

_ His eyes grow huge, and a vein in his neck looks like it will bust any second. "Understand! What the hell is there to understand? You tell me, Rayna. What is there to understand?" _

_ She has rehearsed most of this speech all the way here. Except for the last little part. She hasn't been able to make herself say that part out loud yet. Saying it out loud will make it real. Again. _

_ She's been here before. _

_ "I keep making the same mistakes, Luke," she says quietly. "And continuing this same cycle, and I need to break it once and for all."_

_ Luke walks a few steps away from her, and put his boot directly through a stack of neatly lined up white folding chairs. "You couldn't have figured this out a little earlier?" he shouts, his voice growing louder and angrier with each word. Set-up workers were starting to turn around to check out the commotion. "I got five hundred people showing up here in a matter of hours. 18 kegs of beer, 600 pounds of shrimp and steak, and a reporter for People Magazine. How the hell am I supposed to undo all this?" _

_ "I'm so sorry," she says again, her bottom lip trembling. "And it's not you. It's me, Luke. It's the person I've always been, the life I've always had. And this isn't it. You know I care about you, but this…all this, it isn't me." _

_ His expression melts a little, and he looks more hurt than angry. "Rayna don't do this," he said with a hitch in his voice. "I love you. I don't get it. Why would you do this?"_

_ "I can't do to you what I did to Teddy," Rayna says quietly. "I can't make you a casualty of my life."_

_ "I'm not Teddy! This ain't some shotgun wedding to keep everyone from knowing the father of your child is a drunk asshole." _

_ She winces at the slur on Deacon's character, and takes a breath. _

"_Or him. I can't do it to him again either." _

_ "You mean Deacon," Luke says, gritting his teeth, his eyes flashing with blue fire. "Is that it? This is all about Deacon, isn't it? It always goes back to you and Deacon." _

_ Rayna closed her eyes and a tear fell. "Luke, you're not hearing what I'm telling you. I can't marry you because…. _

_ Luke's eyes darken, and the truth she's trying to tell him, the humiliating truth, the words she's not saying slam into him like an 18 wheeler sliding sideways across the highway. Again, she'd said. I can't do this AGAIN._

_ "Oh my god," he whispered, his voice low and laced with fury. "Don't even say it," he says. "Don't you dare even say it, Rayna." _

_ But she needs to say it out loud. It's the only way to make it real. _

_ Rayna takes a deep breath and speaks the words that will change everything. _

**####################################**

**Three Months Earlier….**

Rayna stood in the middle of her kitchen with that ring crushed tightly in her fist.

She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over as his words echoed over and over again, his kiss still fresh on her lips, her face still warm where his hand had touched her cheek. _You and me, Ray. That's how it's supposed to be. _

Time froze and the rest of the world turned hazy as she listened to the echo of Deacon's footsteps get farther away as he stepped around her and towards the door. She heard it click gently, firmly behind him.

"_Wait_," she wanted to say. But it was too late.

She didn't know how her feet moved, but her heart was winning over her logic, and before she knew it, she was moving towards that door, swiping her keys off the counter. Walking quickly, faster, running.

It was merely a minute since he'd walked away, but the seconds felt like hours.

When she threw opened the front door, she dreaded to look, afraid she'd see nothing but the red glow of his taillights going down her driveway. Afraid she'd have to go after him, even though every fiber of her logical being was screaming that it was wrong. She'd let Luke put a ring on her finger tonight in front of 70,000 people, made a promise to spend the rest of her life with him.

No matter what she felt for Deacon, what she'd _always_ feel, it was too late. She needed to make him understand that.

Rayna didn't have to worry about chasing him down, though. He was there. Leaning against his truck in the moonlight, head down, hands in his pockets. Waiting. He knew her too well.

He looked up when he heard her boots crunching on the gravel. Didn't look surprised at all.

"You don't get to do that," she said, almost angry. "Just say all those things and walk away like that. Just kiss me like…like none of it even mattered! All the secrets and lies, and the years of pain we caused each other….I can't do this with you again."

"Didn't say anything I didn't mean," he said simply.

She knows this, because Deacon _never_ says anything he doesn't mean.

The tears she'd been forcing away spilled over, and she could swear she could feel her heart being ripped in two. "You can't ask me to do that, Deacon. Choose between the two of you. Luke is a good man, and I'll have a good life with him. But you…you're Maddie's father. We'll always be in each other's lives. That's the way it has to be."

Deacon's blue eyes stared her down intensely. Knowing.

"You'll never marry Luke," he said quietly.

All the anger and frustration drained out of Rayna's face, and deep down, somehow she knew he was right, though it would be a long while, months, before she will admit it to herself. He knews her, sometimes better than she knew herself. He always had. "You don't know that," she said haltingly.

"Yes," he said, his voice soft. "I do. If you were gonna marry Luke, you wouldn't be standing here with me. You would have let me leave and never walked out that door. You can say a lot of things, but…you can't say you don't love me, Ray. That's the one thing I'll never believe."

Rayna couldn't find the words to speak, but he reached out for her, pulled her in close, and somehow it happened again that she was in his arms again, and they melted into each other like they always had, like they were two halves of the same soul pulled back together.

"You should go," she said a few long minutes later, abruptly pulling away from his comforting hug, rubbing her arms where they are suddenly cold in the early fall night air. She doesn't like the way he makes her feel, like all her common sense has gone out the window.

"Why?"

"Because," she whispered. _Because I'm afraid of what will happen if I stand here in the dark one more second with you. _

With a sigh, he nodded. "Guess you got a lot to think about. We both do."

So Deacon left her standing there in the dim courtyard light and climbed into the driver's seat of his truck. He sat there for a few minutes, trying to absorb everything that had happened in the last few hours, leaning his head against the steering wheel, closing his eyes, trying to settle down the fire burning in his chest.

He hadn't planned it this way. Hadn't planned it at all, really. But seeing Luke propose, seeing the hurt on Maddie's face… he had to do _something_. He couldn't let her marry the wrong guy again without telling her how he felt.

He was startled when he went to turn the key and suddenly the passenger door opened and Rayna resolutely climbed up in the cab without a second's hesitation. "What are you doing?"

"I think I've probably gone crazy," she said quietly, her eyes burning into his. "But take me with you."

A slow smile spread across his face. "Thought you wanted me to go."

"I don't want to think about anything," she said, her voice wavering. "Tonight I just want to be somewhere with you."

He reached for her hand, one fist still tightly clenching that silver band. And gently one by one he kissed her fingers and uncurled them. Slowly he slipped the seven karat diamond off her finger, dropped in the cupholder, and replaced it with the simple silver band.

And she let him.

"There," Deacon said, satisfied. "That's a hell of a lot better, ain't it?"

She physically hurt inside, staring down at that ring, thinking of everything attached to its meaning. All the years of pain, and secrets, and lies….all the years of love, too. It hadn't been all bad. And still it had survived.

The ring in the cupholder had no history yet, no scuffs or scratches, or stories. It was a beginning; clean, a fresh start, all she ever wanted.

They drove to his house, not speaking in the dim light of the truck cab, him holding her hand across the console. Rayna knew where they were going, didn't need to ask, wasn't surprised when he took her home, to the house that is his and used to be "theirs".

They didn't speak. They didn't need to, as she walked up the front porch steps in front of him. He is close behind her, his hand gentle in the small of her back, reaching to unlock the door and push it open.

That place, that man, is exactly what she needed right now, Rayna realized as he led her down the dark hallway to his room, his fingers still firmly tangled in hers. He wasn't letting go. It had been years since that place was theirs, but it was familiar, comforting. Somehow it silenced the internal battle that has been eating her up inside all night, since the moment she saw Luke get down on one knee, and beyond him, Deacon's pained expression as he stood in the front row near the stage.

"Ray…" Deacon's voice was low as he sat on the edge of the bed, both of her hands still tangled in his as she stood in front of him. Splinters of moonlight coming from the window behind them casted shadows on her face, and her eyes were pained. He hated to see her hurting. He always had. "You know, if I could go back….if I could do it all over again and change things…."

He would have given his life to take away every ounce of pain he'd ever caused her.

"Deacon," she whispered. "I think we're done talking."

He pulled her in, pulled her mouth against his, her body against his, back onto the bed that became theirs once again. And she let him, because in that moment, it was more right than anything she'd ever felt, and the rest of the world be damned.

The cool sheets against her skin, the familiar wool blanket. The pillow that smelled like his cologne, the guitar-calloused hands that worshipped her. They were all so familiar, and sweet, and so damn good that Rayna's soul cried silently inside. She wanted this, so bad, but the fear was there too. The fear that it wouldn't last, that there was too much water under the bridge and too many demons.

So they don't talk. They don't talk about rings, or regrets, or what the morning will bring. They just love.

And for now, in that moment, it is enough.

############################

Rayna wakes in Deacon's arms before the light of dawn, her common sense returning. Her guilt returning. Her fear overtaking it all. _What was I thinking_, she thinks, silently cursing herself and her lack of willpower when it came to him. _I can't do this with him again_. _My god, what the hell have I done? _

She'd let Luke put that ring on her finger, and promised the rest of her life to him….and then promptly proceeded to jump into bed with the one man she could never seem to say no to.

And still, as she looked over at Deacon sleeping next to her with a contented half smile on his face and his rumpled dark hair, it hurt to leave him. How easy it was to fall into old patterns, the way they'd always slept, with her on her right side, and him curled around her drawing her close.

Those old patterns were the very thing that scare her to death.

With her heart aching, she eased away from his warmth, and tiptoed around, gathering up strewn about articles of clothing, and slipped out of the room and down the hallway to the bathroom, where she dressed quickly, and headed for the front door.

She reached for the door handle, but to her surprise it opened, and she finds herself face to face with Scarlett, herself returning in the early morning hours.

The embarrassment on both of their faces was evident, but there was an understanding as well between women who have done things they know they're going to regret later.

Scarlett ducked around her to go in, Rayna slipped around her to go out, and neither one of them looked back.

########################################

Deacon knew it before he opened his eyes. He could feel it. She was gone.

With a sigh, he reluctantly dragged his gaze to her side of the bed. Empty.

His eyes traveled to the nightstand. A folded piece of paper waited, and on top of it, the weight of a familiar silver band.

With a heavy heart he unfolded the piece of paper. He couldn't help but think of how many hits songs made up of their words he'd read in that familiar handwriting.

_Deacon, _

_ My only regret leaving here this morning is that I know it will hurt you. I love you. You know I will love you for the rest of my life, and we will always be a part of each other's lives, but I can't take the chance on us again. You are a good man, and you deserve someone who can love you without doubts. Forgive me. R _

Deacon crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it aside.

Frustrated, angry, he stalked down the stairs. He stomped around the kitchen, making himself coffee, slamming cupboards and drawers, before he couldn't take it anymore, and walked out the kitchen door.

He sat in the backyard for a long time on the wooden swing, twirling that silver band between his fingers broodingly. Twice now, she'd given it back.

Two times was enough for him.

Angrily, he reared his arm back and threw it as hard as he could. It disappeared into the grass somewhere, but he didn't bother to watch where it landed. This time he wasn't getting it back.

###############################

Rayna had walked down the street far out of view of Deacon's house before she called for a cab.

By the time the sun was rising, she was back in her own bed, but she didn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, her dreams taunted her.

She pretended to sleep though, when she heard the click of the bedroom door, and Luke slipped into the bed next to her, and wraps his arms around her.

It is a different kind of comfort than the arms that held her all night. It is comforting for all the wrong reasons. Luke is safe, a clean slate, a promise of a new beginning without the demons of the past. He was every woman's dream.

She _did _love him, in a different way. Admired him, maybe, the way he never doubted himself, the way he went after exactly what he wanted with no hesitation. He had the world at his fingertips, and he wanted to share it with her and her girls.

"Mornin, babe," he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Hey," she said tiredly. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I promised pancakes, remember?"

She remembered now. The girls would be home in a few hours, and then Luke's kids would show up not much later. There would be wedding talk, and talk about their tours, their schedules, their future together as a family.

"I remember," she said, mustering up a little smile.

"Last night was something else, wasn't it?"

Tears burned her eyes, and she forced them away with every bit of strength she had. "Yeah," she whispers. "It sure was."

"You and me, Rayna," Luke said, picking up her hand to admire the 7 karat ring that was back on her finger. "What we got is damn near perfect. I guess timing really is everything."

"Yeah," she said with a soft sigh. "I guess it is."


	2. Chapter 2

Scarlett came out on the backporch. "Well I'm packed and-." she paused. "What in the hell are you doing? Have you finally lost your mind?"

Deacon was on his hands and knees clear across the yard, rustling around in the weeds by the garden shed.

He sat back on his heels, annoyed at being caught as he watched his niece walk across the yard towards him. "Looking for something, obviously. Get over here and help me, will ya?"

Scarlett stood there with her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows. "You did it again, didn't you?"

"Just shut up and help me look."

With a sigh she dropped down next to him and ran her hands lightly over the grass. "Alright, which direction did you throw it?"

"I'm not sure," Deacon waved his arm around. "Somewhere over here."

"How not sure?"

"I closed my eyes, alright?" he said, exasperated.

Scarlett's mouth twitched.

"There ain't a damn thing about this that's funny."

"Well," she supplied. "At least you didn't throw it off a bridge, yet. You do that and you're on your own."

He gave her a Look. "You know, I love you, Scar, but you're a real pain in my ass sometimes."

Something glittered in the grass behind him, and Scarlett triumphantly reached over and plucked the shiny silver circle up.

"Yes, but what would you do without me?" She said sweetly.

He sighed as she dropped it into his hand, and walked over to the porch.

Scarlett followed behind him, picking up the notebook he'd left on the side table next to his guitar.

"This something new?"

"Might be," he said begrudgingly, reaching out to snag it back.

But she got a good look at the lyrics of the first couple lines, and that was enough.

"You singing this at the NPR thing later?"

"Thinking about it."

Scarlett got real quiet. "I saw the papers. Rayna and Luke getting engaged last night….sounds like that Bridgestone thing was quite the show.

Deacon kept his face expressionless.

"You know what's funny, though" Scarlett added. "is that I could sworn I met a woman that looked just like Rayna comin' out your front door this morning before the sun was up."

"I don't wanna talk about it," he grumbled. "Unless you wanna talk about where _you _were comin home from at 6 am."

"No I most certainly do not," Scarlett said with a sigh. "But that explains why you're tossin that ring around again. Maybe there's something to be said for letting go and moving on, you know? Saying your goodbyes and all. However you gotta…say em."

He didn't say anything, but she could tell from the look in his eyes he was hurting, so she let it be.

"Come on," she said gestured towards the door. "No more questions. Help me finish packing my car so I can hit the road."

"You really sure you wanna do this?"

"Yup," Scarlett said as they walked into the house. "Gotta start over somewhere else. There's nothing left for me here, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Deacon said quietly, staring down at the silver band he rolled between his fingers. "I think I do."

With a sigh he reached for his phone on the nearby patio table, typed off a quick message, and added Maddie's name to the contacts bar. He debated a long time whether or not to add that second name.

In the end, he hit send before he could change his mind.

#########################################

Rayna sat at the counter sipping her coffee and watched as Luke made his way around her kitchen. He was right at home, going on and on about wedding plans and the tour. Behind her, the girls and Luke's son Colt were waiting at the big round kitchen table.

She had to be honest, none of the three kids looked too happy. Maddie looked absolutely miserable, Colt had a pair of headphones on to drown out the rest of the world, and Daphne was stuck uncertainly between them looking like she wasn't really sure if she was supposed to be happy or not.

Luke was standing at the gas stove humming to himself and flipping pancakes. He was competely oblivious to the kids sour dispositions and the inner turmoil she was hiding as she sat there. The guilt was overwhelming, that she was watching him play the family man when five hours ago she'd woken in the arms of someone else. And it wasn't just that it was someone else, it was _Deacon._

Bittersweet thoughts crowded her mind and made her heart ache and her eyes burn.

When she'd left Deacons bed that morning, left that ring, left that man that had been brave enough to lay everything on the line last night and tell her how he felt, she'd known with every step she took away from his house that she was leaving _that_ man behind for this one. There was no going back now.

She knew it was the right thing to do.

She loved Luke.

She did.

He was a good man with a good heart. And just like most of the other musicians in this town, his fame hadn't come easy either. He deserved everything he had, and he'd earned it. And he wanted to make a life with her and her girls. By any rights she should have felt like the luckiest woman alive.

Instead she felt like the guiltiest.

"What do you think? Spring?" Luke was saying now, bringing her out of her thoughts as he flipped the last pancakes onto the platter and carried it to the kids at the table. "Outside at the ranch, maybe? That'd be really pretty."

"Hmmm?" she said absently.

"For wedding dates," Luke repeated patiently as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pushed her hair aside to nuzzle her neck. "Although, there's always Vegas. Soon as possible is good for me."

Her smile wavered. "Babe, why don't we just let it sink in a little before we think too far ahead. Let the kids get used to the idea."

He laughed, gesturing towards the table. "They're fine. They'll be used to the idea in a couple days, and makin all kinds of plans of their own. You'll see."

She glanced at their kids again. Once thing was for sure; they certainly were not 'fine'.

Her heart hurt all over again. _I should be happy_, she thought. _We all should_. _This'll be a whole new life for us. _

She needed to put the past in the past once and for all, and leave it there.

And she would.

She glanced down at the ring on her finger again.

She'd do it by marrying Luke Wheeler.

The rest of breakfast was an awkward, stilted affair, and it seemed to Rayna that the harder Luke tried, the worse the silence got.

Maddie finally asked to be excused.

"Please, Mom?" she said quietly.

"Honey, you barely touched your breakfast."

"I'm really not that hungry."

With a sigh Rayna nodded, and watched her oldest daughter quickly flee for the stairs, tears shimmering in her eyes that she couldn't hide.

#########################################

She gave Maddie 10 minutes before she went to check on her, knocking on the door softly before she opened it.

Maddie was laying facedown on her bed, her pillow wet with tears. "Mom, I really just want to be alone for now."

Rayna sighed. "Now honey I know everything last night was a little unexpected…..you want to talk about it?"

"No. I don't want to talk about it," she burst out. "And I don't want to sit around and listen to you make wedding plans with Luke and talk about how much our lives are going to change _again_ and how we're all supposed to be one happy family."

"Maddie, please," Rayna put a soothing hand on her shoulder.

Maddie sat up, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Do you hate him?" she asked flatly. "Deacon. You hate him, right? Because of the accident, and me….and everything that happened before."

She looked stunned. "Of course not, I could never, ever hate him."

"Well then you love him, right?" Maddie persisted. "Because if you don't hate him-."

Rayna sighed. "Maddie it doesn't work that way. It's not just black or white like that."

Maddie stood up angrily, pacing. "Why? Why can't it be? I _know_ you love Deacon, Mom. Why can't it just be that easy?"

_Why?_ She wanted to say. _Because there's too much at stake now, too many lives and hearts on the line._

But she didn't_. _Maddie had a good relationship with Deacon now, and no matter what she felt or didn't feel, she absolutely would not let it touch that.

"Because grown up relationships are very complicated, and there's a grey area in between that you're much too young to understand," Rayna said softly. "Deacon is your dad, and he will always be a part of our lives, but….we are not going to get back together, sweetheart. And you have to accept that."

"I don't get you…." Maddie muttered. "You and Deacon…. You and Luke… I don't get any of it. And now everyone's leaving. You and Deacon both."

"Is that what's really bothering you? Me going on tour again?"

"A little," Maddie admitted.

"Maybe a little combination of everything?"

Maddie's eyes teared up again.

Rayna pulled her in close for a hug, and was relieved when her daughter didn't pull away. "All you have to know right now is that we all love you. The three months will fly by, and I'll be home again before you know it. You and Daphne can fly out whenever we can arrange it with school, and I'll come home whenever I can. We've done this before, right? It'll be okay. I promise."

Maddie's phone buzzed from where it was laying on the bed nearby, and she pulled away from her mom to scoop it up.

Rayna watched as Maddie looked down at the screen, and her face changed. "Deacon is playing at the Bluebird tonight, Mom. He wants us to come."

"Us?"

"Yes. You, me and Daphne."

Her heart sunk a little more. Luke's tour left tomorrow as well as hers, and Deacon was on that tour as an opener. It would be Maddie's only chance to say goodbye.

"Honey, I can't take you," Rayna said regretfully. "Luke and I are doing that charity event tonight. But I'll ask Aunt Tandy or Daddy if they can take you. Will that make you feel better?"

"A little," Maddie admitted quietly.

Rayna patted her on the shoulder once more. "Make sure you have all your stuff for Daddy's packed, okay? I'll be downstairs making some calls."

She slipped out of her daughter's room and leaned against the wall outside the door for a minute, trying to regain her composure, Maddie's words still cutting through her soul. _I know you love Deacon. Why can't it be that easy? _

_ Oh sweetheart, I wish it could, _she thought.

She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and unwillingly scrolled to the inbox, half expecting to find a message from him. _Come to the Bluebird. Sing with me. _

But there was none.

###############################################

Tandy blew into the house like a hurricane later that afternoon, her arms laden with wedding magazines.

"Rayna?" She called as she walked through the house. "Where are you? We need to talk. I had to go and hear my sister was engaged from reading it in the _Tennessean_-."

She paused in the doorway to the music room, because there was Rayna indeed. Her sister didn't look too much like a person who had just gotten happily engaged and was planning the rest of her life. In fact, she looked pretty damn miserable. An album from 20 years ago was playing softly on the record player, and Rayna was curled up on the sofa. A wooden crate lay open on the coffee table in front of her.

Tandy dropped the magazines on the table and inspected the first item on top of the pile, a framed picture from years ago of Rayna and Deacon backstage at a concert somewhere. She peered into the box, and realized it was full of photographs, records, love letters from the 11 years they'd spent together. _My god, _she thought, _this is the saddest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe she kept all this._

"Well, this isn't the sight I exactly expected to find," Tandy said wryly. "But first, let me see this damn ring the whole country is talking about."

With a sigh, Rayna raised her hand and let it be inspected.

"My god!" Tandy said, her mouth dropping open. "That thing's worth more than the yearly GDP of a small country. And _why_ do we look so miserable again?"

"Deacon was here last night," Rayna said quietly, rubbing her hands across her eyes. "After the concert. He just…showed up here."

"For Maddie?"

"For me. He asked me to marry him."

The rest she couldn't bring herself to say out loud, how he'd said his piece and left her standing there… how it had been _her _choice to go after him. How she'd woken up this morning in his arms. That part was her own, and she just couldn't share it, even with Tandy.

"He asked you to marry him," Tandy echoed. "Are you _kidding?_ On the same night you got engaged to someone else? What the hell what he thinking?"

"Yep," Rayna said with a sigh. "Said he loved me, that he's changed….And it's true, you know? He has changed. A lot. I can't deny that."

Tandy's eyes were huge. "Well, what did you say? You didn't tell Luke, did you?"

"Of course not," Rayna said indignantly. "They're going on tour together for three months. I don't need them killing each other before they get back."

Tandy sunk down onto the couch next to her sister. "So you told him no, then. I mean, you weren't really considering it, were you? Deacon over Luke?"

Rayna's eyes blurred with tears. And that was enough of an answer.

Tandy took a deep breath and reached for the stack of bridal magazines. "Maybe looking at these will make you feel a little better, huh? Get you a little excited?"

"Maybe," she admitted.

"You're doing the right thing, honey," Tandy said reassuringly. "You and Luke will be happy, you'll see."

Rayna forced a smile. "You're right. I know we will." Resolutely she reached out and put the top back on the box of her history with Deacon. "I think I'm done with this."

It was time to close the lid on the past and start a new future.

################################################

With a sigh Deacon snapped his guitar case shut and stood up. The Bluebird had been bustling with activity earlier, but it was empty now. Chairs on the tables, lights dimmed. Erin, the manager was somewhere in the back doing stock, but besides that he was the last one out.

The public radio show had been good, and he'd been happy to see the girls show up, albeit a little surprised to see them with Teddy. He hadn't really expected Rayna to be there, but like always when it came to her there was that little sliver of hope that she might. Every time he saw the door open, he keep looking in that direction, and every time it wasn't her.

Finally he stopped looking, but it was impossible not to feel. There was too much of his and Rayna's history in this place _not_ to feel it.

The hurt came out in the music, just like it always did, and there were a couple people in the audience with tears in their eyes by the time he finished the new song he'd written just this morning.

Afterwards, he had to say goodbye to Maddie, since the tour was leaving the very next day. That wasn't any fun either, and Maddie was crying when she left with Teddy and her sister. He felt awful.

The show indeed had been good, but all the rest of the night in general sucked.

Deacon stared at the framed faded picture on the wall behind the stage. Him and Rayna just about 26 years ago now, the first time they'd ever played on this stage.

He'd never get away from it. Rayna was all over this place, this town….his life, whether either of them wanted her to be or not.

He envied Scarlett for a second, the way she'd just gotten in her car and drove away to start over somewhere else. It was starting to sound like not such a bad idea at all. And he would have, if it weren't for Maddie.

Shaking his head with a sigh, Deacon grabbed up the guitar case and turned to go.

But he felt her before he saw her, and turned to find Rayna standing in the entrance to the back hallway, looking like something out of a dream in heels and a short pretty white dress with her hair falling around her shoulders.

Not all pretty for him, though, he thought, pain stabbing his heart. He'd heard earlier Luke had some big charity event going on tonight in town. And he'd heard all about how the guy couldn't wait to show off his new fiancé to the press.

That was mostly why he hadn't expected her to show up.

And yet here she was.

"Hey," she said softly, walking over to where he stood next to the stage. "I heard it was a good show."

"What are you doing here?" he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"I don't want you to go on tour with Luke with things being bad between us," Rayna said quietly. "You're Maddie's dad, Deacon. I want us to be able to raise her up and both be important in her life, and we….we can't have anything unsaid."

He absorbed this for a minute.

He knew she was right. But it still hurt so damn bad.

He was losing her. Again. And somehow it was worse, because it wasn't like it was when she married Teddy, when he was so hell bent for leather that he didn't know which end was up. She was choosing someone else over him because she could, not because she had to.

His eyes travelled the room, the stage, thinking of how many times they'd played their together. This tiny place was the heart of where they'd become musicians, the heart of where they'd fallen in love.

"Did you ever think," Deacon said with quiet laugh. "That if these walls could talk, all the stories they'd tell?"

Rayna gave him a little smile. "Or if they could sing. That'd be even better."

"There's a lot of history here. Us." He gestured to the pictures on the walls, the stage.

"I know," she whispered.

Her blue eyes looked up at him pleadingly, and he knew exactly what she was thinking. She didn't have to say a word.

_Seems like a good place to say goodbye. _

"I wrote a song for tonight," he said, clearing his throat, his eyes so full of pain that it almost killed her. "Will you at least let me play it for you before you go? Here, I mean?"

She swallowed hard. "Okay," she murmured. "Just one song."

Rayna sat down next to him on the edge of the stage and tried not to think about how many other times she'd done this very thing as she watched him reopen his guitar case.

The words cut her soul as deep as she had ever imagined anything could as she listened to him start to play. It wasn't just a song. It was a promise. He was making her a promise.

_My broken promises broke your heart _

_ Time and time again _

_ I let everything fall apart _

_ I was such a fool back then _

_ But you loved me once I know _

_ So many sorrys ago _

_ So here I am _

_ And I just pray _

_ That you will listen long enough _

_ To hear me when I say _

_ This brand new man _

_ Wont let you down _

_ If you let me show you _

_ I know how to love you now_

By the time the last notes faded, there were tears in her eyes, and her hands were shaking.

"I shouldn't even be here," she murmured. "He's waiting for me at home, Deacon. I have to go. This isn't fair to him."

"Don't do it," Deacon said before he could stop himself, and all the thoughts he'd been wrestling with since the moment he woke up this morning and found her gone just spilled over. "Don't marry the wrong guy again, Ray. Things are different now, you know that. And we love each other. We're in love with each other, we can make it work."

She shook her head slowly. "There's too much water under the bridge, Deacon. Too many things to hope against. I have a clean slate with Luke. That's the one thing he can give me that you can't."

He set the guitar aside and reached for her hand, laying his other hand across her cheek for a mere second before it slid to the back of her neck to draw her in until their faces were just a breath away from each other. "Tell me you don't feel that, Ray. Last night….this morning…it's still there. You know it is. You tell me that, and I'll say goodbye. I'll let go."

She can't tell him that, because they both know it's there, and she did one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She pulled away from him his arms and stood up to leave.

He didn't move, but his eyes still locked with hers.

"I'm sorry, she whispered. "About last night, this morning…. I just can't. There's too much at stake. You know that I love you. I've always loved you, but….I'm just so sorry."

"Yeah," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "Me too."

Rayna's face crumpled. "I need us to be okay."

.

.

Deacon closed his eyes. "Yeah," he said. "We're okay."

"Bye, Deacon."

"Bye, Ray."

He felt her then as she lean over and brush a kiss against his cheek softly. Then he heard the click of her heels against the floor and when he opened his eyes again, she was gone.

Of all the little white lies in his life he'd ever told, he was pretty sure that one hurt the most. He was most definitely not okay.

He could say goodbye, but he sure as hell couldn't let go.

######################################################

Rayna spent an hour driving around town before she could compose herself enough to go home. When she had left the charity foundation event a little early, she had feigned a stop at Teddy's to say goodbye to the girls as the excuse. Luke would be there, she knew he would, already in bed waiting for her. He'd have no idea she had been anywhere near the Bluebird, but it didn't make her feel any less guilty about it.

To her surprise and relief, she beat him home, which gave her the perfect opportunity for a nice bubble bath, a glass of wine, and a chance to cry out the rest of her tears.

She was already asleep when he slipped into bed next to her well after two am.

"Hey, baby," he murmured as he pulled her close to him in the darkness.

The whiskey on his breath was nauseating. "Hey," she whispered. "How was the rest of the party?"

"Woulda been better if my fiancé would have stuck around."

His hand trailed a path across her hip.

"Not tonight, okay?" she murmured, rolling back onto her right side and burrowing deeper into the blankets. "It's late."

She is bothered that it made her ill to even think of making love to him at that moment. Even his hands on her arms made her instinctively want to pull away. Something was wrong, not there, gone from what it was before. It was all different now.

The clean slate of their relationship was gone, because now she had written something on it and he doesn't even know it. She'd slept with Deacon the very night he proposed.

In the dark he can't see her face, but the guilt is overwhelming her.

Luke's hands stop moving across her hip. "What?"

'I'm just….really tired."

"You know we're leaving tomorrow on tour," Luke says, irritated, slurring his words a little. "I'm not gonna see you for two months. Can't even get a little bit of sugar before I go?"

But her eyes were already closed as she pretended to sleep.

He grumbled and rolled away from her, irritated, flipped the nightstand light on and off a few times, and threw a couple pillow around in a mini-drunk tantrum.

_Boy, if this isn't like déjà vu_.

In the dark facing away from him, she waited until he settled down and his voice slowed to a deep and even pace, then she slipped out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. She thought she'd cried out all her tears earlier. Not even close.

_I should have never gone to the Bluebird_, she thought, her heart sinking a little more.

Of all the things her and Deacon had been through in the last 26 years, she knew it was just another one of many things they were destined to always fail.

They'd never been that good at goodbyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**A month later…. **

Deacon laid in bed staring at the white hotel room ceiling. Another day, another show….another round of acting like him and Luke Wheeler were best buddies, just like they'd been doing for the last 20 years.

He wasn't sure how much more of this crap he could take.

There was still two months of the tour left. And he was freakin' miserable. Even the love of the music wasn't there right now. He'd barely written a thing since they started. The shows were good, Wheeler's crowd was a noisy, boisterous bunch every night. But he was having trouble getting his heart into it, and a crowd like that, they noticed.

If Luke noticed, he hadn't said anything. Then again, he was too preoccupied with getting his face plastered all over the press releases to pay attention to anything else, and reminding everyone within hearing distance that Rayna Jaymes was about to become the new "missus".

With a sigh, Deacon sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. But he just sat there.

In moments of silence it always came back, that night after the LP Field show.

_Tonight I just want to be somewhere with you. _She'd chosen to follow him, chosen to come home with him, chosen to fall asleep in his arms. And then she'd chosen someone else._ I love you…but there's too much water under the bridge. _

That was the part he didn't know how to get over.

"Whatsamatter?" came the muffled voice buried in the pillow on the other side of the bed.

"Nothin."

She raised her tousled blond head, and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"You know, you can stop acting like nothing's wrong. It's just me," Pam said, covering her mouth as she yawned.

"I don't even know why you're still hangin around."

"Someone has to keep your miserable ass in gear."

Pam wasn't at all what he'd expected, Deacon thought again, not the first time since they'd hooked up right after the tour started. She was one of Wheeler's backup singers, apparently for a few years now, so she was familiar with the "Wheeler" way of running things. He liked her because she told it how it was and very rarely minced words. She also got him to admit more about things with Rayna than he probably should have. They were friends, albeit with benefits perhaps, but they both knew it would never be anything more. It was easy, and no strings attached, and maybe a little bit fun. He needed to remember what that was like.

_I'm in love with someone else,_ he'd said the first night she showed up at his hotel room door.

_Well judging from the look on your face, that person ain't in love with you, _Pam had said bluntly. _Best way to get over someone is get under someone else, don't you know that?_

It was probably the first time he'd laughed in days.

And it wasn't bad having a friend on the tour, someone he could actually talk to. Between listening to Luke and his bragging about Rayna, and Will Lexington and that crazy wife of his, he'd had about as much drama from everybody else as he could take already.

"Nothing's wrong 'cept you keeping me up all night playing poker after the show," he pointed out now.

Pam flashed him a grin. "Had to win my money back from ya." She sat up among the blankets and reached out to touch his shoulder.

"You really okay?"

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"I wouldn't bet all my poker money on that one."

"Don't you got somewhere to be," he grumbled.

"Yeah, we both do," she reminded. "Early rehearsal today. So get your butt in the shower or we're gonna be late."

She could hear him muttering all the way to the bathroom before he slammed the door.

His phone on the bedside table started ringing immediately.

She tried to ignore it, but whoever it must have been determined to talk to him, because the buzzing stopped and started again at least three times.

With a sigh, she reached over and glanced at it as it rang once more. Rayna.

Pam didn't know everything, but she sure as hell knew enough. She'd spent a better part of the last month watching Deacon try to put Rayna Jaymes out of his mind and failing miserably. He might have been good at hiding it in front of everyone else, but she wasn't fooled. It would have been sad if it wasn't just so damn pathetic.

She bit her lip, glancing at the bathroom door, knowing Deacon would be in there til the hot water ran out, a very annoying habit she had caught on to in a hurry. The man did like his long showers. And she reluctantly hit the answer button on his phone.

"Um…hello?"

There was a pause, and Rayna was obviously caught offguard.

"I'm sorry…I'm looking for Deacon, did I get a wrong number?"

"No, it's his number. Sorry, Deacon's in the shower," Pam said, forcing herself to sound as pleasant as possible. "IS this Rayna? You called a bunch of times, I thought maybe it was an emergency. Is Maddie okay?"

Well now Rayna was _really _thrown off, and Pam could tell. She winced. They'd never even met personally and here she was rattling off their daughter's name.

"Yes, it's about Maddie," Rayna said cautiously on the other end of the line. "She's fine. It's not life and death but … can you have him call me please? When he's done um….showering?"

"Yeah," Pam said. "I will. No problem."

Rayna hung up without saying anything more.

Deacon came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, wearing jeans but still shirtless, rubbing his hair with a towel.

"Hey, hot stuff. Your phone rang a bunch while you were once again in the shower _forever_ so I answered it," she said casually.

He dropped the towel on the edge of a chair, and reached for the phone she held out. "What? Who called?"

Pam bit her lip. "Rayna."

He raised his eyebrows. "And you answered it."

"She called like five times Deacon, I thought maybe it was an emergency. She said it was about Maddie."

He got real quiet for a second. "You know what, who the hell cares what she thinks anyway," he said. "It ain't any of her business. But I do gotta call her back. About Maddie."

"Yeah," she murmured. "About Maddie." _I bet it's just about Maddie. And the moon is made out of cheese too. _

She wasn't jealous…exactly. It was more like protective. Lord knows he needed someone to watch out for him, remind him he deserved better than… well better than a woman who had been stringing him along for the better part of two decades, that was for damn sure.

Deacon glanced at her, and walked towards the double doors to the balcony to make the call in private, grabbing a shirt off a chair along the way and pulling it on.

When he returned a few minutes later, Pam looked at him expectantly. "Well? Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Maddie wants to fly out for the weekend," he said slowly. "She's getting in this afternoon."

"That's great, you were just saying how much you missed her."

"Yeah. But Rayna's coming with her. Bringing her I guess."

"Isn't she on tour?"

"They're on a break this weekend."

"Oh I see. So she's coming to see Luke, right?" Pam said wryly. "Well that'll be nice and awkward." _Sure she is_, she thought silently. _I _bet_ she's just coming out here to see Luke._ _Or check up on who the hell is taking his calls while he's in the shower. _"You gonna be okay seeing her with him?"

Deacon slumped on the edge of the bed and ran his hands through his hair. "Guess I really don't got a choice, huh? I mean we're both Maddie's parents. Gotta get past it somehow. For her, at least."

"She doesn't deserve you," Pam said, not for the first time. "Rayna."

"Don't go there," he said quietly. "Rayna put up with a lot from me in those first years. What she deserves is to be happy. And really…that's all I want for her. Even if it ain't with me."

Pam would swear Deacon Claybourne had to be the most selfless guy she'd ever met, and sometimes it almost brought tears to her eyes, listening to him talk about the things that had happened in the past, how hard he'd tried to make everything right.

Other times, like now, it just pissed her off enough to want to call Rayna Jaymes and tell her directly where to shove her "Queen of Country" title and all her CMAs too.

"Don't be causing trouble now," Deacon said, taking note of the look on her face.

"I'd never," she said innocently.

"You're gonna probably have to get your own room if Maddie's here. Sorry."

She raised her eyebrows.

"She's a teenage girl," he said defensively. "If she gets any wrong ideas, it aint gonna be from me."

Pam laughed. More than anything else he'd talked about in the month that they'd known each other, Deacon had went on and on about Maddie. It was the only time she ever really seen his eyes light up.

"I get to meet her at least, right?"

"Course," he said, a hint of pride in his smile. "You'll love her. She's a great kid. Talented as hell, too."

"Of course she is. I wonder where she gets it from."

"Nah, her talent is all her own," He said, shaking his head. "Get in the shower, we gotta go, remember? Rehearsal."

"I'd like to but there probably ain't any hot water left," Pam said as she climbed out from under the covers.

"Well that's where you're in luck. Feelin' generous today and I saved the last two minutes just for you," Deacon said, shooting her a wink as she headed for the bathroom.

Suddenly he was thinking this day was looking a whole hell of a lot better.

########################################

Maddie spent the entire flight on the private plane staring patiently out the window.

It took Rayna back to when the girls had been little. Oh how Daphne had driven them crazy on car trips asking _how much longer, Mommy?_ But Maddie was different, maybe because she'd spent the first four years of her life when she was younger on tour with Rayna. She didn't mind the road a bit. She never had, always patiently waiting, sitting there quietly with her thoughts.

Maddie reminded her of someone else who'd spent an awful long time patiently waiting, and the familiar sting of guilt hit her heart. And maybe something else she wasn't ready to admit to.

The truth was, she was dying to know who the hell Deacon now had close enough at 9 a.m. to be picking up his phone calls.

_Oh hell, it's not like it's any of my business anyway_, she thought silently.

Her eyes traveled down to the giant ring on her finger. Luke loved her. And he was good at reminding her too, even from the other side of the country. Called her every night, sent flowers promptly before every show. Everything about Luke was good and solid and dependable.

Everything about Deacon was… well….Deacon.

And one thing that Deacon had never had a problem with was attracting attention from other women.

_I picked someone else_, she told herself silently for the millionth time as she did often when those little doubts started creeping in. _Deacon deserves to be happy._

It wasn't like they hadn't talked since the tours left. He was Maddie's dad, it was unavoidable. But that was it. They talked about their daughter, said goodbye, and hung up. Conversation over. He'd probably actually talked to Teddy more in the last month than her.

It should have been easier that way. This was what she wanted, after all.

But she missed the way it had been before. The easy conversations, the laughter….the sense of peace between them.

"This is great, Mom. Thanks for bringing me." Maddie said as they got out of the limo in front of the hotel.

Rayna forced a smile. This was Maddie's weekend with him. It had nothing to do with her and Deacon, and she needed to _not_ think about those things. "I know you are, and it worked out perfectly, didn't it? I wish Daphne could have come with us, but your dad said she had a can't-miss basketball tournament all weekend."

"So we're going to meet Dad and Luke here?" Maddie asked as the driver unloaded their suitcases. She stared up at the fancy hotel. "Wow, this place is crazy!"

"Well, you know Luke likes to have the best," Rayna said, laughing. "And you'll have your dad to yourself for the whole weekend. I'm sure I'll see you later, though. At the concert and all. Let me just let him know we're here."

She shot Deacon a quick text message. _We're in the lobby. Maddie's excited to see you. _

He appeared off the elevator a couple minutes later.

A pang of sadness hit her heart when she saw him, the way his blue eyes lit up, the smile. It was for their daughter though, not her.

_I miss him_, she thought unwillingly. _Will it ever stop?_

Rayna hung back, watching with a smile as Maddie launched herself in his arms for a hug. It seemed like endless minutes before he seemed to even remember that she was there.

"Hey," he said easily.

"Hey," she said with false brightness. Maddie waiting impatiently between them, shifting her backpack from one shoulder to the other. "So she's all yours til Sunday."

"Yep. Got some fun things planned."

Deacon didn't want to see it, but he knew her too well. The uncertainty in her eyes she was trying to hide was real. Rayna Jaymes might be good at putting on her stage face for everyone else, but it wasn't fooling him. She looked a little worse for wear. Tired, maybe. Stressed. Something different he couldn't put his finger on.

_This is what you wanted_, he wanted to say. _Let's act like we can be friends and pretend nothing happened._

Yeah. This was working out great.

They could barely look at each other.

"We're good then?" Deacon said.

"Yeah," Rayna somehow managed to get out. "We're good."

"Alright, see ya later, then."

"Bye, Mom." Maddie pressed a quick kiss to her cheek.

Rayna watched as they walked off together, Maddie happier than she'd been in weeks, Deacon looping an arm across her thin shoulders.

With a sigh, Rayna reached for the phone in her purse and searched the contacts for Luke's name.

"Hey there," she said, trying to sound mysterious. "I got a surprise for you."

He sounded happy to hear from her, like he always did, and it lifted her mood considerably, reassured her aching heart. She forced all the uncertainties that came with Deacon to the back of her mind.

_We're good_, she echoed Deacon's words in her head. _This is the way it's supposed to be._ Friends, who share a daughter.

It _had_ to be that way.

"Darlin, the best surprise right now would be if you were here with me. I miss you something awful," Luke said on the other end of the phone.

She smiled. "What's your room number? I'll be right up."

##############################################

Rayna didn't see Maddie again until the next night at Luke's concert. Backstage she found her daughter clearly in heaven, jamming on a guitar someone had borrowed her with members of Luke's band. There was a blonde haired woman nearby laughing with them.

_Maybe she's more ready for this life than I thought_, Rayna thought with a pang. She remembered those days, being that teenage girl chasing a dream. And Maddie had a much better support system than she'd ever had. _I just don't want her to grow up so fast._

It took all the strength she had not to walk over there by her daughter, but she didn't. She just gave her a little wave, and Maddie returned with the biggest smile she'd seen in a long time.

She went instead to stand at the edge of the stage.

"Hey, been looking for you." Luke appeared out of nowhere, catching her from behind, arms around her waist, kissing her neck. "We got about a half hour til I go on. How bout we go find a closet or something," he murmured, only half teasing. "Or I got that big ole dressing room we can kick everybody out of…"

"Hmmm?" Rayna asked absently, her eyes trained forward.

Deacon was onstage. She'd almost forgotten what a good frontman he could be. All those years standing behind her….he could have been on the front of that stage himself, and she damn well knew it. For the first time she was really starting to see all the things he'd given up for her, like first and foremost his shot at a solo career.

"You okay?" Luke asked, pulling back from her a little and holding her at arms length.

"What?" Rayna tore her eyes away from the stage and turned back to him. The concern in his blue eyes was real.

"Seems like your mind has been kinda far away all night. You were pretty quiet at dinner, and you hardly ate. Sorry about all the photographers."

He'd taken her to the fanciest restaurant in Chicago, of course. It hadn't exactly been quiet or romantic though, once word got out. By the time they left the paparazzi had gotten word that "Ruke" was in town together, and she knew their pictures would be all over the _Sun-Times_ by morning.

Rayna waved it off. "I'm fine. Really. Just worn out. All this jetsetting isn't as easy as it was 20 years ago, that's for sure."

"You sure that's all it is?"

"Yep."

"Good," Luke said as he pulled her back in for a kiss, and then hugged her close. "I'm so glad you're here this weekend, Babe. Best surprise ever."

"Me too, she whispered.

Over her shoulder, Luke could see Deacon still onstage.

His mind went back to a place he didn't like too much, thinking of the way he'd found Rayna standing here watching him with that intent look on her face.

Luke wasn't an idiot. He'd come up in this business same time as they had, he knew the stories. There'd been a lot of speculation last year when Rayna had been in that accident that her and Deacon had been back together, and it made a hell of a lot more sense after the truth came out about Maddie. He'd asked Rayna flat out, and she swore it was history, nothing more than family drama, and it was now sorted out. She'd also asked him to accept that Deacon was her daughter's father and part of their lives, and he had, for the most part.

But it didn't mean that it still wasn't in the back of his mind, and just maybe he had to admit that part of asking Deacon to be an opener on this tour meant he wasn't anywhere near Rayna.

_But that's history,_ Luke thought silently. _They got a daughter, and that's it. She's my girl, I ain't got nothing to worry about. _

Trouble with history, though, was that it had a tendency to repeat itself.

He'd be damned if he was gonna let that happened.

"How bout December?" Luke said abruptly, his mouth turning up into a cajoling smile. "Let's get married in December. At the ranch. Have a Christmas wedding, it'll be great. What do ya say, huh?"

Rayna smiled uneasily. "Honey, that's in two months. We can't possibly plan a wedding in two months."

"Babe, we don't need to plan anything," he said with a laugh. "I got people for that. All you gotta do is pick out a pretty dress and show up."

She sighed and leaned her head against his chest. "You sure know how to make everything sound so easy."

"Say yes, and I'll make the call."

Deacon came off the stage then, and pretty much brushed right past them without saying a word. He headed for Maddie. And the blonde woman.

Rayna couldn't help but watch as he hugged Maddie and then slid an arm around the woman's waist.

She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and turned her full attention back to Luke, who had been nothing but sweet and understanding the entire time she'd been here.

"Okay," she said, throwing up her hands in defeat. "Let's do it. Let's get married in December."

Luke's grin could have lit up the room. "You sure?"

"Yep."

"I can't wait to make you Mrs. Wheeler," Luke said as he kissed her deeply.

"Oh you think, huh?" She murmured, teasing. "Maybe I'll make you Mr. Jaymes instead."

"Darlin," Luke said, his face completely serious. "You can make me whatever you want, cuz you've already made me the happiest man alive. I'm all in."

"Me too, Babe. I'm all in. Make that call. Let's plan us a wedding."

#############################################

It was all over the papers by the next morning. Rayna and Luke had picked a wedding date.

The hits just kept on coming.

Two months. They were getting married in two months. He wondered why the hurry.

But then again, maybe he didn't really want to know.

Deacon rolled up the paper and threw it in the garbage can before Maddie saw it. He'd broached the subject of Luke and Rayna getting married the night before, and it was clear that their daughter was _not _happy about it, not that he blamed her one bit. Subject dropped.

Maddie was happy now though, sitting in the middle of the queen sized bed in her pajamas, eating pancakes covered with strawberries he'd ordered her from room service.

"Oh my gosh," she kept saying. "This is heaven. I can't believe you _live_ like this. Are you sure  
I'm not old enough to get a recording contract? Because I definitely could handle this."

He laughed. They'd had a hell of a great time yesterday, hanging out when he didn't have to rehearse, hitting the aquarium nearby, going out for pizza before the show last night. "You know what your mama will say about that."

"I know, I know finish school and all…." She made a face. "Not fair."

"You finish up that mess of pancakes and we've be moving. They're announcing the CMA nominations today downstairs. And after that I think I gotta get you back to your mom."

Maddie's face brightened. "I bet mom will get a whole bunch."

"I'd imagine," he said with a smile. "She sure deserves them."

"I hope she wins them all."

"Me too, Maddie. Me too."

####################################################

Deacon surveyed the crowd of people gathered in the private room. A huge screen tv was set up in the middle, and everyone waited anxiously for the nominations to start.

Nearby, Maddie was hanging out under Pam's watchful eye. They'd taken to each other a lot better than he'd figured.

In the middle of the room, Rayna and Luke were holding court. Everyone was cracking open champagne and beers, even though it was barely noon, and Rayna had her head thrown back laughing.

The King and Queen of Country.

Apparently from the sound of it, the entire industry was buzzing with the news that there was going to be a royal wedding in just two months.

_Somebody just shoot me and put me out of my misery, _he thought. Damn, and it had been such a good weekend.

"Hey," Pam snagged his shirt sleeve, dragging his gaze away from the two of them. "Mr. Gloom and Doom. Cheer up, huh?"

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "Now I know why I've never been too interested in these damn awards shows.

The announcer started reading off the list then, and the noise level in the room rose several degrees.

By the time it was all over, among other people, Rayna had received 6 nominations, and Luke 5.

Deacon sat back and surveyed the melee, and he couldn't help but watch the two of them together. Rayna was clearly thrilled, accepting everyone's congratulations, but Luke didn't look quite as happy. Something in his expression just didn't sit right.

_He's pissed,_ Deacon thought. _He wanted more than her. What a jackass._

"You know they only got em all because they're Ruke or Layna or whatever the hell they call em," he overheard the guy next to him say. Luke's base player, it was."

"Yep," the drummer on the other side said, shaking his head. "These awards used to actually mean something."

Deacon was about two seconds from stating his opinion on what he thought of that, but Rayna was making her way over to them through the crowd.

Finally Rayna made her way over to them.

Maddie jumped up to hug her. "Mom, you're gonna win every category, I know it!"

"Well, I don't know about that," Rayna said with an excited smile. "But a few would be good. Six, I can't even believe it!"

He couldn't help but be happy for her. Last year she hadn't gotten one nomination. And the CMAs….he didn't even want to think about how that had ended.

"She's right, you probably will," Deacon said with a grin. "Back to being the Queen of Country. Congratulations. You deserve every one of em."

Rayna got real quiet for a minute. "You know," she admitted. "I wouldn't have at least one of those without you for "This Time". If we win song of the year, I'm sharing it with you. You better be there."

"You know awards shows aren't really my thing," Deacon said, shaking his head. "I'd rather be watching it at home on the couch. But we'll see."

"I'd really like you to be there."

A look of understanding passed between the two of them, and for a second, he thought, it was almost like it used to be.

_It's there,_ he thought silently. _God, it's still there._ _How can she act like it isn't?_

That thing that was _always_ there between the two of them, that made them have entire conversations without even speaking.

That thing that made them understand each other like no one else really could.

Rayna was clearly rattled as well. "Maybe you'll change your mind, she murmured, turning to Maddie. "We should probably head out, sweetheart. Say your goodbyes, okay?"

Maddie's face fell a little.

Deacon gave Maddie one last hug. "It won't be so bad. I'll see you in a month, okay?"

"Fishing trip at the cabin," Maddie said with a smile. "You promised."

"Yep," he grinned.

Maddie disappeared into the crowd, and they both watched her go.

Rayna dared to bring it up first. "You're going to take her to the cabin?"

He nodded. "It's a special place. I wanna share it with her."

She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Im glad," Rayna said, with all the sincerity she could muster. "You seem happy."

_Fake it till you make it_, he thought. _I must be doing a damn good job. _

"Yeah," he said, but he knew it sounded hollow. "You too. Guess that wedding will be coming up fast, huh? Two months, that's quick."

Her smile wavered. "That's what he wanted so…you know…"

"I bet. So…see you at the CMAs, I guess."

"Yep," she said. "See you at the CMAs."

He watched her walk off, and Maddie reappeared next to her a few minutes later. He watched her as she approached Luke, giving him a goodbye kiss that made the crowd around them holler. Then she walked towards the doorway, putting an arm around Maddie.

Pam came and stood next to him as he watched them go.

"Something's off with her," he said quietly.

"Well look who she's marrying," Pam said pointedly. "If his ego got any bigger, it would need its own bus."

"It's not that," Deacon shook his head. "Something else. I can tell."

"It's not your problem," Pam said gently, firmly, slipping her arm through his. "Come on. Busses leave in three hours. Or not, considering half the people in this room are already hammered. Road life, gotta love it."

"Yep. He sighed. "Back on the road."

Real life would have to wait for another day.

**Thanks for reading! Next chapter: I have some big CMA drama planned…..:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A month later: **

Rayna glanced at the clock on the wall for time, and then inspected her reflection as she sat in front of her bedroom vanity. The CMAs were tonight, and the "powers that be" in the industry were predicting she'd be going home with her arms full of them. She and Luke would be walking the red carpet of course, making a splash as the newly crowned King and Queen of Country. It was the first time they'd been out and about together since the weekend Chicago a month ago, and the one thing she wasn't looking forward to was that the paparazzi was going to be rampant. They'd been worse than ever lately, with all the "Ruke" labels and speculation over the wedding plans. This was going to be a huge night. She _needed_ it to be. Still being a fairly new label, Highway 65 needed all the publicity it could get. She needed to win, and she needed her artists to win.

But it was hard not to think about where she'd been a year ago on this night. Staring in the same mirror. Watching the same clock on the wall as the minutes ticked away. Waiting for Deacon to pick her up so they could finally tell the world they were together.

Only Deacon had never showed to pick her up. And the night had been a disaster.

She'd relived those events way too many times in her mind to count.

The CMAs had been the catalyst really, when everything was set off. Deacon confronting her….the accident a few days later… It wasn't at all Maddie's fault that she'd found out when she did. It was just that the timing had been awful. It made Rayna's heart ache as she remembered how he had stood in front of her in her dressing room with that pain in his eyes. The disbelief.

_Tell_ _me you haven't been lying to me for the last 13 years… _

It washard to believe it had been a year already. So much had happened, and it had taken so long for them to get to a good place after that accident….and then Luke's proposal had happened.

And then _Deacon's_ proposal had happened. And the rest….

She had no regrets. _Maybe we both just needed a chance to say goodbye._

But she'd been telling herself that for weeks now, and somehow it was getting harder to believe before it got easier. Luke had dropped more than one hint that Deacon seemed like he was still dating that backup singer. She tried not to think about that. He deserved to be happy.

And her….she was supposed to marry Luke Wheeler in 30 days.

With a sigh she tousled her perfectly curled hair a little more, reapplied another coat of lipstick, wiped away a tiny smudge of eyeliner. The white and gold dress was gorgeous, Sadie had helped her find it, and she'd had it flown in from Paris. She got up and went to grab her shoes off the bench at the end of the bed, and slipped her feet into the silver four inch heels and took a step back to inspect once more.

Her own eyes lied to her in that reflection as she smoothed the dress over her hips, her hands shaking slightly as she turned to the side and eyed up her slim figure speculatively.

It had been hanging precariously in her mind for several days now, that she might have a much bigger problem than worrying about how many CMAs she was going to win.

"_This is ridiculous,"_ she thought silently. "_I'd know. I've been through that twice before. It must be stress. _

But that been years ago. The thought of facing that again now was unfathomable.

_It _has_ to be stress. _

If Luke had noticed anything bothering her in the week since they'd both been back home, he hadn't chosen to mention it. Then again, she thought, he'd been fairly preoccupied between planning what was turning into the most ornate country superstar wedding of the century and campaigning his ass off for CMA votes. She'd been busy enough herself, with reestablishing routines with the girls and at the office.

And she'd done a little campaigning of her own before coming home, performing on Dancing with the Stars, letting Rolling Stone magazine follow her around and do a cover story…. But it wasn't much compared to the elaborate executive parties and free concerts she found out Luke had spent the last month throwing all over town.

They kept reassuring each other that it wasn't a competition, but if Rayna didn't know him any better, she would have sworn her very own fiance was a little too confident that he was going to beat her at it. There was a little distance between them lately, and she couldn't shake the feeling that it was getting bigger rather than smaller. Another month apart hadn't helped at all.

Luke came out of the bathroom now, straightening the sleeves on his tuxedo jacket. "This look alright? And look at you, darlin. I'm gonna be the luckiest guy at the party."

"Thank you. You ready? The limo will be here in about fifteen minutes."

"Ready as I'll ever be," Luke said cheerfully, reaching for the stack of index cards on the bureau nearby and shoving them into the inside pocket of his coat.

Rayna laughed. "Acceptance speeches? How many y'all plan on needing?"

"You know I don't really do speeches," Luke said with his classic grin, sending her a wink. "But I did make at least one. Just in case."

She forced an uneasy smile, knowing he was talking about that last coveted category. "Babe, let's not worry about any of that, okay? Let's just go and enjoy ourselves and have a great time."

"Well alright," Luke called over his shoulder as he walked out of the room ahead of her. "But I still plan on winning that big one. You know what I mean. No hard feelings."

"We'll see I guess, huh?"

But to his departing back, Rayna set her mouth in a determined line, _I love you, but no chance in hell, babe. That one's all mine. _

_#############################################_

Luke carried most of the conversation in the limo on the way downtown to the Bridgestone, and she was obliged to let him.

"What's eatin at you?" he asked finally, looking slightly annoyed.

Rayna forced a smile. "Just a lot on my mind, I guess. Glad the tour is over til January."

"Me too," Luke said, leaning over to steal a kiss.

She gently pushed him back. "Makeup, remember?"

He moved his lips to her neck instead. "Yeah, I know, don't mess you up."

She got quiet again.

"Rayna," Luke said with a sigh, giving up and sitting back against the seat. "Okay, out with it. Whatever it is. We've haven't seen each other in a month, and all week you've been acting like you aren't even happy we're both home. You've barely let me touch you in days."

Oh, so he _had _noticed.

"Come on now, don't think that," she said softly, reaching over to put a hand on his arm. "I _am_ happy to be home. To be honest, this tour was the hardest and busiest one I've ever done. You have no _idea_ how relieved I am to be home. I think I just need to recharge a little."

"Is it the wedding? He asked, squeezing her hand. "I told you not to worry about that. It's getting taken care of."

"It's not the wedding," Rayna sighed. "It's really….it's just…."

Luke eyed her up again. "I know what it is, Rayna. You can say it."

She searched his face, her heart racing a little faster. _Please,_ she thought. _Don't let him guess. I cannot handle this tonight of all nights. _

She couldn't even fathom the rest of that equation hanging over her head, the one that undeniably told her that it had been just about exactly two months since that night she climbed into Deacon's truck, and barely four weeks since she'd seen Luke in Chicago.

"You still worried about that last category? For the awards?"

She stared at him. Entertainer of the Year, he was talking about. Of all the things she had to be worried about it right now, it seemed ridiculous. The man sure had a one-track mind when it came to competition.

"No," she said stiffly, suddenly irritated. "Does it really matter which one of us wins?"

Luke raised his eyebrows.

"I guess not. What is it then?"

"I don't think now is a good time," she murmured.

He was getting that look on his face that meant he was edging towards pissed off. "Rayna….."

She took a deep breath. "Alright. The truth is…when Deacon found out about Maddie, it was last year at the CMAs," she admitted.

"Okay," he said slowly, furrowing his eyebrows. "And it's bothering you?"

"Maybe a little."

He got real quiet. "So what else exactly of this story are you leaving out?"

"I don't know what you mean."

The line of limos was slowing creeping up to where it would stop and let them out on the red carpet. The press junket would be waiting.

Luke's voice was tense. "I asked you flat out about all the rumors going around last year about you and Deacon, and you told me none of it was true."

She looked away. "You know, I told you wanted to save this conversation for later. There's a reason for that. We don't need to do it now and ruin the night."

"Yeah, Rayna, Luke said, raising his voice. "We're gonna do it right now."

She closed her eyes. "Luke, this is really not the time."

She felt the limo slow to a stop. They'd have to face the press now.

_Well, this night is turning into a damn fine disaster already_, she thought in silent dread.

"Just tell me the truth, Rayna! Were you and Deacon together last year or not?"

Her non-response was enough of an answer for Luke.

The driver chose that moment to open the door of the limo. Luke gave her a searing look before he turned to get out, covering up his anger by slamming his black cowboy hat onto his head and plastering the trademark grin on his face.

She did the same, waving to the photographers with a fake smile on her face. She slipped her arm through Luke's and watched as he hammed it up for the cameras and making jokes with the press people about their collection of nominations

_Fake it til you make it_, she thought miserably.

And Rayna Jaymes was damn good at that.

After they'd walked the red carpet and made it inside without incident, she breathed a little sigh of relief.

"Come on, Babe," she said softly, squeezing Luke's hand reassuringly. "This is going to be a great night, right? Look," she pointed out people they knew. "There's Brad. And there's Tim and Faith. Let's go say hello. Forget all this for now."

But Luke's eyes were still cold. She followed his gaze, and there was Deacon standing among a group of people making conversation. Whatever story he was telling, it must have been a good one, she thought. They were all laughing. He'd always been good at that, engaging people.

He looked so un-Deacon-like, all dressed up in a tux, that her eyes lingered for a second too long.

He looked good. And so did his date.

_They make a nice couple_, she thought, something bitter and awful she didn't like rising to the back of her throat as she watched Deacon slip an arm around Pam's waist after a few minutes and gently pull her away from that circle.

"Did you know he was going to be here?" Luke asked.

She dragged her gaze back to Luke's. "He might have mentioned it. Does it matter? I guess he has just as much right as anyone."

Luke's eyes cut into her, and he just shook his head in disgust. Slowly, deliberately he slipped his arm out of hers and pressed a hard kiss to her cheek. For the photographers of course. "I'll be in the damn bar," he muttered.

Dismayed, Rayna watched him stalk away.

But there was not much time to do anything about it, as she was once again instantly surrounded by fellow label execs and press people.

She pasted on her smile and went to work doing what she did best: playing the Queen of Country. After all, the cameras were rolling.

The cameras were always rolling.

######################################################

Deacon felt Rayna's presence the instant she walked in on Luke's arm. You would have known anyway, the way all the attention in the room shifted automatically to them.

"Wow," Pam said next to him as she followed his gaze. "She looks beautiful."

"Yup," his face expressionless. "She can do that."

Pam eyed up the two of them critically. "They sure don't look too happy though, do they? Or it is just me?"

They watched as Luke left Rayna standing there by herself and sauntered through the crowd, presumably headed for the bar. Rayna still had that "stage face" plastered on, though he thought her smile wavered around the edges a bit.

She was damn good at faking it for an audience, but she'd never been able to hide it from him.

"No," Deacon said to Pam, shaking his head. "It ain't just you. I told you a month ago, something's off with her."

He couldn't help but watch Rayna as she slowly worked the room, posing for pictures, stopping to chat with people.

It made him involuntarily smile, thinking how nervous she used to be at these big awards events when they'd first started, how she'd make him spend hours drilling her with names of all the bigwigs on flashcards.

She was different now. He'd seen her change little by little over the years, become more confident that she could stand on her own two feet. And look at her now. Head of her own label, about to win a shelf full of CMAs.

He was damn proud. Even if she wasn't his.

"Well, it isn't your problem, is it now?" Pam reminded.

He tore his eyes away from Rayna and glanced down at her, amused. "Always gotta rain on my parade, don't you?"

"You do enough raining on the parade for all of us," Pam said lightly. ""Ready to find our seats? This is my first CMAs experience. I don't want to miss a thing."

"Yeah, let's go in."

##################################################

"And the winner is…..Rayna Jaymes for ThisTime!"

The crowd applauded, and Rayna couldn't keep the smile off her face as she temporarily put her worries about Luke on hold to go up and accept her fifth award of the night, this one for Song of the Year. Five down, one to go.

She certainly couldn't complain about that, considering between her and Sadie Stone and one of her other artists, they'd so far collected 9 awards. Highway 65 was making itself heard.

Luke had finally reappeared a few minutes earlier, and slipped into his front row seat next to her without saying a word, his mouth set in a hard line. His frown deepened when he realized once again, her song had beat out his in the category. He'd been up for five nominations, and so far had only won two categories.

She was pretty sure she didn't want him to say a word anyway. He smelled like a damn brewery. She was not impressed. Not impressed at all. In fact, she was pretty ticked off.

But they were seated in the front row of the CMAs and the cameras were rolling.

Up onstage, Rayna went through her list of thank you's again, and then her eyes searched the crowd as she spoke.

"I really have to share this one, because it wouldn't be possible without my amazing cowriter, Deacon Claybourne. Half of the credit for this song belongs to him. Thank you."

The crowd applauded again and she searched for Deacon's face in the crowd where she'd noticed earlier he was sitting about ten rows back.

The surprise on his face at being thanked onstage was evident, and it warmed her heart a little. A promise was a promise.

And then she caught sight of Luke's face in the front row. Even from the stage she could see him working his bottom lip, and his eyes dark under the edge of his hat. He looked like a round of dynamite with a very short lit fuse. Waiting to blow.

_Good_, she thought, secretly a little satisfied. _Serves him right for acting like a jackass all night._

Rayna waved to the crowd once more, and then walked off stage right. She didn't go back to her seat, though. She stood off to the side, knowing the very next award they were giving out was male vocalist of the year, and knowing damn well there was no doubt Luke was going to win.

And sure enough, he did.

She watched, frowning as he climbed the steps to the stage and swaggered through a thank you speech that definitely included his "beautiful loving, _honest_ fiancé" and a few words that were definitely, embarrassingly, soaked by whiskey. And then he came off the stage side right and stalked right past her without saying a word.

"Hey," Rayna tried to snag his sleeve. "We need to talk."

Luke kept right on going, so she followed him anyway. Right into the men's room. Luckily it was empty.

"Rayna. This is the _men's room_," he said pointedly. "The one place you can't be."

Her own temper was rising. "Would you like to tell me what you're so pissed off about? Because this is ridiculous. You're drunk and making a complete ass out of yourself and this surely is not the place to be doing that."

Luke stared at her incredulously. He ran his hands through his hair and paced back and forth in the small space. "You wanna know _why?_ Where should we start, Rayna? How bout with that was sure a nice thank you that you gave Deacon up onstage, wasn't it?"

She looked appalled. "He co-wrote the song with me. I would have given the same common courtesy to anyone and you know it."

Luke stood leaning against a sink, his hands gripping the porcelain so hard his knuckles were turning white. "I saw the way you looked at him, Rayna. Is that what you've been doing all night, thinking about last year, wishing you were sitting here with him instead of me?"

"That is ridiculous," she said in a low voice. "I'm here with you, aren't I? And to be honest I'm starting to wonder why, since you've spent 90% of it drinking whiskey."

"Something's gotta take the sting over my woman stealing three CMAs right out from under me, now doesn't it?" He said with a smirk. "Congratulations, Rayna. You got what you wanted."

"First of all…do not ever call me your "woman". And what the hell is _that _supposed to mean? I got what I wanted?"

"You know exactly what it means," Luke said angrily. "The only reason that damn album is a success is because it dropped on the day I proposed to you. Everything you got on that stage tonight is because of me and you know it."

Rayna felt all her anger melt away, and hurt settle in its place instead. "You don't mean that."

His silence dared her otherwise.

"You know," she said in a quiet, firm voice. "I'm not really sure what the hell has happened to the real Luke Wheeler but you better find him. Because I don't like this one at all."

She held her chin high, and turned and walked out the door.

#####################################

With shaky hands, Rayna left the bathroom and headed for the bar. She wasn't a drinker, but maybe a glass of champagne would calm her nerves.

She paused halfway there when she realized that wouldn't be a very good idea.

_ Maybe just air, _she thought. _I need some air._

Her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

She came around a corner, headed for an outside door, and collided with someone coming from the opposite direction

Pam.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Rayna said with a false smile. "Nice to uh…well, nice to meet you. I don't think we've ever been formally introduced."

Pam nodded politely. "Do we need to be?"

Rayna was taken aback. "Well…I mean you're dating Deacon, right? And he's Maddie's father so…"

"You don't need to fish for answers," Pam said easily. "We're just friends, not dating. Not that it's any of your business."

_Wow, she's…bold_, she thought silently. _I don't know if I like this one. _It wasn't like she hadn't been subjected to enough of Deacons girlfriends in the last year, but they usually never stuck around long enough for proper introductions. And that didn't bother her one bit.

"Um…okay. Well then, let's not make this anymore awkward," Rayna said with a pleasant smile. "I need to get back to my seat. Nice to meet you." She slipped past her to leave.

"What is this, Rayna?" Pam said from behind her. "What are you doing?"

"Excuse me?" Rayna turned, giving her the side-eye. Nope. She _definitely_ didn't like this one.

"I just saw Luke take another trip into the bar. He looks pretty wasted."

"Yes, I'm aware of that but thanks for pointing it out."

Pam wasn't done. "That was nice, the way you thanked Deacon up onstage like that."

"He deserved it."

"You know, someone whose marrying the King of Country, you sure seem to be interested in keeping Deacon on a short leash."

Rayna really didn't even know what to say to that one. It took her a minute to find the right words. "Listen, you don't know anything about my ….former relationship with Deacon, so you'll excuse me if I end this conversation right now."

"Is it former?"

"Yeah," she said, giving Pam a harsh stare. "It is."

Pam smirked. "I know he asked you to marry him. And it wasn't very long ago, was it?"

Her blood ran cold. "He told you that?"

She wondered what else Deacon had told this woman he barely knew.

"Yeah. He told me a lot of things. Don't hold it against him. The poor guy needed someone to talk to."

Something flickered in Rayna's eyes for a minute.

"Excuse me," she said with every ounce of propriety she could muster. "But this conversation is now over. I need to get back to my seat."

Pam watched her go, shaking her head with a sigh. No matter what kind of line of bull Deacon gave her about him and Rayna "moving on", she had a feeling this wasn't over.

Not by a long shot.

_########################################## _

Deacon stood at the bar waiting patiently for the bartender to refill Pam's drink and bring him a bottle of water.

He felt someone drop onto the stool next to him, and knew before he even looked that it was Wheeler.

_ This ain't gonna end well, _he thought.

_ "_Well if it isn't freakin Deacon Claybourne himself," Luke said as he swigged the rest of his drink and slammed his glass down on the bar, then signaled the bartender for another. He smirked. "Shouldn't you be entertaining the backup somewhere?"

"Always a pleasure to see you like usual, Luke," Deacon said wryly. He watched as the bartender served Luke another double shot of whiskey.

"Yeah, well, I've been meanin to talk to you," Luke said without hesitation. "Looks like we're not gonna be needing you on the second leg of that tour after all. Retoolin' things a little bit."

Deacon didn't look the least bit surprised. Or concerned. "You firing me, Wheeler?"

"It's just business, man. You understand."

"Sure it is," Deacon said, an amused look on his face. "You think I don't know the only reason you asked me on that tour was to keep me outta town and away from Rayna and my daughter?"

Luke didn't even try to deny it. "Hell, it worked, didn't it?" He sneered.

"Not a bit," Deacon said calmly.

Luke's smirk faded.

"And you know," Deacon added casually. "You might think about cutting the drinkin and get back in there. She's waiting for you. And Rayna, she doesn't like to wait around. For anybody."

"Guess you learned that the hard way, didn't you?" Luke said, wavering on his barstool.

"I sure as hell did."

"You know Rayna'd be nothing right now if it weren't for me. She wouldn't even be on that stage."

"You really think that, huh," Deacon said, trying to keep him temper in check. "Or is that the whiskey talking?"

"Oh come on, the whole industry knows it," Luke waved it off. "I love Rayna. But let's admit it. She was washed up before I came along."

"I'll tell you something," Deacon said, slowly deliberately putting down the drinks in his hand. "Rayna has worked her ass off for 26 years, and not by riding anyone's coattails to get where she is, including yours. If you can't see that, you're a bigger fool than I ever was."

"Pretty big words coming from someone who was never more 'n her back up."

"Yeah, well," Deacon said with a smirk of his own as he turned to leave. "Just remember who was there first."

He saw the swing come at him out of the corner of his eye, quick enough to mostly deflect it, but not completely. Before he knew it him and Luke were tangled up on the cold marble floor in front of a room full of country celebrities, beating the crap out of each other in tuxedos, fully in view of all the security cameras, and several dozen people staring.

"Deacon!" Pam appeared out of nowhere, yanking at the back of his jacket. "What the hell are you doing?"

He got to his feet, breathing heavily. Luke was still on the floor, so pissed up he could barely stand, and blood was running from his nose. Security guards were running from all directions.

"Get him outta here," he said to Pam. "Find Sam to put him in a limo and send him home before he gets himself arrested."

She raised her eyebrows. "When did I become his babysitter?"

Deacon shook his head, still looking pissed. And he could feel his lip was bleeding. He reached for a cocktail napkin off the bar and swiped it away. "I got something I gotta go do."

###########################################

Rayna hadn't moved from her seat since the confrontation with Luke in the bathroom, and he hadn't come back to his. She couldn't. The cameras were everywhere, and she was so very close to losing it.

And this was not the time to lose it. There was only one more award to give out: Entertainer of the Year, and then she could escape. Fuzzy slippers and curling up to cry in a nice warm bed was sounding like a real good plan about now.

She felt someone slip into the empty chair next to her, and relief flooded over her. Maybe Luke had taken her words to heart after all.

But she was stunned when she looked over and it was not Luke in his seat. It was Deacon. And he had a cut on his lip and a bruise in the corner of his eye.

The look in his eyes said enough.

Her heart sank.

"He's gone?" she murmured.

"Yep. Sorry. Didn't think you should be sitting here alone, so…."

Tears threatened her eyes when Deacon reached for her hand and squeezed it hard.

"It's not your fault," she murmured. "It's mine. I made a mess out of everything."

"It's not, don't you let yourself think that," Deacon said vehemently. He leaned over and murmured in her ear. "In about two minutes, they're gonna call your name, and you're going to stand on that stage and be Entertainer of the Year, Ray. Because you deserve it. You earned it. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

Only he would understand how badly she needed to hear that, how much it soothed the ache in her chest and the doubts that Luke's hurtful words had put in her heart.

In minutes, she was listening as they announced Entertainer of the Year. He was right. She'd won. They called her name, and somehow she got to her feet and made it to that stage, although later she couldn't remember how, or what she said.

All she could remember was Deacon standing in the front row clapping harder than anyone.

#######################################

Luke didn't show up at the house until noon the next day.

Rayna opened the front door, and there he stood, looking like hell. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess, and he had a hell of a black eye.

She knew he had Deacon to blame for that. The damn pictures had made the national news this morning, and clearly it was stated that whatever they'd been arguing about, Luke had definitely taken the first swing. She didn't even really want to know. It didn't actually matter, because either way it was

immature and just plain stupid on both their parts. Fighting at the CMAs…she was mortified.

"Can I come in, please?" he asked quietly. "Although, I guess I wouldn't really blame you for telling me to go to hell either."

Pursing her lips, Rayna opened the door and stepped aside to let him in.

He paced back and forth in her living room, wringing his hands, while she sat quietly on the sofa.

_I''ll be damned if I'm apologizing for anything_, she thought stubbornly. _I didn't do a thing wrong_ _last night._

It had taken laying awake half the night mulling it over to come to that conclusion.

Luke knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. "Rayna, I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "I acted like a complete jackass. I had way too much to drink, and I'm just….I want to fix things between us. Everything's been off for weeks now, you know it has."

She swallowed hard. "I can't deny that."

He had tears in his eyes. "And I'm sorry, what I said. You deserve everything you have. You worked real hard for it."

As far as apologies went, she could tell he meant it.

"I'm sorry, too," she whispered. She let him pull her into his arms and try to kiss it all away, tried to pretend that it was all okay. But they'd lost something now, something they'd never get back. She knew this, no matter how hard she kept denying it. And there was still that other issue that she wasn't going to be able to deny for much longer either.

The funny thing about words, Rayna thought, is that once they were out, you could never take em back. They hung in the background between you always, like a ghostly reminder.

"You got any plans this afternoon?" he asked, leaning in for one more kiss. "We got a lot of time to make up for."

She took a deep breath. "I think I just need a little time to process some things. Is that okay?"

Luke's face looked disappointed. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I get it."

"Why don't you take the day with your kids and I'll take the day with mine, and I'll see you tomorrow?" she suggested quietly.

"Sure," he said, heading for the door. "Whatever you want. We're okay, though?"

"Yeah, we're okay."

"I love you, Rayna." He said, pressing one more kiss to her cheek before he reluctantly walked out the door.

Tears burned her eyes as she closed it behind him.

The phone on the kitchen counter rang almost instantly, the way she knew it would at the 12:30 mark. It was Maddie. The girls had off of school this entire week on fall break, and Maddie was headed to the cabin to spend a few promised days with Deacon. Rayna had agreed to stop at Teddy's and say goodbye before Deacon picked her up.

"Hey Mom," Maddie said cheerfully. "So Deacon messaged me late last night and I didn't get it til this morning. He went up early and he wants to know if you can bring me up this afternoon."

Rayna paused, trying to process. "What? To the cabin?"

"Yeah. I told him it would be okay. It's okay, right? Because I can't call him now, he's out of range."

"Oh, honey, I don't know if that's such a good idea," she said, faltering. After last night, she didn't know if she was ready to face him, for a lot of reasons. And especially not at the cabin.

"Mom, please," Maddie said worriedly. "I won't be able to go otherwise. How am I going to get up there? It seems weird to ask Dad to do it. I mean, I guess, I could call Pam, she might know how to get-."

"No!" Rayna said, more quickly than she intended.

"What?"

She sighed, and tried to regain her bearings. _Like hell that woman is getting anywhere near that cabin_, she thought silently. "It's fine," she said to Maddie. "I'll be there in a half hour, okay?"

"Thanks so much, Mom. I'll be ready."

She said goodbye to her daughter, and slowly sank onto the edge of the couch, scrolling through her text messages from last night and this morning. There was about 25 "I'm sorrys" from Luke, and her heart skipped a beat when she noticed an unread one from last night she'd missed, sent after midnight from Deacon. Probably when he'd been on his way to the cabin, she realized. Funny that he'd headed there so late after the CMAS, and she could guess why. It was really the one place Deacon had ever been at peace, and it was where he always went when things were bothering him.

_Congrats again,_ _Ray_, it said. _Well deserved_.

Somehow those four little words beat 25 I'm sorrys any day.

Feeling re-energized, she grabbed her purse off the counter and headed for the door.

**####just a note, I know they use "seatholders" at awards shows, but just for the sake of this story, let's pretend they don't exist **** Thanks for reading!**

.


	5. Chapter 5

"You remember the way, right?" Maddie said as she hopped in the front seat of Rayna's SUV at Teddy's house. "Up to the cabin? Deacon said you would."

"Yes, sweetie," Rayna said with an amused smile. "I remember the way."

She could have gotten there in her sleep.

"Great," Maddie said happily, settling back for the hour long drive as they pulled away from the curb. She immediately slipped in her earbuds and pulled a novel out of her backpack, effectively tuning out her mom.

Rayna didn't mind much though, enjoying the soft undertone of Maddie humming along with her music, the peaceful drive on the empty back roads. After the disaster that the CMAs had turned into last night, a quiet Sunday drive was exactly what she needed.

But it took her back to other Sunday drives, on other late fall afternoons just like this one, and the memories unwillingly came flooding back.

_Deacon casted his line again and then glanced over at Rayna, who was standing on the bank of the river not too far away from him holding a fishing pole awkwardly in her hands. _

_ He looked at her, feigning disgust. "You're holding it upside down, Ray. Jeez, haven't you ever been fishing?" he reached over and flipped the reel up. _

_ He'd already expressed his betrayal that she refused to touch the worms and bait her own hook. _

_ "Are you kidding," Rayna laughed. "I don't think Lamar ever held a fishing pole in his life." _

_ "Oh I forgot," he smirked. "Wyatts don't get their hands dirty." _

_ "Ha. Ha." Rayna said wryly. "I give up." She put her fishing pole down, line still floating out in the middle of the river, and flopped down on the blanket nearby, shielding her eyes from the sun. "This is great, though," she said lazily, leaning back and stretching out on the blanket. "This cabin is the best idea you've ever had, Deacon. Nobody can find us, just hide away from everyone…" _

_ Things had been crazy lately, getting ready to headline on her first tour and all. It was exciting and a little scary, but Rayna felt like she was on top of the world, like she could handle anything as long as Deacon was next to her. And he was doing so good now, out of rehab for the third time, back on the right track. It had been a hell of a tough road, but she was proud of him. _

_ They were gonna make it. _

_ Deacon set his fishing pole more carefully in the rod holder jammed into the ground near his foot and sank onto the blanket next to her. _

_ "Probably won't seem like much a few years from now when you're a big star," he said, only half-kidding, then his face got serious. "I mean, this is the big time, Ray. You're not the girl in the free beer tent anymore. You're the star. You got your dream. I'm so proud of you, baby." _

_ "Our dream," Rayna corrected. She leaned up to steal a kiss and pulled him down on top of her, giving him a naughty smile as she felt his fingers creeping along the inside edges of her white denim cutoffs. _

_ Her smile was contagious. "Love you." _

_ His was even bigger. "You know what I love?" _

_ "Hmmm?" _

_ "These shorts." _

_ "I bet you do." _

" _Wanna take out the canoe?" he murmured, his mouth finding the spot on her neck that always make her shiver. _

_ She laughed softly. "Those hands of yours keep moving and we'll never get that far."_

_ A splashing in front of them startled both their attentions, and Rayna's fishing pole went flying. _

_ Deacon leaped up off of her and lunged for it, but it was a goner, being dragged quickly down the river by whatever was hooked on the other end. _

_ `Rayna laughed and laughed. "Deacon, you should see your face right now!" _

_ "Hey, that was my favorite pole," he said with a frown. "Not cool, Ray. Not cool." _

_ "Oh cheer up," she reached over to kiss him again. "When we make it, I'll buy you a hundred fishing poles, and a boat too."_

_ `"Baby, as long as I got you," he said, his eyes crinkling into a grin, "I've got it made already." _

"Mom?" Maddie's voice brought Rayna out of that memory, that weekend. God, it had been so long…The last time she'd been up here had been briefly after Maddie's video incident months ago. Before that, the last time she and Deacon had been up here together had been over 15 years ago.

The very product of one of those stolen Sunday afternoons was seated right next to her.

It stung, thinking of all those lost years. Deacon had bought the cabin not long after she'd gotten her first CMA nomination. They'd had so many plans to fix it up, so many things they were gonna do…

She didn't say that, though. She didn't tell Maddie about all those dreams she'd lost.

Some things were just better left a dream and a memory.

"What, sweetie?"

"What's the cabin like?" Maddie asked eagerly. "I've never even seen a picture."

"Oh, you know," Rayna said with a smile. "It's nice and big, a beautiful porch and lots of windows, quite a few bedrooms….. I haven't been here in awhile, but I'm guessing it's pretty much the same. Deacon doesn't like to change things much."

Maddie laughed. "That's true. Scarlett says she can't even buy a different brand of cereal and he gets all bent up about it. He likes things the same."

"That he does," Rayna agreed.

Deacon's ability to never let go had always seemed like a blessing and a curse to her. It was his strength, and it was also his greatest weakness. She'd seen him fiercely hold onto the people he loved for dear life. But she'd also see him hold onto demons and pain and things that almost destroyed both of them.

"He told me once," Maddie said quietly. "That you should hold onto the people and things you believe in with both hands and never let go. Because those are the ones that you can count on."

"That's some powerful advice. Don't ever forget that," Rayna said, pushing back the tears that threatened the corner of her eyes. She was ridiculously a ball of emotions lately, and it was so unlike her. She felt like a stranger in her own skin.

"Sorry, Mom….did I made you sad?"

"No sweetie, I'm not sad," she said, reaching for Maddie's hand as she drove. "I'm just so proud of how grown up and beautiful you are. We all are proud."

Maddie got real quiet for awhile, staring out the window.

"You know," she said finally. "I know everything got messed up last year, but… I'm really glad Deacon's my dad. I mean…I'm glad I found out."

"You know what?" Rayna said without hesitation. "Me too."

A little while later they were turning off the country highway and down the dirt path.

Rayna's heart started to beat a little faster when the cabin came into their line of view.

"Oh Mom, it's amazing," Maddie breathed. "Exactly like I imagined. It's like something out of a dream."

"Yes it is," Rayna said softly, taking in the white two story house with its green shutters, the gorgeous wrap around porch, the view of the river behind it. _Our dream._

She parked behind Deacon's truck, trying to ignore the jitters in her stomach as they got out and she helped Maddie unload her bag and her guitar case from the trunk, and they started across the grass and down the riverbank.

They found him right where Rayna knew he'd be, parked in his old wooden Adirondack chair on a collection of buckets and fishing poles strewn around him, and a guitar on a blanket nearby. He put down his fishing pole when he saw them coming and got to his feet.

"Hey, you made it!"

Rayna watched as Maddie dropped her stuff in the grass and let Deacon catch her up for a hug. She hung back a little, letting them have their reunion.

_He's come so far in the last year_ _learning how to be a dad_, she thought, her heart softening at the obvious happiness in his face to see their daughter. And he was a good one, even if he didn't get to start from the beginning.

It's forefront in her mind that maybe he'll get another chance.

He _deserves _that chance.

Standing there watching him with Maddie, she silently vows to herself that whatever it takes to sort out the mess she's made with him and Luke, that one thing is an absolute. She would never deny him that again.

"I missed you so much," Maddie said happily. "I can't wait to learn how to fish. I've never done it."

"Yeah, we can do that," he said, laughing, shooting a wink in Rayna's direction and pulling her into the conversation. "Hope your better at it than your mama."

"Hey now," Rayna said, rolling her eyes. But she couldn't hide a smile. "Don't even go there, Deacon. I know _exactly_ where you're headed with this."

He looped an arm around Maddie's shoulders. "You know your mom caught the biggest fish I've ever seen in my life out of this river. "

Maddie had a huge grin on her face. "Seriously?"

"Seriously yes," Rayna said wryly. "And do we have to tell this story?"

"Yep," Deacon shot Maddie a wink. "I think that's the only fight I ever won."

"That's because I let you win," Rayna reminded. She'd never forget the fight they'd had over that damn fish.

"_Deacon! That thing is disgusting. It looks like some kind of prehistoric swamp monster! Just break the rope and let it go," she begged, stepping a good distance away from him._

_ "It's a line," he informed as he finished reeling it in, and then reached for the net. He dragged it through the water and then up on shore with the grey slimy creature wriggling ferociously inside. "And no way in hell are we throwin it back. It could be a record breaker. That's the biggest catfish I've ever seen in here." _

_ Still a safe distance away, Rayna stood with her hands on her hips defiantly. "If y'all think you're sleeping anywhere near me tonight, you better be putting it back." _

_ He sighed and looked up at her exasperatedly. _

_ "It's just a damn fish! You always gotta get your way, don't you?" _

_ "Its not about getting my way!" Rayna exclaimed. "It's about you not getting your hand bit off! How you gonna play guitar for me when you're missing half your fingers?" _

_ "They don't bite. You just don't want to get your hands dirty," he said, getting more annoyed by the second. "Quit being such a diva. Come over here and hold the net so I can get the hook out." _

_ "Hell no," she said, glaring at him. "And I am not a diva. Do it yourself," she stalked across the slope and up to the cabin. _

_ Rayna refused to talk to him for the rest of the day. The fish disappeared. She thought she'd won and by the time they went to bed that night, all was forgiven. _

_ A few weeks later when they were back at the cabin, she woke up and that damn fish with its beady black eyes was looking at her from where it had been mounted on the bedroom wall. _

That was one fight to this day she had to admit she'd lost.

And she would have been money that if she walked into that cabin, Ol' Blue was still proudly hanging on his bedroom wall.

She smiled thinking about it. Some things never changed.

"Why don't you go on up to the cabin and throw your stuff inside," Deacon said to Maddie. "Your room, first one on the right. Fixed it all up for ya. Let me know if meets your approval, huh?"

"Sounds great, Dad," Maddie said happily, gathering up her guitar case and her duffel bag.

Rayna watched her walk up the hill to the porch, and the butterflies in her stomach started going crazy again as she turned to him.

It was the first time they'd really been alone since the Bluebird.

"So," Deacon said awkwardly, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He gestured towards the cabin. "Thanks for bringing her up here."

"No problem, she's been talking about it since we left Chicago."

They walked up the hill slowly, keeping a safe distance between the two of them.

"So…yeah…." Rayna struggled to find a place to start. "And you, thanks for being there. Last night, I mean. Not just for the win with the song."

"I just…didn't want you to look out there and see an empty chair, you know?" he said quietly. "It was too important for that."

She swallowed hard. "Thanks. It meant a lot. And I'm sorry…about all the stuff with Luke. Just wanted to say that. I know he hit you first. We don't need to rehash it, but it was ridiculous."

His eyebrows furrowed. "No, I'm sorry. He just…well he said some stuff that really pissed me off, and…"

Rayna shook her head slowly. "I know you and Luke are never going to like each other. But you're Maddie's dad, and you're on tour with him."

"Well technically not anymore," Deacon said, drawing out a long sigh. "He fired me."

She stared at him. "What?"

"Yep. Guess he got his use out of me."

"Deacon, I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head in dismay. "I can talk to him. I know how much you needed the publicity from that tour."

He shrugged. "It is what it is, alright? Besides, I didn't like being gone from Maddie so much."

Rayna nodded. She got silent as they walked up the steps of the porch. The memories were almost too much.

Deacon watched her drop into an old wooden chair and he stood, leaning against the porch rail.

"Are you okay?" He asked, couldn't stop himself. "You and Luke?"

"Not really," she admitted quietly, staring at her hands. "Things are….off with us."

"Rayna, if it's because of what happened…"

"It's not," Rayna murmured. "I mean partly, maybe, but not completely. He's pushing things real hard now, with the wedding and everything, and I'd personally like it all to slow down a little. I'm starting to recognize my life less and less."

"Don't do anything you don't want to do. It's as simple as that," Deacon said, dropping into the chair next to her.

"You always make everything sound so simple," she said with a small smile. "And you know it is never that easy."

"Nothing worthwhile ever is," he agreed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes staring out over the river.

"I forgot how nice and quiet it is up here," Rayna admitted. "Why I always loved it so much."

"yeah, it is. I figure on lighting up a fire with Maddie later and making a bunch of smores and all," Deacon said casually. "You wanna stick around for awhile? Hang out with us?"

Tempting, it was.

She twisted the giant ring on her finger, guilted by the fact that she hadn't told Luke she was coming up here with Maddie this afternoon. It shouldn't have mattered.

But it did.

"I can't, Deacon," she said quietly. "I really should go."

"Can't, or won't?"

"Both."

He seemed to absorb this. "Last time we sat on this porch… it was after Maddie's video, remember? And the GMA thing."

"Yeah, I remember," Rayna murmured, remembering how hard that had been to have that conversation with him, the one they'd put off for so long. It had been what finally stripped that wound raw, the one that they'd been pretending for Maddie's sake since the accident didn't exist.

_I wanted to be your wife_, she'd said. _I wanted us to raise her up together in a loving home that you could not provide. I cried myself to sleep for a year because I wanted that so bad. _

_ I can now, he said. I can give you all of that. So what's your excuse now, Ray? _

_ She couldn't give him one, and he knew it. He just shook his head and swiped the rest of the tears from his eyes, went inside and slammed the door. And shut her out. _

Now, reliving that, his blue eyes were sad and she knew he was reliving that conversation too.

"Last time we were here… all those things you said you wanted…." His voice caught a little.

She closed her eyes. "Deacon…."

"You still want them?"

She didn't answer him. Her heart wanted to say yes so badly, but the fear was still stronger.

"But with Luke. Right," he finished in a low voice, laced with hurt. And sadness.

Maddie's words earlier in the car came back to Rayna. _He told me once that you should hold onto the people and things you believe in with both hands and never let go_.

"Sometimes I think I don't know what I want anymore," she admitted. "But you and me, Deacon? That scares me to death. We hurt each other so many times, and I don't want the pain that comes with that. You understand?"

"No," he said with quiet resolution. "I want to, but I don't. You know I'm a different person than I was 15 years ago. Hell, I'm not even the same person I was a year ago. Why can't you just give me a chance to prove it?"

"Because," she said, tears blurring her eyes. "How do I know we're not going to go back to that place where we hurt each other all over again, Deacon? In a year, or five or ten? You were sober for 13 years before finding about Maddie set you off."

"You still think it was about that, don't you? It wasn't just finding out about Maddie that made me drink, Ray. It was finding the person I loved lied to me," he said sorrowfully.

She couldn't find the words.

Deacon sighed. "It's called faith. And it's obvious you're never going to have it in me no matter what I do."

"I do," Rayna argued. "I do have faith in you. I've watched you become an amazing father, and I know when it comes to Maddie you will always do what's best for her. I will never doubt that."

"I'm not talking about faith in my ability as a parent," he said quietly. "I'm talking about in us. You lost faith in us, Ray. And that's what hurts the most."

"I'm supposed to marry someone else in less than a month," she said, her hands shaking. She felt like her heart was breaking all over again, and she wondered how there could possibly be anything left of it to break.

"So don't."

"What?"

"Just don't. Don't marry Luke. Just stay right here. Me and you and Maddie and Daphne. Just like I said. Remember that night? You remember how good it was, Ray? That's us. That's what it's supposed to be."

His eyes were solemn, pleading with her, and it was so hard not to do just that. Just stay. Maybe it really could be that simple.

But she knew it wasn't. It wasn't just her heart and her life on the line this time.

"It's not that easy, Deacon."

"It is," he said. He reached out and took one of her hands in his, tangling their fingers together. Holding on. "I love you, and that's the truth. It ain't ever gonna change, Rayna."

She let out a shaky breath, and slowly pulled her hand away.

` And that was enough of an answer for him.

"You know," he said, his eyes sad. "I always thought we'd be sitting on this porch some day when we were 80."

That broke her completely on the inside, and she'd never felt that kind of pain, to feel how much you were hurting someone who loved you that much.

With a sigh Deacon stood up and then leaned over and kissed the top of her head, much like he would have done to Maddie. "I gotta get back to our girl."

And Rayna was left sitting on the porch alone.

Slowly she rose and walked to her truck, and she got in and drove away.

She cried all the way back to Nashville, tears running down her face freely as she drove. She'd never felt so confused, so lost.

As soon as she was back in range, she reached for her cell phone and punched in a familiar number, relieved when it was answered.

"Hey," she said, her voice raw and her heart aching. "I really need you right now."

**I wonder who she called….. Thanks for reading, another chapter soon :) **


	6. Chapter 6

Juliette ended the phone call, looking mystified.

"What was that all about?" Avery asked from where he was standing at the kitchen counter. He squirted another dollop of ketchup onto the glass casserole dish heaped with pasta and grabbed a wooden spoon to mix it up.

She couldn't help but smile, watching him from where she had her feet up on the sofa. If there was an award for putting up with the actions of a crazy hormonal pregnant woman, Avery would win it hands down.

"It was Rayna," she said slowly. "She's gonna stop over. Says she wants to talk about something."

"She didn't say what for?"

Juliette shook her head. "No, but she sounded really upset. You don't think she's gonna drop me, do you? With the baby and all?"

Avery walked over and dropped to his knees in front of the couch. "No, I don't think that."

"Avery, look at me. I'm gigantic already and I still have months to go. She's probably worried I'm an embarrassment to the label."

"You're beautiful," he said, pressing a quick kiss to her mouth, and then leaning over and kissing her bump. "I better get lost before she gets here. Your macaroni's in the warming drawer. Call me if you need anything?"

She couldn't keep the silly smile off her face as she watched him go.

_Best husband ever. _

_###################################_

For as unhinged as she'd sounded on the phone, Juliette was surprised when she opened the door an hour later and at first glance Rayna looked as calm and collected as she usually did, like nothing was wrong in the least and it was a casual afternoon visit.

_I bet,_ Juliette surmised. _She's a pro at that. Faking for the crowd._

"Hey," Rayna said with false brightness. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Juliette stepped aside and let her in.

"So what's new with you?" Rayna asked casually as she wandered around the living room, picking up a picture of Juliette and Avery from the CMAs and examining it. Putting it back down again. "How's your pregnancy going?"

"Um…great," Juliette said warily, standing in the doorway with her hands braced on her back. "The baby's great. Thanks for asking."

"And Avery? Things with Avery?"

She couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Actually, I have some big news." She held out her hand with her wedding ring on it. "Avery and I got married yesterday."

The surprise on Rayna's face was obvious. "Wow. Congratulations. That was….quick."

"Sometimes you just know I guess, right?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "I guess you do."

"Thank you. So….what's going on with you?" Juliette asked as she sank down onto the sofa. "You sounded…upset on the phone."

"Oh, you know," Rayna said, waving a hand like it was no big deal. "Just a lot of craziness with Highway 65, and the CMA stuff, and the wedding…" her voice trailed off.

"Is that all?"

"Yep."

Juliette contemplated this for a minute before speaking. How strange to be on the other end of this, she thought. But she and Rayna had come a long way in the last years before they could finally land in a place with common ground. It felt good. "You know," she said cautiously. "I know we've had our moments, but I'd like to think that we've come a long way. That we're friends, maybe? And if something is bothering you…

With a sigh Rayna sunk down onto the sofa next to her, drumming her fingers on her knees, her eyes darkening with worry.

"Well Tandy's in California, and Sadie's on tour, and I just…really need someone to talk to," she said with a hitch in her voice.

"Rayna you saw me through my mom's death, and everything with Jeff…the least I can do is listen," Juliette said firmly. "What is it? The CMA stuff? I saw all those pictures of Deacon and Luke fighting. Ridiculous. And I'm not gonna lie, Luke's behavior onstage was appalling. I think no one is just brave enough to tell you that to your face, but I'm sure you know."

She could see the tears blurring Rayna's eyes. It was unlike her, to become so completely unhinged.

Sometimes Juliette had to admit she still wondered why the hell Deacon and Rayna weren't together, and she wondered how Rayna could go on thinking that marrying Luke Wheeler would make whatever was between them magically disappear. It was obvious to anyone standing within a fifty foot radius of them that there was something there more powerful than anyone on the outside would ever understand. Deacon would love this woman until the day he drew his last breathe, she had no doubt in her mind.

"I think I might have a problem," Rayna admitted, her words coming out in a rush. "I've been thinking I might for a little while now, and we've been so busy with the tour, and I just keep trying to ignore it, and….I mean, I'm getting married in a few weeks, you know? We're supposed to start this new life with the girls, and everything is falling apart, and I don't know how to stop it, or fix it, or…." She covered her mouth with her hand, a ragged sob escaping.

_Wow_. "Um…okay," Juliette said softly, reaching out to take her hand. Rayna squeezed it hard in return. "Whatever it is, one day at a time, right? That's what you told me."

"The problem is, I'm running out of days," she whispered.

The wedding. "So you're having cold feet about the wedding? Marrying Luke?" Again, in the back of her mind Juliette thought of Deacon. She hadn't seen him in awhile, but Avery had. _How is he? _She'd asked_. How does he look? Broken, _Avery had replied._ I've never seen a man that broken. It's sad, Juliette. Just sad. _"I think you need to start from the beginning, because I'm still a little lost here."

Rayna took a shaky breath and swiped the last of the tears from her eyes with her jacket sleeve, and then gratefully accepted the box of Kleenex that Juliette held out. "The night of the concert at LP field….Deacon came to the house."

"Deacon. Not Luke."

"Yep."

Juliette didn't know why she was surprised. He was Deacon, after all. She'd seen him hang onto this woman for dear life with both hands like a drowning man clinging to a life raft. It wouldn't matter if Rayna got married and divorced fifty times. Deacon would never let go.

In the beginning, she might have not understood it but she did now after everything with Avery.

When you loved someone that much, it wasn't just hard to let go.

It was impossible.

"And he…what, told you not to marry Luke?"

Rayna's hands were shaking as she rubbed them against her knees.

"Deacon asked me to marry him."

Juliette's eyes widened. "Um…okay. And you said no."

"Not at first."

"So when exactly did you say no," Juliette said wryly.

"The next morning," Rayna said miserably. She could see it in Juliette's face the instant it hit her.

"Oh my god," Juliette said with startled realization. "You think you're pregnant, is that what this is all about? And it's _Deacon's_? You slept with Deacon?"

Rayna's tears started falling all over again.

"And there's no chance it could be Luke's?"

Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. "No. The timing….Luke was on tour and all…."

It took Juliette a few minutes to digest this. _Holy hell,_ she thought. _And here I always thought Rayna Jaymes had the perfect life. _

"Well first of all," Juliette said firmly. "You need to know for sure. I mean, this could all be a false alarm and nothing to worry about, right? Just trying to think rational here."

Rayna swiped at her eyes. "Right. I guess you're right. I haven't had the nerve to find out. Plus you know the instant I walk into the drug store to buy a pregnancy test, it'll be all over the five o clock news."

"Well lucky for you," she said cheerfully, reaching for her phone. "I have something better. I have an Emily."

######################################

An hour later, the two of them were sitting on the floor in Juliette's plush master bathroom with their backs against the tile wall, staring at a plus sign on a white and pink plastic stick.

Rayna was definitely, totally, 100% pregnant.

"I think I'm going to pass out," she murmured as they sat there, both in a state of shock. "This cannot be happening."

Juliette could definitely sympathize with her, having recently been through that stunner moment on her own. She put a hand on her belly as the baby kicked, like a little reminder. "Things happen for a reason," she said. "And this…is crazy. What a mess. But you'll figure it out, Rayna. You always do. You're the queen of figuring things out."

Rayna shook her head. "I don't know how I can ever fix this. Luke will never forgive me. He's not Teddy, you know?"

Juliette knew exactly what she was referring to. Just because Teddy had been willing to accept another man's child as his own did not mean Luke Wheeler was going to do it.

She winced. It really wasn't even a consideration, and she was sure Rayna knew that too. Deacon would accept that idea when hell froze over, especially after all he'd gone through with finding out Maddie was his.

"What are you going to do?"

"I can't do anything until I tell him," Rayna said quietly. "Deacon. He needs to be the first to know. He deserves that. I…didn't give him that chance last time. And then I'll tell Luke and probably call off the wedding. This is just...nothing I never would have planned. It's going to take a few days for the shock to wear off."

Juliette nodded. "That's a good place to start. Can I ask you something?"

Rayna rubbed at her puffy eyes once more. "What?"

"Why _aren't_ you with Deacon? It's obvious he loves you, and you can't say that you don't love him. It's all over your face. I know you love Luke, but this is not the same kind of love, and I think you know that. Even I can see that," Juliette said hesitantly. "So why?"

"There's a fear that comes with loving someone who has hurt you that badly," Rayna said, her voice. "And I think I…just don't know how to get over it," she admitted. "I do love Deacon. I've loved him since the first time I've ever laid eyes on him. I'm starting to realize maybe saying yes to Luke…it was a lot less about loving him and a lot more about protecting myself."

Juliette got real quiet for a minute. "I really wish I could help in some way," she said finally. "You've done so much for me."

"You letting me cry all over your bathroom where no one can see is enough, believe me," Rayna said, managing a small smile. "Don't tell anyone you ever saw this."

She laughed. "Yes. I guess we can be hormonal together, right? At least for a couple months. Poor Avery. He's been on more late night pickle and ice cream runs in the last few months than you can ever imagine."

"Oh my god, ice cream sounds amazing," Rayna admitted with a sigh. "I'm going to spend the next seven months turning into a total basketcase, I know it. When I was pregnant with the girls, all I did was cry the entire time. It's so…_not_ me."

"I should call Avery about that ice cream. That man will do anything for me right now."

Rayna reached over and put a hand on her arm. "Juliette, you're going to be a great mom. And thank you. For being here."

Coming from Rayna, that meant more to Juliette than she'd ever know.

"You know," said thoughtfully, her face turning up into a smile. "I have something even better than ice cream.

Rayna watched as Juliette left the bathroom and came back a few minutes later. She was holding a glass casserole dish and two spoons.

After all, nothing solved the problems of the world like pink macaroni.

#####################################################

**Four Days Later: **

Deacon pulled the truck to a stop in the big circle in front of Rayna's house, and got out to help Maddie with her stuff. "Alright, now I'll be in Memphis all weekend, so I'll see you next week, okay?" he said as they stood on the front steps saying goodbye.

Maddie looked glum. "I guess."

He hugged her and tugged at the braid in the side of her hair. "Whatsa matter, we had fun, right? It was nice getting to spend all that time together at the cabin."

"Yeah…." Maddie said, her voice quiet and a little more hopeful. "You could come in for a few minutes and say hi."

He hesitated, thinking of the way him and Rayna had left things on Sunday. "I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie."

But Maddie continued. "Or tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Maybe you could come eat turkey with us. Don't worry, Mom's not cooking it. And I mean my other dad is going to be there too so it won't be weird or anything.

Deacon could see exactly what she was trying to do, and the hope in her eyes just about killed him. "Maddie…"

"I just…wish we could all be together," Maddie said softly, her eyes filling with tears. "Always. Like a real family."

"I know sweetie, me too," he said, hugging her close again and kissing the top of her head, feeling his own eyes burn. "You go on in by your mama and Daphne now, okay? I'll call you."

Reluctantly she turned to go in.

Then the front door opened, and Rayna came outside.

He would have thought for a second she looked relieved to see him, but he didn't want to imagine that anymore. He'd said his part, and more than once, and she'd made it perfectly clear.

She was still choosing Luke Wheeler over him, and nothing he said or did was going to change that.

Maddie trudged past her mom and into the house.

He turned to go without saying a word.

"Deacon, wait," Rayna said quickly, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. It had taken a few days for the shock to wear off, but the reality was settling in now, and she knew she couldn't wait much longer. Deacon needed to know.

He just stared at her hand on his arm, and slowly, gently pushed it off. "I gotta go."

"I really need to talk to you about something," she said quietly.

"Is it about Maddie?"

"Not exactly."

"Then it can't be that important," his expression remained stoic.

"Well it is. You gonna be home later?" she asked tentatively.

"Nope. I got somewhere to be. Guess you're out of luck."

Rayna's face fell. "How bout in an hour? At the bridge?"

"I can't. Sorry," he turned to go.

"Why are you being like this?" Her voice called from behind him, pleading.

Deacon's eyes were so sad that it made her heart hurt. "Why?" he said quietly. "You're marrying another man, Rayna. Again. You made that perfectly clear. Right now I don't got much to be happy about. I'd appreciate it if you'd let me be for awhile."

_I deserve this_, she thought miserably. _I hurt him so badly. _

She watched him walk to his truck, hands in his front pockets, shoulders hunched over. It took her back to the night he'd come here two months ago, when he'd taken that risk to put it all on the line and fight for her. When they'd stood here outside in the dark. _You'll never marry Luke_, he'd said without an ounce of doubt.

_I could say it right now, _she thought. It would only take two words, and she knew he'd turn around and come back.

But she didn't. It wasn't the time or the place.

This time, she didn't climb in that truck cab next to him.

This time, she let him go.

###################################

"Are you sure you're still up for this weekend in Memphis?" Scarlett asked worriedly, watching Deacon throw stuff into the suitcase open on his bed. "You seem a little….off balance. And you just got back from the cabin and all…"

"Yes," he said firmly. "I need to get out of here. This house, this town…everything."

"Is this about Rayna?"

He gave her a Look.

_Right_, Scarlett thought. _It's always about Rayna._

"You want me to go with you?"

"Nope."

"You sure?"

"Scarlett! I said no_, _alright!"

"I was just offerin," she muttered. "Just tryin to help."

His expression softened. "I know you were, and I'm sorry."

Scarlett watched, troubled as he gathered up his stuff and headed out the door without looking back.

_This is exactly what I need,_ Deacon thought moodily as he stared at the yellow lines on the highway in front of him. Maybe they wouldn't even stop at Memphis. Maybe they'd head for Jackson, or Dallas, or hell he'd keep driving until he got all the way to the goddamn ocean if he had to. Anything to get away from Nashville, and the damn Wheels Up tour, and all the chaos that seemed to be two steps behind him lately, and had Rayna's name attached to it.

He glanced over at the guitar case laid on the front seat next to him, and something caught his eye. The faded sticker with Rayna's face on it that had been there as long as he could damn well remember. Resolutely he pulled over to the side of the road for a minute, and then he reached over and peeled off every piece of it. Then he picked up his phone and scrolled through his contact list.

She picked up on the first ring. "Hey," she said. "You pickin me up or what? You're late."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

**Oooooo I wonder whose coming along for the ride….. ;) thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

Pam didn't know why she'd really agreed to go to Memphis with him, but the man on the phone had sounded like he needed someone, and truthfully she worried about him, maybe a little more than she should be, but it seemed to come as a second instinct when she was around him.

That's what friends did.

She watched Deacon as he drove, his mouth set in a hard line. As the mile markers along the side of the highway crossed behind them, his face seemed to relax a little.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm good," he said briefly. "Just a headache."

He'd been complaining of an awful lot of headaches lately, and there'd been that bout with the flu the last week of the tour when she'd practically had to hold him down for three days to feed him chicken soup and keep him off the stage so he wouldn't collapse on it. "You know, you might want to see a doctor. All the stress lately…your immune system is probably shot."

"I ain't seeing a doctor, I'm fine," he said stubbornly.

But 20 miles later, he was rubbing his eyes again.

"Pull over," Pam said with a sigh. "I'll drive."

For once, he didn't even argue.

Deacon slept the last hour to Memphis, and when they checked into the hotel, he seemed really out of it, she thought. He was a mess. For once she couldn't even tell if it was because of Rayna, or just because he plain didn't seem like he felt that great. It didn't help that it seemed like Luke and Rayna were everywhere they turned, even in Memphis. News of their upcoming wedding was on the tv in the lobby, even on the front of the newspapers left on the coffee table in the waiting area.

"You should just cancel that gig Friday night," she said later that night as they laid across one of the queen size beds in their suite watching tv, forgoing going out for staying in. "And we can just hang out here and relax instead. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. We can eat tv dinners and watch vampire movies or something. It won't be the greatest, but hell who likes holidays anyway, right?"

"It's for a benefit," Deacon said wearily. "Friday. I can't do that."

"Well you look like hell. I'm not letting you get on stage like this."

He was too tired to argue. Halfway through the western movie she'd reluctantly agreed to watch with him, he was already asleep on her shoulder.

Pam gently eased away from him, and studied his sleeping form for a few minutes, the rumpled hair and stubble he hadn't bothered with in a few days. He looked pale too, and just…not right.

With a sigh she covered him up, and went to sleep in the other bed.

The next morning Deacon was up before her. She could hear the shower running as she laid in bed a little longer, and she hoped it meant he was feeling better. But it kept running and running….

_Damn that man has hot water issues,_ she thought silently.

Pam reluctantly crawled out from under the puffy white blankets and went to bang on the door. "Hey, save some for me!"

There was no witty response yelled back like there usually was, no sound of him singing in the shower, and come to think of it, he had been in there a LONG time.

"Deacon?" She pushed open the bathroom door.

Her heart stopped. The hot water had ran out so long ago that the steam had turned to cold water droplets on the mirror. And Deacon was laying facedown on the tile floor, shirtless in only his sweatpants.

_Dammit_. She rolled him over and slapped his face a few times but got no response. He was breathing, but out cold and she had no idea why, if he'd hit his head on the way down, had a brain aneurysm or what.

Or just passed out.

_No,_ she told herself, _he wouldn't do that_. There was no doubt in her mind. He had not gotten up in the middle of the night and started drinking. This was something else entirely, and judging from how he'd been looking yesterday, she was scared to know what it was.

Panicking, she raced into the other room, grabbed her cell phone and called 911.

##############################

**Thanksgiving: **

"Well, I'd call that a success," Luke said, sinking down onto the sofa next to Rayna with an open beer in his hand. "Food was great, nobody killed each other across the table. Think it was pretty good."

The kids were gone now, the girls gone back to Teddy's with him, Luke's kids sent back to their mother's. It was the first time they'd actually gotten any time alone in a couple days. There was a fire going in the fireplace, and the whole room was quiet, warm and cozy. It should have felt good, she thought, but it just felt…wrong. It all felt wrong now.

Rayna forced a smile. "Yes, it was a nice dinner. Family and all." A success. Right. Over the turkey and mashed potatoes that had been delivered by a catering service, she'd watched Maddie and Luke's son Colt make eyes at each other that definitely did not seem sibling-like. She'd also invited Juliette and Avery, and Teddy, just for the sake of the girls, and because she felt bad him being alone on Thanksgiving. Teddy had been grateful and polite, although she saw the look on his face when Luke started talking about how his kids attended a great private boarding school eight months out of the year.

"_Absolutely not,"_ she'd stated firmly. "_Our daughters will not go to boarding school." _

Luke had looked like he wanted to say more, but thought better over siding with Rayna and her ex, and wisely kept his mouth shut.

Juliette's eyes had watched her and Luke like a hawk the entire time, before she'd cornered Rayna in the kitchen when she was cutting pies for dessert.

_"So you didn't tell him yet," she said, glancing at the doorway to the living room. "Either of them." _

_ Rayna concentrated real hard on arranging the dessert plates in front of her and doling out the slices of pumpkin pie. "I tried. Deacon…doesn't want to talk to me. He's out of town now so…." Her bottom lip trembled slightly. "I told you, I need to tell him first. He deserves that." She'd seen her doctor the day before for a confirmation and an ultrasound. And seeing that little blip on the screen was everything. It made it real. And it hurt that he wasn't there. She _wanted_ him there. _

_ She wanted him there more than anything. _

_ "That wedding is in two weeks," Juliette reminded in a hushed tone. "Make him talk to you!" _

_ "Juliette, you know how he is, stubborn as the day is long. If he doesn't want to talk to me, I won't find him until he does." _

_ "Well you better figure something out, or you're going to be blurting it out at the altar," Juliette said without qualms. "And besides, it's becoming…noticeable, I think. You're not going to be able to hide it much longer. Or wear different shirts or something." _

_ Rayna looked horrified, glancing down at herself to examine her waistline. "It is not." She'd thought she imagined that slight new curve looking in the mirror yesterday, but maybe not. _

_10 weeks, they'd said at the appointment. But then again, the doctor was just confirming what she already knew. _

_ "Well…" Juliette winced. _

_ Luke came in from the other room then. "You need some help in here, ladies?" He slipped an arm around Rayna's waist, and kissed her cheek. _

_ Over her shoulder, Juliette gave her a look with raised eyebrows, and Rayna's eyes warned her to not say anything. _

_ "Yes," she said, quickly putting pie plates in both of Luke's hands and effectively dodging his affections. "Can you take these out there to the kids, please?" _

_ "Sure thing, darlin." _

_ Rayna stood there for a few minutes before she went back in the other room to join them. _

_ She had to make her hands stop shaking first. _

And now,as Luke sat next to her talking about the honeymoon he'd planned for them in Australia, it was all she could do to keep from breaking out in tears right there on the spot. Reality was starting to hit home, and she was inwardly starting to panic. And the distance between her and Luke was a little more every day the closer it got to the wedding. She could feel it. Maybe he could to, she thought, because he was pushing harder than ever. Sending her flowers and buying expensive gifts, taking her on exorbitant dates….He was trying to buy her good graces back after the disaster at the CMAs, and she knew it. She also knew it was too late to ever work. She had a black and white picture in her purse that proved it. There was a new reality now, to figure out how to face, and a dream to let go of. She _did _love Luke. They'd made plans, and dreamed up a future, and he'd been so good to her and the girls…

But she knew without a doubt he was never going to forgive her if she told him the truth.

And she also knew Deacon would never forgive her if she didn't.

She was fairly certain this was the true definition of that old saying "up shit creek without a paddle."

Her eyes were solemn, studying his handsome face. He loved her. She knew he did.

Oh, this was not fair. Not fair at all.

"What you thinkin?" Luke asked now. He reached for her hand, and took it in both of his, examining the gigantic ring on her finger and the way it caught the light just right. "Just a few more weeks, babe. And it'll be you and me for the rest of our days."

"And the girls," she reminded. "And your kids."

"Well…yeah, them too, but I like having you all to myself," he pulled her in to nuzzle her neck. "Like now."

Gently she pushed him back a little, and she could see the puzzlement in his eyes, the disappointment.

"You know," she said, tentatively diving into a conversation they'd never really had. She had to know, even though she thought she already knew the answer. "I was thinking today as we were all sitting around the table… about how fast the girls are growing up. Maddie will be off to college in four years, and Daphne will be driving and….this house will be so empty. They bring so much life to it. Even now, when Teddy has them…the quiet is too much for me sometimes."

"Oh, I don't know," Luke said, reaching out to smooth her hair off her face. "It's kinda nice, ain't it? Just you and me."

She smiled briefly, cautiously. "But do you ever think…you know…"

Luke pulled back and searched her face. "Rayna. Are you saying you want to have more _kids_?"

"I'm not saying anything. Just putting it out there as a….possibility," she said, a little defensively. "I just wanted to see what you thought of the idea."

"Well that's something I'd have to think about real hard," Luke said, looking mystified and not too enthused about the idea at all. "I mean….that's a lot of work, Rayna. Starting over and all. Dragging a kid around on tour?"

"Just thinking about it, that's all. It's not like I never did it with the girls."

"Well don't do anything crazy like throw out your pills. That's gonna require a LOT of thinkin on my part," he said, sounding all disjointed now.

He let go of her hand, and rubbed his temple with two fingers. "I need another beer," he muttered, getting to his feet and heading for the kitchen.

It seemed like the distance between them grew by another two miles.

Rayna sat there staring at the fireplace flames in silence, holding back tears. And with that, she felt her heart finally let go of Luke and everything he meant.

Juliette was right, she had to make Deacon talk to her, whether he wanted to or not.

################################

**Thanksgiving**

Deacon woke up with an IV in his arm and a tube in his nose, and it took him a few minutes to comprehend where he was and what the hell had happened. The last thing he remembered he'd been standing in the hotel bathroom, and just like that, the tile walls had started spinning and everything went black.

Scarlett was sitting in a chair next to the bed, thumbing through a magazine.

"What happened?" he whispered, his throat dry.

She looked up, startled to see him awake and speaking, and leaned forward quickly to stop him from yanking the oxygen tube out of his nose. "You're at the hospital in Memphis," she said softly. "Pam found you passed out in the bathroom and called 911. Then she called me."

His face paled. "She didn't…."

"No. She didn't call Rayna."

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Scarlett scolded gently. "Pam told the doctor you'd been sick on and off a couple weeks already."

He rubbed at his eyes with the non IV hand. "I didn't think it was a big deal."

"Well, it's probably not," Scarlett said, ever optimistic. "You're probably just dehydrated or something. She's still here, by the way. Went to hunt up some coffee. I like her a lot."

"We're just friends, Scarlett. She rides my ass more than you do."

"Oh I know," Scarlett said with a smirk. "That's why I like her. And seems you could use a friend or two."

A doctor came in then, with two nurses and another doctor behind her.

And in that instant he knew whatever the hell they were about to tell him was bad.

However, nothing could have prepared him for the words that flowed so easily out of the doctor's mouth, like she delivered bad news like this a hundred times a day.

_Your white blood cell count is elevated, and your liver function is low. We need to run more tests, but I strongly suspect cancer_. _Don't plan on going anywhere for a few days_.

The world spun around him, and his chest heaved, like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Next to him, Scarlett reached for his hand, tears of disbelief already running down her face.

It seemed as thought the sins of the past had finally caught up to him once and for all. And this time, they weren't gonna take the woman he loved, or years with the daughter he didn't know he had.

They were going to take his life.

########################################

**4 days later: **

Pam parked Deacon's truck on the curb in front of his house, and slid the keys under the mat just like he'd instructed, and then she sat on the porch swing and dialed a cab number.

The last four days in Memphis had been hell.

Last night she'd watched him and Scarlett get ready to get on a plane for Minneapolis. She wanted to go, demanded that Scarlett might need some company, but he'd vehemently said no.

_"You're not going," Deacon said as she watched him sitting on the edge of the hospital bed trying to button his shirt and pull on his boots. "What I really need you to do is drive my truck back to Nashville. That would be a big help." His fingers fumbled with the buttons, and he swore under his breath. He'd just spent four days chained to a hospital bed, and the lack of strength was obvious. _

_ Pam pushed his hands aside and did it for him, and for once he didn't complain about needing help. _

_ They were sending him to Minneapolis for a two week clinical trial of a new medicine for liver cancer patients. Because that's what he was now. In just a few days he'd officially become a cancer patient, a big fat statistic, another alcoholic who had ruined his body and would now have to pay for it. _

_ She wanted to cry for him, because she knew he wouldn't. He'd been so stoic about it ever since the moment that doctor left the room, that it was a little scary the way he just gave up. _

_ "Hey," he said, putting a hand on her arm. "Thanks. For everything." _

_ "Yeah well," she said, trying to make a joke like she always did. "Someone's gotta help that niece of yours keep you in line." _

_ "I mean it," he said quietly. "You've been a real good friend the last couple months, and it means a lot." _

_ "Oh, the f-bomb," she said with a sigh and a smile. "That means time to say goodbye, right?" _

_ "I don't know what kind of battle I got ahead here, but I don't want you dragged into it. I don't want anyone else to know, either. And if I don't…make it out of all this, would you just check in on Scarlett once in awhile?" _

_ "Don't even talk like that." _

_ "I have to. I saw the odds. I heard what that doctor said. They ain't in my favor. At all."_

_ She got real quiet, and sat down next to him on the bed. "There's something else I gotta say before I go. So just... let me, okay?" _

_ "Oh, and what's that?" his knee bumped hers playfully. _

_ "It's about Rayna." _

_ Deacon's smile faded. _

_ "She doesn't need to know anything right now." _

_ He'd been arguing with both Pam and Scarlett for the last four days about calling her, to no avail. In the end they'd reluctantly agreed not to do it. _

_ "I think she does." _

_ He shook his head. "I know Rayna. And the last thing I want is her trying to take care of me. She spent way too damn long doing that." _

_ "You know I finally got it," Pam admitted with a sigh. "At the CMAs. When I saw the way you two looked at each other…I got it, but as far as understanding, it doesn't really make any sense to me. She loves you." _

_"I know." The way he said it, without a hint of doubt in his voice. "It's never been about that." _

_ "Then what it is?" _

_"She doesn't trust me," he said simply. "That I'm not gonna turn back into that guy in a year or five years, or even 20. And it's too late now, anyway. I'm sitting here dying. I'm not gonna put her through that."_

_ "So you're just gonna give up, then, huh?" Pam said, getting a little bit ticked off at him. "You're not even going to fight for your own life?" _

_ "What do you expect me to do?" Deacon said defensively. "Be that guy who stands up in the back of the church and objects? Oh and by the way, I forgot to add…my liver's shot and it looks like I'm gonna be shopping for a new one. Am I supposed to ask her if she'd mind sticking around for that?"_

_"Hell no," Pam retorted. "Besides, I don't think they'll even get as far as the aisle. None of those pictures in the media lately have had either of them looking too happy." _

_He got quiet again. It should have made him happy to hear that, but everything was different now. _

_ "You don't really seem to me like the kind of person that would tell someone else to give up," she said softly. "Take your own advice, Deacon. Fight for your life. And fight for what you want. Even if it's her." _

_ He pressed the truck keys into her hand. "Go home. Please." _

_ Reluctantly she stood, trying to push away the hollow feeling in her chest. She hugged him, though he was stiff as a board, and kissed his cheek, and finally she got a reluctant hug in return. _

_ "Sorry this hospital is about as much of Memphis as you got to see," he said gruffly. _

_ "I'll forgive you," she winked. "This time. See ya, Deacon. Take care of yourself. Let me know how you are." _

_ "Sure. See ya." _

_ And with that, she walked out of the room, wiping away a few stray tears. She might have loved him once, in another time or place, different circumstances, even though they both knew it was never going to go anywhere. _

_His heart would always belong to Rayna, til the day he died._

Pam sat on his front porch steps waiting for the cab, recollecting the last few days, and wondering if her and Scarlett had really done the right thing by not making that call.

A silver SUV slowed to a stop at the curb, and she watched as the driver got out.

Rayna.

And Rayna did not look much happy to see her, though she tried to hide it.

"Hi there," Pam said, pasting a fake smile on her face. "If you're looking for Deacon, he's not here."

"Really, because that looks like his truck right over there," she said, determined, stalking up the front steps and banging on his door.

"Something came up, he's not…back yet," Pam said wryly. "You can pound on that door all you want, no one is going to answer."

Rayna's face said she didn't believe a damn word of it. "I know he was supposed to come back from Memphis today. I really need to talk to him, Pam."

"Is Maddie okay?"

"She's fine. It has nothing to do with Maddie."

"I'm really sorry," Pam said, and she meant it. "But he's not going to be back for awhile. Maybe a few weeks. That's all I can tell you." She saw it then, that look in the other woman's eyes. Rayna might have tried to hide it, but just for a second she saw it. Utter despair.

It was quickly replaced by anger, though. She looked pissed.

And Pam wondered what the hell Rayna was doing anyway, over here seeking Deacon out just days before she was supposed to marry Luke Wheeler.

_That's one wedding that's definitely not going to happen_, she thought again.

"Look, Rayna said, hands on her hips, "I don't really know what's going on with the two of you, if you're…..dating him or just another one of these placeholders he keeps around or what, but-."

_Placeholders?_ Pam thought, hiding a smile. _That's a new one._ She had to admit, seeing Rayna all disjointed over him having someone else to "hold her place", was rather amusing.

Rayna however, did not look amused. "This little game you're playing of not telling me where he is, it's not cool. At all."

Pam didn't look the least bit intimidated. "It's not a game," she said sincerely. "Not in the least."

"Then why won't you tell me where the hell he is?"

"Because," she said quietly. "He asked me not to."

Rayna didn't know what to say to that, she couldn't even find the words. "Is he okay?" she asked finally. "Can you tell me that?"

"If you're asking if he's out on a bender getting drunk somewhere," she said levelly, "I think you know he's not the same person he used to be, and that should give you your answer. But no, he's not okay either."

The yellow cab pulled up then, and Pam ducked around her to go. At the last second she turned back. "He needs you," she said simply. "Don't let him go yet. Please."

And then she got in the cab and was gone.

Stunned, Rayna sank onto the porch swing and tried to absorb it. Two weeks. She didn't have two weeks. She had exactly 10 days. And she had exactly no idea where he was or when he was coming back.

The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming, her greatest fears realized. It was like 15 years ago all over again, without the alcohol this time. He still knew how to disappear.

And with that she put her head down in her hands and cried.

###############################################

**9 days later: **

** "**I've never been so damn happy to see this pile of rocks," Deacon said as him and Scarlett walked up the front steps of his house.

Scarlett laughed, "me too."

It had been a rough couple weeks for sure, and they wouldn't know if the trial had worked until all the test results were final in a few days, but it looked promising and the doctors were optimistic. Scarlett was trying her damnest to be optimistic for both of them, and given the perpetual state of negativity Deacon lived in, it was exhausting.

As he opened the door, a piece of paper fluttered to the ground, and he picked it up, taking note of Rayna's familiar scrawl. _We need to talk_. _Please call me as soon as you get home_.

She'd been there.

She'd been calling him, non-stop for the last few weeks, and it had hurt like hell to ignore the messages, to see all those missed calls.

But tomorrow she was marrying Luke Wheeler.

And given the fate he'd been handed in the last few weeks, he had to accept that now, however hard of a pill it was to swallow.

Because at least it meant her and the girls wouldn't be alone.

Scarlett dropped her bags near the door as they walked inside. "I don't know about you, but I'm headed straight for bed. G night," she disappeared down the hall.

He slumped on the couch and stared at the piece of paper in his hand.

And with shaking hands, he dialed her number.

Rayna picked up on the first ring.

"Hey," she said, the relief in her voice obvious. "You're back? You're home?"

"Uh…yeah," he said quietly. "I'm home."

"I'm coming over."

"Rayna, it's after midnight, and I'm pretty tired. I just…wanted to make sure you were…okay, or whatever. Sorry I missed your calls."

"I'm not," she said, sounding sad. "I'm not okay. I'll be there in ten minutes."

The call ended, and he sat there in the dark, waiting for the knock on the door he knew would come, when he'd have to tell her that he wasn't going to be around to teach their daughter to drive or harass her prom dates, walk her down the aisle… any of that. He wasn't going to be there.

He sure as hell wasn't okay either.

#######################################

_My life just turned into a damn movie of the week_, Rayna thought as she raised her hand to knock. She was supposed to be getting married in 14 hours, and instead she was standing on Deacon's front porch after midnight, trying to get up the nerve to tell him they were having another baby fifteen years after they'd had the first one. _My god, how the hell did this even happen?_

But this was it. She was determined. She was going to walk in there, and tell him the truth, and let fate decide the rest. She had no choice.

The last two weeks had been nothing but chaos. She'd almost told Luke half a dozen times, but that resolve stuck with her. She had to tell Deacon before him. It just wouldn't seem right otherwise.

And as the days ticked by, she started to wonder if he was coming back. She started to doubt herself more and more, if it was the right thing to do, calling off the wedding so close. Maybe an annulment later would be easier. So many maybe's, and the one person who could solve them all was nowhere to be found.

_Damn you, Deacon. Great time to disappear_, she'd thought over and over again.

Tandy had flown in yesterday from San Francisco. They'd spent the day at the spa with the girls, but her sister knew something was wrong from the instant she walked off the plane. Blessedly, Tandy had waited until the girls were in bed to confront her.

_Rayna stood in front of the full length mirror in her room wearing the dress she was supposed to get married in tomorrow. _

_ Luke had looked so happy when she'd said goodbye to him this morning, all ready to go out with the guys for a big bachelor party. "Next time I see you, it'll be at the end of that aisle," he said, smacking a kiss on her lips before he got in his truck and took off. Whistling. He was whistling. _

_ My god, she thought, staring at herself in that dress. Her face paled at the realization that she was starting to look like she swallowed a grapefruit. If Tandy had noticed, she hadn't said anything yet. Then again, Tandy was almost to the bottom of the first bottle of wine too. _

_ "Help me." _

_"What?" Tandy asked from her place on the sofa, glass in hand, looking up from the bridal magazine in her hand she was flipping through._

_ Rayna started pulled at the sleeves immediately. "Get this off me." _

_"Well hold on now, don't rip it, that dress cost more than my life" Tandy said, hurriedly going for the zipper. "What's gotten into you?" _

_ She stepped away from it like she'd been burned, turning her back from her sister, hurrying towards the closet. _

_ A few minutes later she returned in yoga pants and a well-worn blue flannel shirt. Her face was distressed, stained with tears. _

_ Tandy stared at her. "What the hell is going on? I'm your sister. Don't hide things." _

_ "I'm calling off the wedding," she said quietly, sinking onto the sofa next to Tandy. "I can't do this. Any of it. I'm so tired of trying not to hurt everyone…." _

_ "Rayna, it's in 14 hours!" Tandy looked appalled. She held up the bottle of wine. "Drink. It will relax you. You're just having night before the wedding jitters. You were like this when you married Teddy too, remember?" _

_ "Yeah, and look how that turned out," she reminded wryly. "I should have known." _

_ "Oh come on, now," Tandy said soothingly. "It'll be fine."_

_ "It's not just jitters," Rayna said, her lower lip trembling. "I don't even know how it got so out of control. I don't recognize my life at all anymore. All this…it's not what I want. What I ever wanted. Luke and I don't want the same things out of our lives. It's time to admit that."_

_ Tandy's face softened. "Honey, he loves you. Think of that. The way he looks at you, the way he makes you feel. You love him. That's enough. There's nothing to be scared of." _

_ It made her eyes overflow and her heart ache, hearing those words. Tandy didn't know it, but she'd just said exactly the right thing. _

_ Tandy held out her glass of wine to share. _

_ She shook her head. "I can't. I mean…." _

_ Her sister stared at her, and Rayna could see it hit her. _

_ She laughed. Tandy actually laughed. "Is that why you're such a mess? Are you pregnant?" _

_ Rayna burst into tears once more. _

_ "I should have known. You were exactly the same way with both of the girls," Tandy recalled, reaching over to give her a hug. "Oh honey, it's not the end of the world. I guess that means I get to drink all the wine for the next 9 months."_

_"Seven," Rayna said faintly. _

_ "What?" _

_ "Seven months," she whispered. "It was 12 weeks yesterday." _

_ Tandy raised her eyebrows. "You're that far already? Well how does that work? Wasn't Luke off on tour?" _

"_Yes." Rayna's face crumpled. _

_ "Oh honey, you didn't." Tandy practically dropped her glass. "You slept with Deacon_?"

_"It was only that one night,_ the _night of the concert when he…proposed," she admitted. "I might ha_ve _left that part out also." _

_ "Oh lord," Tandy said, rolling her eyes. "How long exactly have I been gone?" _

_ "See what happens when you leave," Rayna tried to make light of it. "My life goes all the hell. I need you here." And now, she was going to need her sister more than ever. _

_"Apparently!" Tandy looked appalled. "First of all, why didn't you tell me, and second of all, what were you thinking? And third of all, you know it only takes once. Damn, that jackass!" _

_"I know that, Tandy, I'm not a damn teenager," Rayna said, annoyed. "And it's not all Deacon's fault. I've been on the same pills for years, but they switched the prescription awhile ago. I think that had something to do with it." _

_ "That's crazy. Maybe this is fate catching up with you," Tandy said quietly. _

_ "Maybe it is." _

_ The phone laying on the coffee table buzzed, and she reached for it. Her heart raced when she saw his name. Fate. That's what it was, alright. _

And now,she was standing on fate's front porch waiting for him to open the damn door.

Deacon didn't answer, and she knocked again.

_Oh hell with it_, she thought after a few minutes. She turned the doorknob, and it was unlocked, so Rayna pushed the door open and went inside.

**Sidenote: I know some people probably weren't happy that Pam showed up in this story (she's gone now, btw). I didn't really like her on the show either, but I felt like it was mostly because her character didn't get utilized like she could have. Her sole purpose here was for us to see jealousRayna, and for her to be a friend to Deacon. Thanks for all those that were open-minded about that! **

**I SWEAR she will tell him next chapter, I'm done torturing you ;) Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

Walking back into that house, the night he'd proposed was still as fresh and vivid in Rayna's heart as if it had just been yesterday he left her standing in her kitchen and she'd followed him. So much had happened in just a few short months. And now, everything would change again.

"_Take me with you." _

"_Thought you wanted me to go?" _

"_I don't know what I want. But tonight I just want to be somewhere with you." _

The memories washed over her, leaving a warm fuzzy feeling of nervousness in her stomach as she remembered what it had felt like being here with him, the way it had felt to be in his arms again.

Tonight, she knew exactly what she wanted. Those arms around her, that smile, that laughter…

Waking up to it every morning, drifting off to it every night….for the rest of her life. There was no going back now, no more being too scared to take chances.

She could only pray to god that it wasn't too late.

Rayna could barely make out the shadow of him sitting alone in the dark on the well-worn leather sofa. He was slumped over with his head in his hand, the only light being that which spilled over from the kitchen doorway.

She realized watching how defeated he looked, how much of a toll all this had really taken on him. And her too, she could finally admit. She was so bone-tired of trying to fight her feelings for him. Tired of being scared. Maybe he was too, she thought. Maybe that's what had brought him to her house after Luke's proposal in the first place. They were both so weary of fighting it. They'd been fighting it for years, even when she was married to Teddy, trying to constantly redefine those lines that could never be crossed.

_And now there's nothing,_ she thought. _Nothing standing in our way._ _We can have our life together, our girls, our baby…. _

The relief of just seeing that he was here, and home, and in one piece was enough to make her breathe easier, but Pam's words lingered in the back of her mind. _He_ _needs you. He's not okay._

She dropped onto the sofa next to Deacon cautiously, and reached over to flip the table lamp next to him on the lowest setting. A soft glow filled the room. "Deacon," she said softly. "Where have you been? I've been calling you for days. I was worried. Maddie was worried."

"Had some stuff to do," he replied, staring straight ahead at the blank tv screen.

"You can't run off and disappear every time things get too hard," she said, her voice shaking a little. "It might have been okay when it was just you, but things are different now."

Deacon turned his head just slightly to look at her. _Tell her_, Scarlett's voice in his head reminded him. _She needs to know._

That medical trial at the hospital in Minneapolis had been hell. Two weeks of being poked and prodded, and pumped full of meds, puking his guts out, and it would still be days before they even knew if it had worked and the tumor on his liver had started shrinking. The doctors were a hell of a lot more optimistic than he was. He'd looked up the odds, and he knew now exactly what he was up against, and it wasn't good. The consensus among the team of doctors seemed to be that if the trial was ineffective, his next step would be a liver transplant. It didn't help that Scarlett was walking around so damn optimistic it was driving him crazy, shoving vitamins and weird concoctions down his throat every chance she got .

He knew Scarlett was right, though. Rayna needed to know, if only for the sake of Maddie.

He'd wait until after she married Wheeler for that. That very thought had been on his mind all the way home from the airport. By this time tomorrow night she'd once again be someone else's wife. It was hard for it _not_ to be on his mind, that damn wedding was everywhere he turned, even 900 miles away from Nashville. He couldn't seem to run far enough to escape it.

But he knew Rayna, and he knew her good. As soon as she found out she was sick, she'd put her new life on hold and go on some hell-bent mission to take care of him.

And that was the last thing on earth he wanted. He'd be damned if he was going to let her do that. He loved her too much for that.

"What are you even doing here?" He said to her, more harshly than he intended. But he wanted her to get mad. Making her leave angry would be much easier. He'd always been good at that. It was a game they'd played too many times over the years. "Shouldn't you be….I don't know…doing whatever it is you do the night before a wedding?"

"I had to talk to you," Rayna said, swallowing hard around the lump growing in her throat, her expression pained. "I'm calling off the wedding."

Deacon's eyes shot to hers, stunned. "What?"

"You heard me. I'm not going to marry Luke," she repeated.

He said the last thing she expected.

"You can't do that."

Rayna watched him pace, suddenly feeling very unsure. And really, she didn't know what she'd been thinking, that he'd just grab her up in his arms and say that everything would be fine now, but t_hat _was the thing she'd least expected.

"Well… I am," she said, her bottom lip trembling.

"Why?" He stood up, pacing in front of her, running his hands through his hair. "This is what you wanted, Ray, remember? Clean slate and all that. You'll have a good life with him. And the girls, they need someone-."

The confusion, surprise on her face showed. Reality. "I don't want that with him," she said quietly. "I want it with you, Deacon. You were right, what you said. You and me and the girls…that's the way it's supposed to be. And I'm so…sorry," her voice hitched. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

He had such a terrible, distressed look on his face when he turned and met her eyes, that her heart stopped for a second.

"Hey," she said softly, reaching out for his hand, pulling him back down on the couch next to her. "What are you not telling me? Deacon, why are you trying to push me away?"

"I just…I need time to…let this all settle in," Deacon said, his words coming out raggedly. "I think maybe you should go, Ray. Just go home and you know, when you wake up tomorrow morning, you might feel differently. You should marry Luke."

Her eyes showed how much that hurt her. He'd fought for them for so long, and maybe she _was _too late. "Is that really how you feel?" She asked, feeling like the pain of that would swallow her alive. For the first time, she was starting to really understood what she'd put him through with Teddy all those years.

"Yeah," he insisted, but his eyes told a different story.

And hers told him she didn't believe a damn word of that.

"Is there someone else? Pam?"

He should tell her yes, he thought. And maybe she'd go.

"Of course not," he muttered, admitting defeat. "There'll never be anyone but you. You know that. Pam is a good friend, that's it."

Rayna breathed a tiny sigh of relief at that, and mustered up all the strength that she had.

"There's something else I came over here to tell you," she said haltingly. "And I thought you should be the one to know before anyone else. But before I do that, I need to start by saying that I love you, Deacon. I've loved you since the moment I ever laid eyes on you. And again…I'm sorry," she said, fighting back tears. "I realize now that I only said yes to Luke because I thought I was protecting myself, and I hurt both of us that way. All of us."

"You were scared," Deacon said in a low voice, edged in sadness and all the fight seemed to drain out of him. He'd never be able to fight this, and he knew it. He loved her too much. He could try to push her away all he wanted and it wouldn't do a damn bit of good. In the end him and Rayna would always be drawn back to each other.

"Yes," she admitted. "I was."

"Me too." He said, his eyes pained. His hand reached for hers, lacing their fingers together, and his other hand reached up to run across her neck and cup her face in his palm.

Rayna closed her eyes against the feel of his calloused thumb stroking her cheek. "Please," she whispered. "Don't shut me out. I miss you so much. I miss us."

He leaned over and caught her mouth under his, a long lingering aching kiss that made her yearn for it never to again.

"Me too," he murmured. "God, I missed you."

A few more lingering kisses, and somehow she ended up across his lap, her knees on both side of him on the sofa and her hands winding into the hair at the back of his neck, looking down at him, his earnest eyes and furrowed eyebrows gazing up at her.

It took him back to the first time he'd ever seen her, standing in an empty room in the back of the Bluebird when she was 16, arguing with Watty about needing a guitar player.

He had looked up from where he sat on an old metal chair tuning his guitar, and their eyes met across the room, and something changed inside him that he wouldn't even begin to understand until much, much later.

Those green eyes had had him from the second they challenged his.

_Don't screw this up, please. _

He thought of that now, shaking his head sorrowfully.

"I don't want to fail you again, Ray."

"You won't," she whispered. "You won't fail any of us."

But he would, and he knew he would, only in a different way. Just letting her sit there and think they might have a future was failing her. She had one. He just didn't know if he did.

With a shaky sigh, Rayna reached across his lap and into her purse laying near her jacket on the edge of the couch, and then pressed something into his hand.

"Any of us," she echoed.

Deacon looked down at the black and white scrap of paper in confusion, and then realized what it was. Juliette and Avery had those currently hanging all over their refrigerator. An ultrasound picture. _ What the hell? _he thought, and the implications of what she was trying to say hit home, the reason she'd been trying so damn hard to talk to him for two weeks, no matter how many times he didn't pick up.

His heart raced, because he wanted so bad to dare to hope, but it had been weeks since they'd been together, a few months even, and if she had come here to tell him she was having Luke Wheeler's child…he didn't really know if he could take a blow like that.

He dragged his eyes up to hers.

"It seems to me," she said slowly, softly, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears. "That the fates have other plans for us, Deacon."

Something took hold inside his chest, and he could hardly remember to breathe.

He could see it in her eyes. She wouldn't be here if she wasn't sure, but he needs to hear her say it out loud anyway.

"Rayna…are you sure? Are you really sure it…"

"Yes," she whispered. "I'm sure. We're having a baby, Deacon. Another one, I mean."

He wanted to touch her, to hold her, didn't know whether to laugh or cry. For a second, he forgot his end of the deal, the part where his body was going to hell and he might not even be around long enough to see the tiny person on that black and white picture cry for the first time.

For the first time in weeks he could forget all that. He just drew her in closer and she leaned against his chest with a soft sigh, her head falling into the crook of his shoulder so perfectly, like she's always been there.

After the initial shock wore off, he pulled her back a little, and took her face in his hands. He leaned his forehead against hers, swiping tears from her cheeks.

"Hey now, it's gonna be alright, Ray," he said softly. "We'll figure it out. You okay?"

"Yeah," Rayna closed her eyes. "I'm just a little …overwhelmed. And I've had awhile to let it sink it. I can't imagine what you're thinking right now," she says. "But are you…happy?"

He couldn't tell her what he was thinking. Because after the initial shock, the happiness that welled up in his heart was marred by the harsh reality that there's a good chance she'll be raising another child of his without him.

It's so damn unfair. That's what he's thinking. It's not what he says, though.

"Yeah," he said without hesitation. "I'm happy, Ray. This is….I can't even really find the words to say how happy I am. But how you feel about this?" he asked cautiously, hesitantly. Rayna was a planner. She had to be, with all that came with her business and her career, and the girls' lives. This definitely was not in the plan.

"Honestly?" she admitted. "It's not really what I would have ever planned. The logistics right now of it are awful. And the girls…well they're so much older now and…the idea of starting over is a little daunting….but I'm happy. I really am. Everyday more and more. Sometimes the best surprises are the ones you least expect, right?"

Deacon got real quiet for a minute, absorbing this, and then reached for her shaking hands, lacing them through his, holding them to his chest.

"You know I love you, Ray. But we don't have to…even…rush into anything with us," he said quietly. "I screwed up all your plans again. And I'm sorry."

Rayna's eyes are pained. "I'm here because I want to be, because I love you. And I didn't…tell Luke yet. Tomorrow morning I'm going to have to do that. And I imagine it isn't going to be pretty. But I wanted you to know first.

That means more to him than she'll ever understand.

It means she chose him first this time.

Deacon's eyes are earnest, studying her face, crinkling into a smile.

"What," she says with a little smile of her own. "What are you smiling like that for? Proud of yourself?"

"Damn straight," he said with a laugh. "But I was thinking….I knew there was something different about you. Even when I saw you in Chicago."

She sighed. "Deacon, don't you dare give me some bull line about pregnant women glowing."

"I won't," he said, leaning forward to steal another kiss. "But I'll think it. You're beautiful."

Her smile widens. "We're having a baby," she whispers.

"Yes we are."

Somehow they went from her across his lap to stretched out next to each other on the leather sofa, just like they used to do all those years ago, talking softly, the TV turned on and a music channel playing low in the background. Rayna marvels how easy it is to melt back into his arms, into each other's lives like it hasn't been two months that passed, or fifteen years, like it's always been this way.

They made plans. He heard that little bit of excitement creeping in her voice when she said that maybe it would be a boy this time, but she doesn't care. He doesn't either, he said. A healthy little one is good either way. They shared the worry over when and what to tell the girls, of saving it as a Christmas surprise in a few weeks, how fast June will come.

_June_, Deacon thought, counting in his head. _That's seven months from now_. Seven.

He wonders if he'll be here. It is a startling thought, this new reality, a paradox of happiness and fear all mixed up and fighting a raging battle inside him.

"I want to be there," he says, his arms tightening around her. "For everything. I swear. I just…I don't want to miss anything. Whatever happens with us, we're going to figure this out. Promise you'll let me be there?"

"Of course you will be," she said without a doubt. "This is your second chance, Babe. I know we can't make up for things with Maddie, but…this time you'll be here."

Deacon silently prayed that if there really was a god in heaven somewhere, the guy was listening right then. He was going to need every miracle, every prayer, every shred of faith he can find for this.

He ran a hand gently up and down her arm, settling it on her hip just above the edge of her jeans, then running across her middle.

"Sorry," he said awkwardly, and pulled his hand back quickly.

But Rayna catches it in hers, winding their fingers together, bringing it back. "It's okay," she says quietly with a little smile, bringing his hand back across her hip and under the faded blue flannel she wore that used to be his back in the day, his palm warm against the bare skin of her stomach.

She had a little bump there already, he realized, and his heart felt like it just got three sizes bigger. "There's really something in there, huh?"

"Yep," she said quietly. "We did that together. Just like when we made Maddie."

She drifts off to sleep in his arms, feeling safer, more content than she has in a long time, trying not to think about the fact that she still needs to get up tomorrow morning and cancel a wedding reception for 500 people. Right now nothing else matters except him and her girls and the tiny person growing between them.

###########################################

Rayna woke hours later, nearly dawn, asleep on the sofa with his hand still protectively curled around her middle and his chest against her back. She could feel his heart beating against her arm, and it was comforting, safe.

This felt like home.

Deacon wasn't sleeping. He was just staring up at the ceiling, his expression an odd mix of wonder and pain.

"Hey," she murmured, twisting around to face him.

He needed to tell her. He knew he did. But right then he just wanted to hold her and let it all sink in. She didn't know it, but everything that had happened that night had given him a very big reason to fight like hell.

"Hey," he whispered. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"I'm okay," she said drowsily, reaching up to run a hand through his rumpled hair, across the stubble on his chin, his distressed eyebrows. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Where were you? These last two weeks? I was so worried…."

"Don't be worrying about that," he said quietly. "Just some stuff I had to do."

She sighed. "I wish you just would tell me. Let's not go back to keeping things from each other again, okay?"

"Promise, sweetheart. Soon."

"You know, I love this old couch but I think your bed would be a lot more comfortable, don't you?"

He reached down, touching her face, stroking her cheek, her hair, leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah," he said, hesitantly. "It would. But…no pressure, you know?"

"Deacon, we already made a baby," she said with a sleepy laugh. "I think the pressure's off."

His eyes crinkled into a grin as he looked down at her. "We really did that, huh? I'm still havin trouble letting that get in my head."

"Yep." She sighed. "Again." She leaned her head back down against his chest. "You probably won't think it's so wonderful in 6 months when I'm crying all the time because I can't see my feet."

"I'll still think it's wonderful," he promised softly. He stood from the couch, scooped her in his arms and carried her down the hall. _And I'll be here for that. Come hell or high water. _

"Come on now, you don't have to do carry me," she protested, laughing.

"Yeah, I do," he said firmly as he gently deposited her on the bed, and then landed next to her with a thud a minute later. "It's my turn to take care of you now, sweetheart. You better get used to the idea."

Rayna smiled, already drifting back to sleep as he pulled the covers up around them.

This time, she thought, she would wake up firmly in his arms and that's where she'd stay.

"Love you," he murmured, his voice quiet next to her ear. "Til the day I die."


	9. Chapter 9

**Fair Warning:** T**his chapter is more explicit than I usually use in my fan fics…if that's not your thing, feel free to skip ahead to about the halfway point. Thanks for reading! **

Scarlett walked into the kitchen, and she didn't even know why she was surprised to see Rayna and Deacon practically having each other for breakfast on a chair by the table, Rayna wearing one of his old t-shirts and draped across his lap, kissing him like he was the last man on earth.

She cleared her throat, and they drew apart, and Rayna turned to look at Scarlett over her shoulder in surprise, a red flush moving up her neck.

"Good morning," Scarlett said cheerfully, heading to the cupboard to pull out a box of cereal, like this was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Um…good morning, Scarlett."

Deacon's eyes laughed up at Rayna over her embarrassment.

"And by the way, I think it's officially about time I get my own place," Scarlett added wryly.

With a smile, shaking her head, Rayna laid another quick kiss on Deacon's mouth and slid off his lap. "I'm gonna go use your shower. And then I have something I need to take care of."

His eyes met hers. She didn't have to say a word, because he knew what that "something" was.

She had to go out to Luke's ranch and call off the wedding.

Rayna excused herself, and padded barefoot down the hall.

Scarlett, reaching for the milk in the fridge, raised her eyebrows over the edge of the door and gave her uncle a Look.

"What?" he said defensively.

"Ain't she supposed to be getting married this afternoon?"

"She's not," he said calmly.

Scarlett paused in the middle of dumping cereal into her bowl. "Oh really. And I guess you had something to do with that."

"Not all of it."

She got quiet. "Either way. You look pretty damn happy today. So does she."

"That's because I am."

"So you didn't tell her."

"Not yet. I want to get the test results back first. I figure maybe it'll soften the blow a little if it's halfway good news," he admitted. "I'm gonna tell her soon. I just need to…figure out how."

"And what if it isn't good news?"

He glanced down the hallway. Rayna had disappeared and he could hear the shower running now. "I can't think about that. Things are…different now."

"And how's that? Besides the fact that you two are back to…well, whatever you are."

And then Scarlett caught sight of the black and white picture he'd temporarily stuck under a fridge magnet. She took it down warily and turned to him, stunned. "There something _else_ y'all wanna tell me?"

But the slow grin that lit up his face said enough.

"Really." Scarlett's face showed her disbelief.

"Yes. Really."

Her eyes blurred with tears.

Slowly she walked over and gave him the biggest, hardest hug she could. "It's good to see that smile on your face again."

"You know what Scar? It feels pretty good to have it there." At least for a little while.

##################################################

Rayna stood in the shower letting the hot water run over her, hoping it would wash away the tiny shreds of guilt that still plagued her. In a little while she'd be standing in front of Luke breaking his heart. There was no easy way to do it, and she knew it was going to be sad and painful, and not at all pretty or easy.

_The heart wants what the heart wants,_ she thought. And she was done denying hers. The fear she had harbored was gone, and in its place a sense of peace she hadn't felt in a very long time.

Being with him again was so good. It was sweet, and right and everything missing from her life. It was finally their chance to get their "life that's good" that they'd always dreamed of. They waited, and fought for it, and lost it so many times…

She'd be damned if she let anyone make her feel guilty about it, even Luke Wheeler.

Humming to herself, she heard the bathroom door open, and Deacon come in. She heard him opening drawers and moving things around.

He was probably standing at the sink shaving, she thought, smiling to herself because it just felt so _normal_. This was how it used to be, back in the beginning.

She wanted it always to be this way, from here on out.

Rayna ran the soft sponge over her arms and her middle, her hands lingering over the little bump there. _I wonder who he'll be_, she thought silently, curiously. Of course, they wouldn't know for a long time if it's a "he", but she had a feeling, and mamas always knew. Thankfully it wasn't quite noticeable to everyone else yet, but it would be in a few weeks, and when she was undressed it certainly was. It was still strange to be going through a pregnancy again after it had been so many years, but exciting all the same, and she couldn't wait for Deacon to share everything with her. And it seemed a lot different than it had been with the girls, when she'd been so sick for weeks and weeks at a time. So far, this one almost seemed too easy, minus the crying jags she couldn't seem to escape.

"I completely forgot Scarlett was still living here," she called to Deacon as she soaped her arms. "That was so embarrassing. You think she heard us last night? Or should I say this morning?"

"I'm sure she heard _one_ of us," Deacon said, and she could hear the amusement in his voice. "Some things never change."

Rayna stuck just her head out of the shower curtain and said indignantly, "Now, that's ridiculous. I am not…loud."

Deacon, standing there shirtless with a razor in his hand, gave her a look with raised eyebrows. He dropped the razor in the sink, then reached for a towel hanging nearby to dry his face off. "Do you wanna bet on that?"

"Since when are you a betting man?" her eyes beckoned, teasing.

"Since now."

He didn't hesitate to drop his sweatpants and boxers to the floor and step underneath the steamy water behind her. "Want me to wash your back?" Rayna laughed, and it was heaven to his ears to hear that sound again, that soft funny little laugh she did when she was really, really happy.

His smile melted her, the way his eyes crinkled up into that shameless grin. She handed him the soapy sponge and closed her eyes as he ran it over her, caressing her shoulders, her hips, her thighs, back up over her belly, covering her with suds that were quickly washed away by the relaxing spray of the water.

"That feels so good, Babe," she said with a soft sigh.

"Does it, now?"

The sponge fell away somewhere, and it was just his hands on her then, lightly skimming their way across every inch of her skin until she shivered, despite the hot water. She felt his fingertips trace their way over her stomach, her hips, teasing her nipples with the back of his knuckles. A soft moan escaped her lips before she could stop it, and she felt him smile against her cheek as he kissed her neck below her ear.

"Shhhh…quiet, remember?"

With the hot water streaming down on them, she turned in his arms. Deacon's eyes were dark and solemn as he gently smoothed the wet hair back from her eyes. The flame had always smoldered between them, but since the instant last night she had fallen back in his arms, she felt like their souls have been relit on fire. There was a restless energy that had been building for so long. That night three months ago had just been the catalyst to light it back up, and now that it was finally breaking free, the passion erupting between them was unstoppable. She couldn't seem to get enough of him.

"I need you," Rayna murmured as his mouth covered hers, and his hips pinned her against the tile wall. She arched against him anxiously, the hardest parts of him molding against the softest parts of her as his leg came up between hers.

"You got me."

He trailed a hand down between her thighs to slip his fingers inside of her, and she cried out softly.

He smiled against her mouth, satisfied, and then stroked her patiently but just barely, until she could hardly stand it anymore, and her hips were straining against his hand, though he refused to rush it. Another hoarse cry escaped her mouth, and she clamped her hand over her lips.

_Damn him_, Rayna thought silently when he gave her that little knowing smile. This was one bet she was going to lose, and he knew exactly how to make her lose it. _Two can play at that game._

She pushed his hands away and reached out to stroke the length of him hard and waiting against her hip, and that and the devilish smile playing on her lips was almost his undoing as he sucked in a harsh breath of his own.

"Not yet," he said, catching her by the wrist. "You first."

His lips trailed a path of kisses down her neck, her breasts, taking one nipple in his teeth, teasing, sucking with infinite patience until she was sure she just couldn't take it anymore, continuing its path as the hot water beat down on them, licking a circle around her belly button, pressing a sweet kiss to the little bump growing there, continuing.

Her breath whooshed out in a loud sigh as his hands eased her legs wider, and his tongue continued its persistent journey, gently tasting its way across her thighs until he had kissed the very core of her being a woman, and her whole body was shaking under his touch and the need to feel him fill her.

"Please," she whispered, her fingers winding into his thick dark hair. "Please…don't stop."

He parted her, and his tongue flicked against her once, twice, teasing, causing her to cry out louder than before.

"Don't tease," she murmured. "I can't take that. I just want you inside me."

His mouth found its way back up to hers, but his thumb continued its slow torturous circles and she cried out again. He didn't stop this time, until her arms were around his neck, her fingernails biting his shoulders as she pressed her thighs as wide as she could against the sides of the shower tiles, violently shaking with the need for fulfillment, to fall over that edge and be carried away.

He caught her mouth up under his once more and slid inside her at the same time, pinning her against the tile wall, lifting her, holding her, pushing up into her over and over again until they both came at the same time with a ferociousness she could never remember before. She cried out gutterally and he covered his mouth with hers to silence her as they rode over the edge of that mind-bending wave together.

Deacon leaned his head against her shoulder, still holding her up, until both of their breathing slowed to a normal pace again. "Holy hell," he murmured next to her ear.

"I'd say so," Rayna managed.

Eventually the hot water stopped being so hot, and he reluctantly lowered her feet to the bottom of the tub. Her eyes were still a little glazed over, and every bone in her body felt liquified.

"I think you lost the bet, darlin." He said with a soft laugh as he turned off the water and grabbed a big towel from the bar on the wall. She stood there, and he wrapped her in it, taking such infinite tender care of her that her heart swelled. _He's mine. He's all mine,_ she secretly marveled, still 100 percent turned on.

"Oh _god, _Scarlett's probably still out in the kitchen!"

"Nah, she left."

Rayna cocked her hands on her towel-covered hips. "What? Why didn't you just say that earlier?"

"Just provin' a point. Now that is what you call a hot shower," he teased, and she swatted at his arm playfully as she opened the bathroom door and headed for his room.

"Come on now," she said. "I need to get dressed, and you are definitely a distraction. Might as well get this over with."

#######################################################

**2 hours later**

Luke was standing in front of her with such fury in his eyes over the words she'd just spoken that Rayna was suddenly relieved Deacon was still sitting in the truck behind her and she wasn't alone.

He had insisted on driving out to the ranch with her.

_"I'm coming with you," Deacon said as she walked down the front steps of his house and to her truck. _

_ "Babe, that's not a good idea," she said vehemently. "He's going to be angry and hurt…and I don't need to damage his pride any worse than I already am." _

_ "Rayna, you have no idea how he's going to react. You really think it's a good idea to go out there yourself? I don't." _

_ Rayna held her tongue at almost mentioning that she had a pretty good idea of how to deal with a man with a temper, but she didn't. He had a point. She had no idea how Luke was going to take everything, and after his temper had come through loud and clear that night he'd been drinking at the CMAs, it might not be a good idea to go without reinforcements. _

_ Deacon gave her a pointed look, and held out his hand. _

_ With a sigh, she dropped the keys into his palm and climbed into the passenger seat. _

"You're pregnant," Luke echoed her words, his voice laced with anger. "And it's not mine."

The way he said it, with such disgust, she winced.

"Well isn't that a nice surprise."

She swallowed hard, and forced herself to meet his gaze. "No. It's not yours."

"Thank god for that. And you know that for sure?"

"Yes," she said, her voice a little stronger. "I know that for sure."

"So why the hell are you even bothering to tell me this, Rayna?"

"Because," she said hesitantly, "I know word will get out soon, and I just didn't want you to…wonder when you found out." She had honestly debated whether or not to tell him that part. Calling off the wedding just hours before the ceremony was bad enough. Finding out the woman you were planning on spending the rest of your life with was having a child with someone else was another hard nail in that coffin.

Deacon had argued "no" to it the entire drive out there. Her strongest validation was that it meant she was avoiding another confrontation in a few weeks of Luke showing up on her doorstep demanding answers, because she knew he would. "I don't know, Luke, I guess I was just trying to soften the blow a little. Believe it or not, this isn't all exactly easy on me either."

She could see it flash across Luke's face as all the whens and whysdawned on him. "I was on tour for two months, that's how you know it's not mine, right? When exactly was it that you were screwing Deacon behind my back? Before or after I put that half a million dollar rock on your finger? Was it in Chicago? You just making your rounds from one of us to the other?"

Rayna winced. His reaction was expected, and she understood the anger. But she didn't think she deserved a verbal assault either. "We don't need to go into the details."

"Oh yes we do," he demanded. "Why not, Rayna? Why the hell not? You tell me. I deserve to know. How long has this been going on?"

She lifted her chin. "Fine. You want honesty? He came to the house after the show the night you proposed, and…things happened. But you know what? It's not just Deacon, Luke. It's us. Somewhere along the line you and I stopped working, and I think neither of us wanted to admit it. Your life…isn't what I want for _my_ life, or for my girls. It's not me. I lose too much of myself when I'm with you."

A string of expletives half a mile long came out of Luke's mouth, and she watched as he knocked over a couple more chairs.

"You know, I should have known," he said with quiet fury. "From the first day you came out here. Every bone in my body told me to run. It's always been about him for you, since the beginning. You wasted all those years on him when he was a drunk who couldn't keep his shit together. You gonna waste a few more now? You gonna bring another kid into that mess?"

"Deacon is not the same person as he was, and you know it," Rayna said softly. "and I pray some day you will forgive me for all of this, that you will….understand. I didn't mean to hurt you Luke, but I'm not going to fight it anymore either. Deacon and I…it's always been there. You know that. It's not fair to let you think it isn't." Tears burned the corners of her eyes. She held out her slightly shaky hand, with the engagement ring he'd given her in her palm.

Luke shot her a smirk. "Keep the damn thing. It's worthless to me now." Another string of four letter words flew out of his mouth. "And by the way, you'll be hearing from my lawyers about all this," he swung his arms out, gesturing to the set-up going on around him. "Cuz I sure as hell ain't paying for it. You sure are one sorry excuse of a pathetic-."

"That's enough," she heard the quiet voice behind her.

She closed her eyes. _Dammit, Deacon,_ she thought silently.

"Oh, I cannot believe this. You really brought him here," Luke gave a harsh laugh. "Just to see the show or what? To rub it in a little more?"

"Ray, get in the truck," Deacon said firmly, calmly pushing her behind him.

"Hey now, I don't want the two of you getting into it-," she protested.

Deacon eyes silenced her, promising he wouldn't. "Just got a few things Luke and I gotta say to each other."

"Oh yeah," Luke said, his voice low. "I got a couple things to say to _you_, Deacon."

Rayna reluctantly turned and walked back to the truck, and she sat tensely in the passenger seat watching through the windshield, hoping to god they weren't going to have a repeat of the CMA fight on his front lawn. There were people everywhere, set up workers for the wedding, stopping to gawk at the scene developing. And a hell of a lot of them were pulling out their camera-equipped cell phones.

"You know, none of this was easy for her," Deacon said tersely. "You wanna blame someone, go ahead, lay it on me, but let her be, and let this go."

He turned to leave.

"It's always about you, isn't it?" Luke said from behind him. "Since the moment you two ever met."

Deacon turned back for a brief minute. "Don't you get it yet?" he said quietly. "It's not about me, or you, or who wins or loses. It's about her. Keeping that smile on her face. Hearing that laugh. Wouldn't you do anything for that, to see her happy? Wouldn't you let her go, if it meant she was happy?"

Luke didn't say anything else, just stood there with that ring in his hand and watched as Deacon got back into her SUV and they drove away. This wasn't over, by a long shot. Rayna Jaymes sure as hell wasn't going to make a fool out of him and get away with it.

His recollection of the CMAs was a little fuzzy, but _again,_ he corrected. _She ain't going to make a fool of me again. _

Some part of him was hard-pressed to admit he should have known. Even before the proposal things had been going south with 'd been an idiot enough to think a ring on her finger might fix things, but what it really was…was too much, too fast. That part he could accept.

Losing her to Deacon Claybourne again…that part was going to take awhile.

"What the hell was that?" His manager Jimmy appeared out of nowhere. "And what happened to all these chairs?"

"That," he said, the bitterness rising to the back of his throat. "Was the biggest mistake I ever made. Get those People magazine reps on the phone. If this is gonna come out, we're doing it Wheeler-style. And then get rid of all this wedding shit and set up a fan concert for later tonight. Might as well make use of all this stuff."

"You sure you wanna do that?"

"Jimmy, all I know right now is I got 18 kegs of beer, a broken heart, and enough cake to feed 500 people. You got a better suggestion?"

Jimmy shrugged. "Alright, I'm on it boss."

"Good. Let's have us a party."

##################################

Rayna was real quiet sitting in the passenger seat not saying much as they drove away from Luke's ranch.

Deacon reached for her hand and she squeezed it hard.

"What you thinkin?" He asked softly.

"Just glad it's over," she sighed. "And I can work on getting our lives back in order. Everything's been so crazy the last couple months, I just want to get through Christmas, and then slow it all way down, take some time for us to figure out how to be a family, right?"

She glanced over at him as he drove. He looked far away for a second, his eyes distressed. Worried. She could tell when he worried. "Hey, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking it away and forcing a smile. "I was just thinking about what you said about time…it gets away from you, that's all. Look at how much time we lost."

"Well we can't get that back," she said. "But we have all the time in the world to figure things out now, right? We don't have to rush anything. It's better this way anyway. With the girls and all… this is all going to upheave their lives again too. Although, you know they're going to be thrilled that we're back together. Maddie is just going to be over the moon."

He smiled briefly and brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it, never taking his eyes from the road, avoiding her eyes. "You know," he cleared his throat. "Time is the one thing we're never guaranteed, Ray. You never know how much you're gonna get."

Puzzled, she watched him warily. "I know that, Babe. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to remember that. Hey….are you really alright?"

"Yeah," he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "Let's just get home, okay? Your place?"

"Yep," she said, then made a face. "Tandy and the girls will be waiting there. I called Bucky earlier and told him. He's on press control. Tandy….had some choice words, of course. She said the girls weren't the least bit disappointed to find out it was off, but they're asking a lot of questions. "

"Good," he said, relieved. "That's good they're there. I miss 'em. Questions and all."

She laughed softly. "Sometimes I think you have no idea what you're in for with us."

"I guess I'll find out, huh. We'll figure it out together."

He couldn't shake the thought from his mind, though, that all it was going to take was one phone call, and they could be on the verge of this carefully building new life falling apart all over again.

_I'm sorry,_ he thought, glancing over at her. She was leaning with her head against the window, and there was a happy little smile of contentment on her face. He knew he needed to tell her, but to take that smile off her face…right now the thought of that was unbearable. _Ray, I'm so goddamn sorry._

Time was definitely a luxury they did not have.

###################################################

**5 days later….**

"Mom?" Maddie sat at the kitchen counter eating her cereal. She stared at the cell phone in her hand. "Um….you might want to see what they're saying about you and Dad now?"

"What is it?" Daphne leaned over eagerly to look, and Maddie held the phone above her head.

Rayna took the phone from Maddie's hand, and her heart sunk as she read the screen. _Well, so much for wanting to save it_ _as a Christmas surprise_, she thought, disappointed, and a little bit angry.

She knew she'd been taking a risk by telling Luke about the baby, but honestly hadn't thought he would stoop that low.

Funny how a person's true colors came out

"So, I see Mr. Wheeler's been talking to the press," she murmured under her breath. It had been five days since she called off the wedding. The photographers had been relentless, following her and the girls around, even parking in front of Deacon's house a few times. They wanted the story behind her and Luke's defunct wedding, and were determined to get it. Apparently Luke had decided to give it to them. There was a nice big headline that read _JaymesBourne love child number #2? _And several quotes from Luke on the abrupt end of their relationship and the little "surprise" she'd dropped on him.

Maddie rolled her eyes. "They're so dumb. Why can't they just leave us alone?"

Rayna bit her lip, scrolling through the article. It was definitely mostly speculation, and mostly wrong, but the fact was….the pregnancy rumor was out there now. She had no doubt Bucky would be calling within the hour to ask if she wanted to confirm or deny it. She closed out the screen and handed the phone back to Maddie. "Girls, I think we need to talk. I know a lot has happened in the last few weeks and it's kind of hard to understand it all…"

"We understand it fine, Mom," Maddie said logically, a big grin on her face. "You called off the wedding because you love Dad. That's fine with us."

"You know," Daphne added. "Like you loooooove him."

"Well that wasn't the only reason, but yes, Deacon and I are working on being back together now. It's just taking some time to figure everything out."

"Mom," Maddie said with a knowing smile. "We know. We saw you kissing in the hallway last night before he left."

Rayna's felt her face flush a little. "Well, you know…"

The girls both exploded into fits of giggles, and Rayna couldn't hold back a smile.

"We can't keep anything from you, can we?" she said, shaking her head. "But there's something we've been wanting to tell you, and considering the circumstances of this article, I think now might be better than later."

The girls both looked at her and waited expectantly.

"There's going to be a…. new person joining our family."

Maddie stopped laughing and her face paled. "Mom, no. Please say it's a pony. Or a dog."

Daphne immediately started jumping up and down. "We're getting a puppy!?"

"No!" Rayna said quickly, exasperatedly, holding up her hands. "Sorry to disappoint y'all but we are not getting a pony or a dog. For heaven's sake, can we slow this conversation down for a second?"

"It means she's having a _baby_," Maddie informed her sister, looking completely grossed out.

Daphne's blue eyes were like dinner plates. "Really? Like a brother or sister?"

"Yes," Rayna said with a hesitant smile. "How do you feel about that?"

"It's disgusting," Maddie said without hesitation. "Seriously, Mom, aren't you a little ol-."

"Madeline Jade, I suggest you stop your words right there."

Daphne still looked confused as ever. "I don't get it. If you aren't marrying Luke, is he still going to be its dad?"

"No," she said. "Because Luke isn't going to be….its dad. Um…Deacon is."

Daphne looking stumped. "But-."

Maddie poked her in the side. "Quit asking so many questions. You might not like the answer you get."

Rayna raised her eyes and met her daughter's gaze. Maddie was fifteen. She knew exactly where babies came from, and how Deacon had gotten to be the daddy, which would explain the thoroughly disgusted look on her face. It was actually rather comical. She only hoped after Maddie got used to the idea, she'd be okay with it.

"I have to go," Maddie said, rising from her seat and gathering her books. "Congratulations, Mom. Really. But I still think it's gross. And embarrassing. God, what are my friends going to think?"

"Well I think it's great," Daphne said, following suit and gathering her things. She kissed her mom on the cheek. "I can't wait to tell everyone."

_Well there goes that secret_, Rayna thought wryly, watching them head out the door.

She picked up her phone to start making calls. The world was about to find out in a very big way. Luke Wheeler might have thought he was the King of Country, but she was still the damn queen, and she'd make sure he didn't forget it.

###############################################

Deacon waited patiently outside Maddie's school for her to come out, but she didn't say much when she walked down the sidewalk, bid the group of friends she was with goodbye, and got in his truck.

"Hey there, how was school?"

"Fine," she murmured, immediately reaching for her earphones in her backpack. She didn't put them on right away thought, just sat there. Thinking.

He'd been surprised and a little disappointed this morning when Rayna had told him on the phone that she had told the girls about the baby without him, but it was understandable when he saw the jackass statement Luke Wheeler had given to the press. That had only come out hours ago, and it was already all over the newsreels. Seemed Luke was trying to bring her down by doing his damnest to make himself come out of it all smelling like roses.

It sure as hell wasn't going to work if he could help it.

And Rayna was already one step ahead of Luke anyway. Deacon wasn't much too happy about her idea to have their long awaited "reunion" made into part of a primetime special about famous country music couples, but it sure as hell couldn't hurt more than the smear campaign against her Luke seemed to be on.

He'd have done just about anything right now to keep that smile on her face.

"Just fine, huh?" Deacon surmised as he pulled away from the curb. "You wanna talk about it?"

Maddie heaved a sigh. "Well… you know Mom told us this morning about the um… baby stuff."

"Yep," he said, nodding his head. "She told me she did. We were gonna wait until Christmas next week, but I guess now is as good a time as any. How do you feel about all that?" he asked carefully.

Rayna had also been very specific about Maddie's not so happy reaction. _She thinks I'm old! When the hell did that happen? I used to be the cool famous mom, and now I'm the old pregnant one. I hate that word, Deacon. I hate it! _That had cued a round of tears, and he could hear her sniffling on the other end of phone. There were a lot of tears lately. Avery had warned him all about that little pregnancy side effect. He wondered how long it was supposed to last.

Maddie shrugged. "It's kinda weird. And gross."

Of course it was, Deacon hid a smile. "You'll get used to the idea, I hope."

"Are you happy?" Maddie asked him cautiously.

"Yeah," he said without hesitation. "I am. Actually, I'm pretty excited."

"Because you didn't get to be there when I was born, right?" She stared out the window as he drove, looking a little bit lost. "It gets to be yours from the beginning."

"That's bothering you the most, isn't it?"

"A little," she admitted.

"Listen here," he said firmly. "You were always mine, Maddie. Even if I didn't know it, even if I wasn't always there. You were the one who made me a dad first. Got that?"

Her mouth turned up into a smile. "Got it."

"Good. Now let's get home. If I know Daphne, she's probably already told the whole world. And your mom wants to have a special dinner tonight, maybe celebrate a little."

Maddie's grinned widened. "Maybe it won't be so bad having a baby brother or sister," she said reluctantly. "And all of us together, it'll be like we're really a family then, right? Maybe you and Mom will get married some day…." She couldn't hide the hope in her voice.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat. "Some day."

Maddie sat back, satisfied, smiling, and reached out to turn on the radio.

An old Garth Brooks song filled the cab and it took all he had to not lose it as he listened to his daughter hum along softly with the words, and Rayna's face came into his mind.

_If tomorrow never comes _

_ Will she know how much I loved her _

_ Did I try in every way _

_ To show her every day _

_ That she's my only one. _

_ And if my time on earth were through _

_ And she must face this world without me _

_ Is the love I gave her in the past _

_ Gonna be enough to last _

_ If tomorrow never comes….. _

And he realized, he couldn't wait any longer. She had to know.

_##############################_

"Hey," Rayna greeted him with a kiss when he and Maddie walked into the kitchen a little while later.

Maddie immediately headed up to her room, and when Deacon turned around, Rayna's heart dropped a little. His eyes were near tears, and his expression was one of pure pain.

"Deacon, what on earth is wrong?"

"Can we take a drive for a little while? Just us, not the girls." He said quietly, taking both of her hands in his.

"Of course," she murmured. "Let me just tell Maddie we're leaving, but babe please…what's wrong?"

"There's something I gotta tell you."


	10. Chapter 10

**My apologies for so long since the last update, sometimes life goes so fast that time gets away from you…thanks for waiting!**

"Deacon, we've been driving around for twenty minutes," Rayna said from her place in the passenger seat of his truck. She glanced over at him as he drove with a brooding expression on his face. "And you haven't said a word. We planning on going somewhere or just driving in circles?"

"Sorry," Deacon said, reaching up to rub a hand across his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just….I guess, I'm trying to think of a good place to do this, and there isn't one."

"You're starting to scare me," Rayna demanded. "Just pull over."

"Rayna…."

"I mean it."

With a heavy sigh, Deacon turned into the closest parking lot, which coincidentally happened to be that of the Bluebird Cafe. The lot was empty. It wouldn't open for the night's show for a few hours yet.

_Of all the places,_ he thought, staring at the well-worn sign. _We end up right back where we started._

And it really _was_ where they'd started. Everything they'd been through, and everything that had brought them to where they were now….it had all started here. Just a little hole in the wall place, but it had changed both of their lives in ways he never could have imagined.

"I haven't been here since the last night you played here in September," she admitted, seeming to read his thoughts. "It's just been too hard."

Deacon nodded, cleared his throat. "Do you remember…the first time we met here?"

A smile slid across Rayna's face. "Of course, I could never forget that. I was arguing Watty to the end about not needing a guitar player…guess you proved me wrong on that one."

"Good thing you changed your mind," he gave her a half-hearted smile. "Hard to believe that was 26 years ago, huh? Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday."

"What I remember the most about that night," she said softly. "Is that I was scared to death to go on that stage. I wasn't scared of very many things, but that night I was. I was afraid my father would be right, and I'd fail."

"But you didn't," he said, reaching out to run his thumb across her cheek. "You should be damn proud of yourself, Ray. Everything you have you got on your own."

"Only because you were onstage next to me," she reminded. "You pushed me to keep fighting for what I wanted. You always did." `

Rayna remembered it so vividly…being sixteen years old standing on that stage scared to death she was going to blow the biggest chance she'd ever been given. But as soon as she had started singing, she'd forgotten about the bigwigs in the front row, and the fact that she literally had nowhere to call home once the show was over. She'd forgotten everything but Deacon's blue eyes locked with hers.

She'd fallen in love with Deacon Claybourne the minute she laid eyes on him. That was a fact.

Those eyes locked with hers now. Distressed, worried.

"Babe, please," she said softly, putting a hand on his arm. "What on earth is going on with you? Whatever it is…we can face it together."

"Awhile ago," Deacon said in a low voice, "When I was in Memphis, something…happened."

Rayna's face showed her confusion. "Happened?"

"I got sick," he admitted. "And they put me in the hospital for a few days."

Her mind went back to the day she'd confronted Pam in front of his house, and a sick feeling of started to creep over her. _He needs you_… "Um….okay." Her throat suddenly felt dry as sandpaper. "But you're okay, right? What was wrong?"

His eyes were so broken, held so much regret that they clearly said _I'm not okay. _And she knew without him even saying the words that something was indeed very, very wrong.

"I got cancer, Ray."

The world spun dizzily around her, like someone had pulled a rug out from under her feet and knocked her flat on her back. She heard him, but the words refused to be absorbed.

"Cancer."

"Yeah."

Rayna had to force herself to speak. "How bad is it?"

"There's a tumor on my liver," Deacon said quietly, staring forward, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white. "About 4 cm."

She tried to make herself comprehend the words. His liver. _Of course it's on his goddamn liver,_ she thought in silent misery. He'd spent the last 15 years fighting like hell to get past the sins of the past, and they were still haunting him. The word "unfair" wasn't nearly enough to describe it.

"That two weeks…when I didn't know where you were…." She said haltingly.

"They sent me to a hospital in Minnesota," he admitted. "Scarlett went with me. There's a new medicine…it's kinda hard to explain, but if it works, it'll mean that it shrunk enough and they'll do a surgery to have it removed."

"If it didn't work?" she dared to ask.

"I'll need a liver transplant. That'll be my…last option. It's not something that can be fixed with chemo or radiation or any of that…normal stuff."

Rayna's eyes widening in disbelief, but she didn't cry or scream or get angry. She didn't do any of those things. She just sat there, swallowing over and over again trying to get past the lump forming in her throat, and staring out the passenger side window.

Deacon wasn't sure how he'd expect her to react, but this wasn't it. Or it maybe it was. All in all, it was typical Rayna. The queen of pretending to hold her shit together in the absolute worst situations.

"What's the timeline on all this?" She asked, way too calmly.

"Six months," he said quietly. "They should be calling any day now with those test results."

She nodded. "Alright then. We'll…wait for that phone call and go from there."

His brow furrowed in worry. "That's all you're going to say? Rayna….please. Get mad or yell at me or something. It's my fault. I know it's my fault. All those years of drinkin'…"

Rayna just kept staring straight ahead. "Can you just drive, please," she murmured. "I just want to go home to the girls."

He watched her for a couple more minutes worriedly.

She just sat there, her face expressionless, her entire body stiff.

With a sigh, he threw the truck into drive and gunned it towards home. Halfway over he looked over, and didn't miss the single tear that rolled down her cheek. She quickly reached up to swipe it away before it was noticed, and he realized her hands in her lap were shaking.

She was trying not to lose it. And he knew why. The girls were at home waiting to celebrate. This was supposed to be a great day, telling them about the baby and all.

The guilt that came with that was overwhelming.

When he finally parked in the driveway at her house and they both got out, she walked quickly ahead of him, but he gently pulled her to a stop before she opened the front door.

"Hey," he said quietly, drawing her in for a hug. Her whole body was visibly trembling. "We'll talk more later. After the girls are asleep, okay?"

Rayna buried his face in his shoulder, and shuddered once more before forcing her breathing to return to normal.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Love you too."

He opened the front door and in hand, they walked into the house. Back to where the girls were waiting. She pasted that stage smile on her face, and he tried like hell to follow suit and act like nothing was wrong.

All through the dinner that the girls had proudly cooked themselves, he could see her at first trying to keep everything as normal as possible, listening to them chatter on and on about Christmas next week, and their plans for the break from school.

Daphne was as beyond thrilled about the baby news as she'd been that morning, and Maddie looked like she was coming around to the idea. He knew Rayna had given Bucky the ok to release the official statement this afternoon, and it was all over the newsreels now. The country music world was abuzzin'. Course it would be, he realized. Even those years that she'd been married to Teddy, the speculation over the nature of their "relationship" had never really stopped. They'd always been the non-couple everyone loved to love.

"How's that all gonna work, Mom?" Maddie was asking. "If you go on tour again?"

"Hmmm?" Rayna blinked, looked up like she hadn't even realized any of them were talking.

"If you go on tour," Maddie repeated. "Are you going to take the baby with you? I guess you'll have to right, if Deacon goes with you?"

Deacon glanced at Rayna, and she looked so temporarily lost. That façade was fading fast. "Well that wouldn't be for a long time again, I'm guessing. But your mom took you everywhere when you were a baby," he said. "I'm sure we'll figure it out."

"And what about you?" Maddie persisted. "Are you going to live here with us? Scarlett can just live in your house, can't she?"

He shot a glance at Rayna. They hadn't even talked about any of that yet. Everything had happened so fast in the last few weeks, it had been like one thing after another, running over the two of them like a freight train. And slowing it all down wasn't even an option.

"We'll figure that all out, Maddie." Rayna stumbled over her words, trying to sound optimistic. "We have….time."

Her eyes met Deacon's across the table. Time was absolutely the one luxury she now didn't know if they had.

And she'd wasted so much of it. Being scared, being unsure, trying to deny her feelings…

Rayna felt the familiar burn of tears at the back of her eyes, and she forced them away with every bit of strength she had, until her eyelids ached and her head throbbed.

The cell phone in Deacon's front pocket rang, and he reached for it. Normally he would have hit the ignore button during dinner time, but the number of his doctor's office was undeniable. He glanced at Rayna.

Her eyes widened.

Quickly he got up from the table and went in the office off the kitchen to take the call.

Rayna couldn't breathe. She sat there, trying to act normal in front of the girls, and all she could concentrate on was breathing in and breathing out, and keeping her eyes focused on the water glass in front of her.

It was just a few minutes. Just a few minutes that he was gone, and the girls chattered on, oblivious to the fact that anything was wrong.

Deacon came back then, phone call over, and she dared to even look at him.

Before he took his place back at the table, he leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

Then she watched, melting a little as he did the same thing to Maddie and Daphne.

Daphne giggled. "What was that for?"

"Just cuz I love all of you," he said with a big grin. "That okay?"

Maddie's smile was just as huge. Because of course, Rayna thought, her heart aching, she'd got what she'd wanted since the day she found out Deacon was her dad; the four of them as a family. A new baby brother or sister would seal that deal, and Maddie knew it.

As Deacon's eyes met hers across the table, Rayna felt her breath slide out in one long sigh she didn't realize she'd been holding. She knew then that whatever they'd done to him in Minnesota, it had worked. The phone call wasn't bad news. It was a little piece of hope, something to hold onto.

She forced a bright smile for the girls. "Excuse me for a minute?"

And she made a quick escape.

They watched her go, puzzled.

"Is she alright?" Maddie asked worriedly.

"She's fine," Deacon said, watching Rayna as she quickly headed for the stairs. "Probably just tired. Your mom's got a lot going on, you know? With her label and the baby and all…just a lot of things all happening at once. It's a little overwhelming, maybe."

Maddie didn't look convinced.

"Does being pregnant make you act weird?" Daphne asked scrunching up her eyebrows. "She cries all the time now. I didn't even know mom knew _how _to cry."

"Uh well…" Deacon searched for something to say. "You know, I'm not really sure. This is all…new for me too. Guess we'll figure it out together."

"Well, we can help," Daphne said enthusiastically. "We're good at cooking dinner! We could do that more."

He grinned. "That you are, kid. Best spaghetti I ever had."

Maddie smirked. "It beats spaghetti out of a can, I bet."

"Hey now, don't go making fun of all my bad habits," he protested with a laugh.

Maddie just shook her head and smiled.

He helped the girls clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher, did his best supervising their homework, ran through a couple things on guitars Maddie wanted help with, and kept watching the stairs.

Rayna still hadn't returned by the time the girls went up to bed.

Deacon knocked softly on the bedroom door, but there was no answer, so he opened it slowly.

She was curled up in a ball on top of the covers. Not asleep. Still in the robe she'd put on after taking a bath earlier. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were tear-stained.

Without hesitation he crawled across the bed next to her, and pulled her against him, and she broke then, sobbing softly into the front of his flannel shirt, her nails digging into the back of his neck as she clung to him holding on for dear life.

"I'm sorry," he said, burying his face in her hair. "Rayna, I'm so sorry."

It hung in his mind like poison, feeding his doubts, as he thought about all those times she'd stood in the doorway of hotel rooms and hospital rooms. _How many times is this going to happen, Deacon? Am I supposed to stick around and watch your drinking kill you? _

He wondered how the hell he could possibly do this to her all over again.

"It's not fair," she whispered brokenly. "This isn't _fair_, Deacon. We paid for all our sins already, it's supposed to be perfect now. We're having a _baby_. And the girls…what if none of it works? What are we supposed to tell them?"

"I know," he said quietly. "It's not. It's not fair, sweetheart. Any of it. But they're my sins, not yours." He couldn't hide the tears that fell from his own eyes, and they cried together.

So close, and yet so far away from that "life that's good".

He'd wanted nothing else in his life more than that since the day that he met her, nothing more than the simple, sweet mundane everyday things other people seemed to take for granted.

Finally, Rayna pulled back a little, still sniffling, and his thumbs gently wiped the last of the tears from her cheeks. "Surgery, then? That's what they're going to do," she asked cautiously. "That's what the phone call was about?"

"That's the plan," he said soberly. "Since the trial worked. I guess that's a little bit of good news."

"When?"

He hesitated. "End of next week. December 26th."

The day after Christmas, she realized.

Her eyes darkened a little. "We're going to have to tell the girls."

"I know," he sighed. "I was hoping we could wait until after the holidays, but…."

"I was thinking about what Maddie said earlier," she said softly. "I want you to come stay with us."

He hesitated. "You mean like the kind of "come stay with you" that requires my toothbrush permanently in your bathroom."

"Yes," she said without hesitation.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Don't say that because you feel like you gotta take care of me, Ray. That is the last damn thing I want."

"I'm not," she said quietly. "I'm doing it because of the girls, and because of the baby, and…purely selfish reasons," her voice caught a little. "Like I want you here with me. And I want us to be a family, like we should have been a long time ago."

He sighed, smoothing the hair off her face, his hand a little shaky. "That's really what you want? Me moving in, I mean that's really…jumping in with both feet."

"Yes. That's what I want. I know we said we weren't going to rush anything, but…I need you here. I want you here. Everything is different now."

"I'll think about it," he conceded.

At the moment, he'd probably have moved to Siberia if she asked, just to keep those tears out of her eyes.

Rayna leaned forward and pressed a soul-searching kiss to his mouth, trying to pour all her hope into it. "We're going to beat this," she whispered. "You promise me that."

His eyes, sobering, gazed down on her.

"_Promise me_," she said in a harsh whisper. "You promise me that you're going to fight with all you have, Deacon, and you're not going to leave me again. Because I can't do this life without you anymore."

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'll fight like hell, Ray. I can promise you that."

"I'll take that," she said, her voice still a little shaky, her eyes weary. "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. Will you go with me?"

"I would love that. Thanks for asking me to be there."

"I told you. I want you there for everything."

She was exhausted, and he could tell.

"You should get some sleep," Deacon said, kissing her forehead, pulling the blankets back. "It's been a long day."

"I could never sleep," she murmured, but obliged when he gently pushed her back against the pillows. "There's so many things we need to talk about. So many questions..."

"Don't worry about that tonight," he said firmly. "Let me take care of you now, alright?"

She sighed, and closed her eyes. "Will you play? Remember how we used to fall asleep that way? Guitars and paper all over the bed, songs half written…"

He laughed softly. "Yeah, usually with a pizza underneath us."

Rayna opened her eyes and smiled up at him, and for a moment he could forget it all. The fears, the worries… As long as he had this to wake up to, and those girls down the hall, every day was worth it. The fight was worth it.

Deacon retrieved a guitar from the living room, and when he returned a few minutes later, she was still awake, her hair all spread out around her on the pillow and her hands under her cheek laying on her side, waiting for him to come back, her eyes vulnerable, but less worried than they had been earlier. It was powerful seeing her that way, and it hurt. She always prided herself on being so damn strong and invincible to everyone else… but it was different when it was just the two of them. It always had been. He was the only one who saw the other side of that wall. Maybe, he realized more lately, that was why she'd fought them so long.

And now they were fighting a completely different battle.

"This a new one?" she asked sleepily as he settled on the other side of her against the headboard and hit the first quiet chords.

"Yeah," he said softly, gazing down at her. "I wrote it a couple days ago."

She burrowed deeper into the pillow and her pile of blankets, and closed her eyes again as he started to play.

_Time has been just like a thief _

_ It's stolen too much from us _

_ and once it's gone we can't make it up _

_ So tonight let's get back in touch…. _

"I like it," she murmured. "It's us."

He leaned down and brushed his lips across her cheek. "Damn right it is." Then he started to play again.

_Life is a rainbow _

_ It's a spring snow _

_ It's the morning dew _

_ And I don't wanna waste another minute _

_ without you…. _

_So I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses _

_ And pour you a glass of wine _

_ And I'm gonna put on a little music _

_ And turn down the lights _

_ And I'm gonna wrap my arms around you _

_ And rock you all through the night _

_And I'm gonna love you _

_ Like it's the last day of my life…. _

Deacon barely got the last words out, it was just too much, but when he looked down at her, she was already asleep, long lashes closed against her cheeks. It took him back that way to the first years, how many nights she didn't know he'd watched her sleep, wondering how they'd ever gotten lucky enough to find a love that good. It was still that good, better than it had been back then, because it had been strong enough to survive everything that they'd thrown at it.

Now, he wondered if they'd be lucky enough to get to keep it.

###**The song I used was Phil Vassar "Last Day of my Life". Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

The girls couldn't hide their surprise when they came downstairs the next morning in their pajamas and Deacon was standing at the stove in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

Maddie glanced at her sister, and tried not to smile. Daphne too, hid a giggle behind her hand.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey," he turned around, spatula in his hand. "Mornin'. Last day of school before the break, huh?"

"Yes, thank goodness. How's Mom?" Maddie asked. She went to the fridge and pulled out a jug of orange juice, and then reached into a nearby cupboard for glasses.

"I'll get the silverware." Daphne volunteered, going to a drawer.

"Thanks. She's fine," he said, flipping eggs onto the two plates he'd set on the counter nearby. "Think she's just sleeping in a little before she goes to the office. I'll drive you girls in today."

"No complaints here," Maddie said with a smile as she sat down onto a stool next to her sister and Deacon slid the plates across the counter.

"Here either," Daphne chimed in. "Your eggs are way better than Mom's, and Maddie says so are your pancakes. I really think you should just live here."

Maddie elbowed her. "We're all together now, and that's what's important, right?" She glanced at her dad knowingly. "Mom says sometimes it takes awhile to figure it all out."

"Right," Deacon said, feeling the lump grow in his throat again as he watched the girls happily dive into their breakfasts, the two of them completely unaware that everything was about to get turned upside down again. Him and Rayna had gone back and forth about what and when to tell them, and decided it would have to be that night, with Christmas being in a few days and his surgery right after. They really couldn't wait any longer.

A little while later, as he was rushing them out the door with backpacks and school projects, Maddie turned back unexpectedly at the doorway, and gave him the biggest, hardest hug.

"Hey there, what's the matter?" He said softly, when he noticed the tears in her eyes.

"I'm just really glad you're here, Dad." She said, sniffling a little. "I want it to always be like this."

"Me too, sweetheart," Deacon said, wishing he could make the awful ache in his chest go away. "Me too."

#########################################

The first thing Rayna noticed when she opened her eyes was that the spot next to her was empty where Deacon had fallen asleep next to her. The first _thought _she had…was that it all had to have been a dream somehow. Just a bad dream. Deacon's words, him being sick…

_"More like a nightmare_," she murmured to herself, her heart throbbing painfully. She glanced over at the framed picture on the nightstand, the one of the four of them singing at the Ft. Campbell concert, and reached for it, tracing her finger lightly over each of the faces, lingering on Deacon's.

_He looks so happy_, she thought, feeling melancholy. _We all do. Why did I waste so much time?_

The last 24 hours were like a blur in her mind. There was no way this could be happening. They didn't _deserve_ this to be happening.

And more importantly, Deacon didn't deserve this. It hurt thinking of how far he'd come and how many battles she'd watched him fight over the years to become a better man….

Rayna replaced the picture with a soft sigh and winced when she glanced at the clock on the nightstand, noticing it was already an hour past when she should have been at the office. She'd been planning on going in to get some paperwork done for a few hours before her doctor's appointment, but that wasn't going to happen now.

As if on cue, her cell phone rang, and she reached for it, noticing Bucky's number.

"Hey, Buck," she said tiredly. "I'm a little behind schedule for today, and I have an appointment at noon. Are y'all good for a few hours without me?"

"No problem. There's not much going on today, so take your time."

"Thanks, I will."

Reluctantly she climbed out from under the warm blankets, and wandered through the house and down to the kitchen. It was quiet, almost too quiet. The girls already off to school, and Deacon was nowhere in sight either.

In the kitchen next to her coffeemaker she found a sticky note on the front of the coffee maker. _Call me when you're up._ Stuck to it were two guitar picks made into a heart.

Despite the overwhelming feeling of worry that she couldn't shake, she smiled.

_We'll be okay_, she thought, her hand automatically drifted to her midsection, where that sweet little curve was growing a tiny bit more every day. _Just another_ _bump in the road. We'll be a family now, like we always should have been. _

"You look like you're thinkin about something real good."

Deacon's voice brought her out of her day dream as he walked through the kitchen door.

"Thinkin about you, actually," she said lightly.

Her eyes brightened as he crossed the floor and pressed a kiss to her cheek, and a wrapped bouquet of red roses into her hands. "For you. Just 'cause I love you," he said simply.

"Oh, they're beautiful!, You didn't have to do that," Rayna said, touched to her heart as she admired the flowers and set them on the counter nearby. "And thanks for driving the girls to school," she added as she turned back to Deacon. Her arms stole around his neck and she hugged him tightly. His hands slid down her back and lower, and then he lifted her onto the edge of the kitchen counter as they proceeded a round of slow, sweet good morning kisses.

"You don't have to thank me," he said quietly, rubbing his thumb across her cheek. She always looked gorgeous when she was done up for the stage, but he'd always secretly loved her best this way. Fresh outta bed, in a rumpled tshirt and a messy ponytail, not a trace of makeup…this wasn't any queen of country. It was just Ray, and she was all his. "I told you, I wanna be in this with you. All of it, every day. Even the mundane stuff like driving the kids to school. It means something to me, you know?"

She knew. His childhood hadn't been at all a pretty one, and though he'd never really told her all of it, she knew enough. Some scars could never be erased.

"Does that mean you'll rethink what I said?" she asked hopefully. "About staying here with us? I mean, with your surgery coming up and all anyway…"

"Don't need to think about it anymore," Deacon said, pressing another kiss to her lips. "My stuff is in the truck. Some of it at least."

Rayna's eyes lit up. "Really."

"Yep," he said, his eyes solemn. "We wasted enough time. I don't want to lose anymore."

Rayna leaned forward and kissed him again, a little longer, a little deeper.

"You miss me?"

"Mmm hmm."

"I was only gone two hours," he teased softly.

"I know but I can't seem to get enough of you," she admitted with a little smile, her fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Well I know I definitely ain't gonna have a problem getting used to this every morning," he said, smiling against her mouth as his hands settled low on her hips, drawing her against him.

"Me either."

"What time's that appointment you mentioned?"

"Not until noon."

"Good," Deacon said, lifting her off the counter in one swoop. "That gives us plenty of time."

"For what," Rayna threw her head back and laughed as he carried her towards the stairs, with her legs still wrapped around his waist.

"To break in that bedroom of yours properly, darlin."

###########################################

"Y'all sure you want to do this with me?" Rayna said doubtfully a few hours later as they sat in the clinic parking lot after arriving the required 30 minutes before the appointment. "Cuz Babe, you're looking a little…pale."

Deacon was sitting in the driver's seat next to her clutching the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white. Reluctantly he loosened his grip.

"I do," he said firmly, reaching across the console for her hand. "Just kinda makes it real, is all. I missed out on all this when you had Maddie. I wanna be there, Ray. For all of it. Even the…weird pregnancy stuff."

Rayna couldn't help but laugh and shake her head. "And what exactly is the "weird stuff"? Deacon, what on earth have you been reading?"

"Don't ask," he grimaced. "I've been spending too much time on the internet. It's Maddie's fault for trying to get me into all this technology crap."

"Good, because I want you there," she said with a smile, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Even for the weird stuff."

Rayna knew they were bound to get looks in the waiting room of the doctor's office, but luckily there were only a few other people waiting when they walked in and checked in with the receptionist, Deacon shifting uncomfortably in his boots next to her as she filled out paperwork.

She hadn't realized until she saw the way he had looked in the truck that he was scared to death of what he was in for. His expression was so comical, that it was damn hard not to laugh at him as they sat down to wait and she watched him eye up the other pregnant women in the waiting room. A few of them had partners with them also, and the expressions on those mens' faces looked pretty much the same. Sheer terror.

She scrolled through the messages in her phone and snuck a peek at him out of the corner of her eye, trying not to smile as he watched every person who came and went through the doorway with surreptitious eyes. He was fiddling like he didn't know what to do with his hands, boot tapping on the floor. He was nervous.

It was just about the most endearing damn thing she'd seen all day.

"Why are you so nervous," she asked, amused. "It's really just a checkup. We'll probably be in and out in less than a half hour."

"I'm not." he muttered.

Rayna smirked at him. _Yeah right_.

He grabbed a magazine off the table in front of them.

Hell yeah, he was nervous. Talk about jumping in with both feet and baptism by fire. Just a few weeks ago he'd been sitting in a waiting room waiting for a doctor to tell him how much time he had to live, and now…everything was different now.

_Go figure,_ Deacon thought. He flipped open the magazine to a page in the middle and the title of the article jumped out at him. _Sex After Baby._

He raised his eyebrows and glanced at Rayna. "This could be useful."

"You don't wanna be reading that one," Rayna advised. "Trust me." She gently took it out of his hand and set it on the end table, but then again, once again he didn't know what to do with his hands, so she slipped her fingers through his instead.

It seemed to calm him a little, and he squeezed her hand, looking around the waiting room again, not as nervous anymore. Just intrigued.

"You gonna look like that?" he asked her softly, gesturing to a woman who looked like she was about to give birth any second as she struggled to get up and follow the nurse when her name was called.

Rayna winced, all the flashbacks of being pregnant with Maddie and Daphne coming back to her. As much as she loved her girls, she had to admit, being pregnant had not been all sunshine and roses. With both of them the morning sickness had been awful for months, and Daphne's birth had resulted in high blood pressure and an early delivery. This pregnancy was already seeming to be a lot easier, but she wasn't counting her chickens before they hatched yet.

"Probably," she admitted. "Why? You worried?"

"Nope," Deacon said quietly, his eyes crinkling up into a smile. "I just can't wait, that's all."

She melted, when he looked at her like that. In the moments like that she could forget everything going wrong, because this- the two of them- was nothing but going right.

It wasn't long before they called her name, and she saw the two other women left in the waiting room turn to each other and whisper behind their hands.

_Let em talk_, Rayna thought, holding her head high. _We'll give em something to talk about._

"You comin?" she asked Deacon, who was searching through the magazine pile for something more "guy friendly".

He looked surprised. "Thought maybe you'd just want me to wait out here."

"Nope," she said without hesitation, holding out her hand.

He didn't have to say anything, the grateful look in his eyes was enough as he stood up and took her hand. The gossipers in the corner were having a heyday as they walked by to follow the nurse down the hall. And she didn't care one damn bit.

In the examination room, she loved the way Deacon's eyes followed the nurse's every move, absorbing everything, asking something once in awhile, holding her hand between both of his as she went through the normal list of questions with the nurse, and then the doctor came in.

"That don't hurt, does it?" he asked, watching as she squeezed a glob of jelly onto the curve of Rayna's stomach and started moving the Doppler monitor around.

"Nah, it's just cold."

Soon the thump thump thump of a strong heartbeat filled the silence of the room. "And there it is," the doctor said with a smile. "Your baby's heartbeat. 160. Nice and strong.

Rayna looked content to hear that, so he figured it must be good.

"That's him, huh?" Deacon asked, his eyes showing their complete surprise. And wonder. "That's amazing."

"We don't know for sure it's a 'him'," Rayna reminded with a smile. "But I feel like it probably is."

"Aw, sweetheart, you know I don't care either way," he said, squeezing her hand. "Just as long as it's healthy and gets here alright. And I get to…be here," he said haltingly. "You know?"

She felt tears blur her eyes as she laid there, but she pushed them away resolutely. If there was any time him and the girls had ever needed her to be stronger, it was now, and she'd do her damnest to fight for all of them. "It will," she said firmly. "It'll be fine. I believe that."

"All done," the doctor said cheerfully, helping her sit up. "See you in a month. We'll probably do an ultrasound then. Make your next appointment with the receptionist out front."

"Thank you, Dr. Martin."

"That's it?" Deacon asked in surprise after the doctor walked out.

"Yep," Rayna said as she smoothed her shirt down and slid off the table. "See, all that worrying for nothing, right? No big deal."

"But what's all that ultrasound stuff about?" Deacon asked, his eyebrows bunching up in concern. "Is that normal? So early?"

"Totally normal, babe," she reassured with a smile. "We'll get to see him then. Look, you even have _me_ saying "him" now. If it turns out to be a girl, we're in trouble."

_One of these days I'll have this all figured out_, Deacon thought silently as he walked out of the room behind her, his hand on her shoulder.

"You're doing just fine, Babe," she said, covering his hand with her own, as if seeming to sense her thoughts. "Just fine."

"Guess I got a month to get better then, huh," he said soberly. "Cuz I ain't missing that for anything."

"We'll help you," Rayna said, quietly but firmly. "All of us."

After she'd made her next appointment and they were walking back outside to the truck, Deacon stopped her for a second with a hand on her arm before she got into the passenger seat. "What you said before? I don't want you to have to-."

Rayna raised a hand to his mouth and covered it with her palm before he said another word. "Don't you dare, say it, Deacon," she said, her voice coming out a little raspy. "Don't you dare tell me I don't get to take care of you. I'm not doing it because it's expected, or because I have to. I'm doing it because I love you. _We_ love you, and this is what families do. You wanted us, you got us, so you're just gonna have to…_deal_ with that fact."

He was still shaking his head, pulling her in close for a hug as they leaned against the side of the truck, sliding his hand affectionately across the bump in her middle. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Well," she said patiently, hugging him once more before stepping away to pull open the truck passenger door. "I figure we're going to be even in about six months or so when I'm gigantic and miserable. You let me take care of you now, and I'll more than make up for it later."

"You think so, huh." His eyes laughed at her as he went around to the driver's side. "Aw, it won't be that bad."

Rayna looked at him over the back of the truck with raised eyebrows.

"I think you got a lot more reading to do."

########################################

They spent the afternoon at the Highway 65 offices, which delighted Rayna more than she could ever find the words to say, to have him there with her, and it happened more and more lately. This was the way she'd always imagined it. That one day when the hype over trying to carve out a bunch of hit records was behind them, and the touring days were done, this was the kind of "normal" where they'd find a new place and a new dream together, helping other artists realize _their_ dreams. It had been good to make it happen the last year on her own. It felt amazing. But damn if it didn't feel even better to have him there with her, sitting across from her in a chair with a guitar in his lap and his feet up on her desk, plucking strings softly and scribbling on a notebook next to him every once in awhile, all while she took care of the constant stream of people in and out of the office, or randomly asked him what he thought of this demo or that piece of graphics.

This was the way it was supposed to be.

_He's mine_, Rayna thought in secret marvel, not for the first time, sneaking a peek at him looking all serious as he concentrated. Mighta been trying to be serious, but he was turning her on like crazy. Then again, he'd always been hers, just like she'd always been his. She'd just been too damn stubborn to admit it.

What she didn't realize what that when she got busy and wasn't paying attention, he watched _her_. She was in her element here. It was a different kind of element than on stage. It was almost better. It took him back to the first years they'd been together, how long it had taken her to grow into her own skin, to learn how to demand what she wanted and not take no for an answer.

"I like that chorus you have going," Rayna said as she looked up from where she stood in front of her desk, shuffling through a stack of papers, and realized he'd stopped playing. His blue eyes watched her intently. "Why'd you stop?"

"You're distracting."

She cocked her hand on her hip. "Oh, is that so?"

"Yep. Might have to break in this office next."

Rayna laughed, and covered her mouth with her hand, and came around the desk to lean on the edge.

Deacon was laughing as well.

"Shame on us," she said. "We're like 20 year olds all over again. When I think about all those shows when we didn't even make it back to the bus….it's rather embarrassing."

"Can't forget that upstairs janitor closet at the Opry," he mused. "We must have used that sucker 10 times at least."

She bumped her knee with his playfully. "I guess it wasn't all bad, huh?"

"Nah," he said softly, his eyes still watching. "It got us here, didn't it?"

"Sure did. Now play me that song," she said with a little smile.

He leaned forward to steal a kiss, and then started to play.

_Every morning I watch you _

_ Walk into the office _

_ In your business suit _

_ And matching shoes _

_ With your hair put up neatly _

_ You tug at your glasses _

_ And you sit down _

_ Just three desks down _

_ And I watch you _

_ In the fluorescent glare _

_ And my mind drifts away somewhere…. _

_And I see you _

_ In a different light _

_ Your hair falling down _

_ Love in your eyes _

_ In my mind you're a beautiful sight _

_ I see you in a different light _

_ Just the way I saw you last night….. _

Deacon's voice trailed off as the song ended.

"That was beautiful," Rayna said quietly. "Save that one just for us, okay?"

Of all the songs they'd written over the years that turned into hits, those "just for us" songs would always be her favorites. They'd never shared those with anyone.

"You read my mind. Always do."

Deacon realized Ray had tears in her eyes. He stood up and put the guitar aside. "Come on," he said, gently propelling her towards the door of her office with his hands on her shoulders. "Enough work for the day. You shouldn't overdo it anyway. Let Bucky close up shop."

"I can't argue with that," Rayna sighed. "I told Teddy we'd get Maddie and Daphne at 7 anyway."

"Right," Deacon's face couldn't hide his worry over the prospect as he watched her flip off the lights and signal Bucky, who was across the lobby on his phone, that they were leaving.

Tonight, they had to tell the girls.

**The song I used was "The Way I Saw You Last Night" by Doug Stone. Thanks for Reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Again, I have to apologize for so long between updates. I have a creative writing class this semester that's sucking up a lot of my writing time…Thanks for waiting, and thanks for reading!**

Maddie and Daphne clamored out of Teddy's house and down the sidewalk as soon as Deacon pulled the truck to a stop at the curb. They must have been watching, Rayna figured as she got out. She barely got more than two brief hugs as they flew past her. Teddy stood in his doorway and she slowly made her way up the sidewalk to talk with him for a few minutes, turning back just for a second to glance at the girls once more. The lump in her throat made it hard to find the right words as she watched them happily climb into Deacon's truck with their backpacks, eager to fill him in on their last few days' activities. They'd missed him.

"So you and him," Teddy said. He watched the girls too. They were out of hearing range, but it was easy to see they were happy.

The way he said it, Rayna realized, it wasn't an accusation or derogatory comment. It was just…saying what they'd both always known.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Me and him."

"The girls told me about the baby. Congratulations, I guess."

Teddy looked a little sad at the mention of this, and Rayna wondered if he was thinking about losing Peggy and the baby they'd lost as well.

"Thanks," she said, her eyes darkening a little.

"Something else wrong, Rayna?"

"Actually there is," she said slowly. "Deacon's sick, Teddy. He's…got liver cancer. We're going to be telling the girls tonight."

Teddy looked stunned, running his hands through his dark hair. "I'm sorry to hear that. Deacon and I have had our moments, but…"

"I just thought you should know," Rayna said with a troubled sigh. "Because I don't think Maddie is going to handle it very well. He goes in for surgery the day after Christmas. I was hoping you'd be able to keep them a few extra days on Christmas? At least until we know how everything goes."

"Of course," Teddy said, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. "As long as you need. Just let me know. Anything else as well."

"Thanks," she murmured, and started down the sidewalk with her hands in the pockets of her down jacket.

"And Rayna?"

She turned back just for a brief second.

"I really am sorry."

"Me too, Teddy. Me too."

##################################################

"So what's this about?" Maddie said without hesitating for a moment as soon as they arrived back home and sat the girls down in the living room to call a family meeting. "Are you guys finally getting married?"

"You are, right?" Daphne wiggled eagerly next to her sister. "That would just be like, the best thing ever. Can we be in the wedding?"

_Oh my sweet girls_, Rayna thought, her heart aching.

Deacon's eyes met hers over their heads, and she could see how much it hurt him to have to take that excitement out of their eyes. In the short time that they had been back together, she'd already seen the positive changes in both of the girls, but especially Maddie. She was noticeably more open and agreeable with both of them, the teenage tantrums becoming rarer as the days went by. She'd finally gotten her family. She was happy.

"We'll do that someday soon," Rayna said, taking a deep breath. "But that's not what this is about." She took one of each of their hands as they sat together on the sofa and Deacon sat in the armchair nearby, with his elbows on his knees. "Something's happened that we need to tell you. And it's a little…scary."

The girls glanced between back and forth the two of them apprehensively.

"I knew it," Maddie murmured. "I knew something was wrong, you guys were acting weird all the way home. I knew this all was too good to be true."

"Mom, are you okay?" Daphne asked, her eyes huge. "Is the baby okay?"

"It's not me," Rayna said, trying to find the right words. "I'm fine, and the baby is fine."

"It's not your mom," Deacon said quietly. "It's me."

Two pairs of eyes swiveled towards him in confusion.

"See, the doctors did some tests on me awhile ago," he said cautiously. "And it turns out I have cancer."

The shock on their faces was heartbreaking. Daphne immediately started to cry.

Maddie's blue eyes were huge with disbelief. "That can't be. Mom, that's wrong, right?"

"I know it's a little difficult to understand," Rayna said carefully. "But Deacon has a tumor and they want to do surgery to remove it. They're going to do it very soon, the day after Christmas. And then hopefully the cancer will be gone. He'll have to have tests every once in awhile to make sure."

"A tumor? Like where?"

"Well…."

"It's probably on his liver, right?" Maddie said quietly. "Just say it."

"Yeah," Deacon admitted. "It is."

"Of course it is," Maddie muttered.

Deacon could see it on her face as it registered, and the guilt was overwhelming. He knew Rayna was right. He'd spent weeks pushing everyone away to spare them the pain of all this, but the truth was he couldn't. It hurt like hell to see those awful looks on their faces.

"What if it doesn't work?" Maddie said flatly. "The surgery or the medicine, or whatever?"

"Chances are pretty high that it's gonna work. But if it doesn't…then I'll need a liver transplant."

"What if _that_ doesn't work?" Maddie persisted. "And you can't get one?"

He glanced at Rayna, his eyes pained. "Well hopefully it doesn't get that far, and we don't have to worry about that.

"But it could." Maddie whispered. "You could die, right?"

Daphne looked horrified, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Are you going to die?"

"Maddie, you need to slow down a little," Rayna said, laying a gentle hand on her arm. "I know this is really hard for all of us, but we need to stick together right now and try to just…be positive. We can look at the facts, and there's a real good chance the surgery-."

Maddie yanked her arm away and stood up. "You lied. You said you were always going to be there," she said, turning to Deacon accusingly, her voice coming out in a choked sob.

"Hey now," he said, standing up and reaching over to pull her into a hug. "I'm not giving up without a fight, Maddie, and the three of you, the _four_ of you are the biggest reason to fight that I have."

Maddie pushed him away hard. "I don't believe you." She whispered, and she fled towards the stairs.

Deacon watched her go, and turned to Rayna helplessly.

Rayna was sitting on the couch with Daphne gathered in her arms, the sound of her muffled sobs the only thing breaking the silence.

He sat down next to her, feeling completely powerless as Rayna hugged her daughter, tears coming out of her own eyes as she met his gaze. He pulled the two of them against him, and it wasn't even a minute before his own shoulders shook.

Christmas was in two days, and it was officially ruined. And there wasn't a damn thing he knew how to do to fix any of it.

So he just held them instead.

#################################

**Christmas Eve **

They'd originally made plans to keep the mood light and take the girls to a Christmas party Juliette and Avery were throwing, but when Rayna went up to their room late in the afternoon to see if they were ready, she found the fancy holiday dresses still on their hangers. Maddie was laid out on Daphne's bed with her head on her little sister's lap while Daphne stroked her hair, looking so small and lost. Either one of them had barely left their rooms and each other's sides since the night before.

It was a little bit of a comfort for Rayna though, seeing them lean on each other. And it made her miss her own sister. She hadn't seen Tandy since the night before the defunct wedding to Luke. Her sister was hoping to make it back to town by the weekend to help with the girls and Highway 65 while she concentrated on getting Deacon recovered.

"Hey there," Rayna said, knocking on the open door softly.

Daphne looked up, her young eyes so sad. "Hi, Mommy," she said in a small voice. "We don't really wanna to go to the party. Can we just stay home with you and Deacon tonight?"

Rayna sighed, and sunk down onto the bed next to the girls, her back against the headboard. "Are you sure?"

Maddie's quiet but persistent sniffling said enough.

"He's gonna be okay, right, Mom?" Daphne whispered.

"I hope so." Rayna said, leaning forward and her arms tightening around both of them. "All we can do is say lots of prayers, and hope that the surgery goes like it's supposed to. Deacon has really good doctors. They'll take care of him for us. Scarlett's friend Caleb is his doctor. You remember Caleb, right? We trust him."

It was damn hard not to let the girls see her cry, and her eyes ached with unshed tears. They sat there like that for a long time leaning against each other. After awhile, Maddie's sniffles subsided, and Daphne had sagged against her mom, also falling into a light asleep.

Rayna didn't even realize she too had dozed off, until she felt Deacon's hand on her shoulder, gently rousing her awake. He was sitting next to her on the bed, eyes worried.

"Hey," he said quietly. "You okay?"

"Hey," she murmured, covering his hand with her own. Next to her, Daphne stirred and opened her eyes. "We're okay."

"Listen," he said firmly. "It's Christmas Eve and we ain't gonna spend it crying. Now there's a Christmas tree downstairs with nothing on it. How bout we go decorate it?"

Rayna looked tired. So tired. Sad. Weary. He could see it in her eyes. Even she, who was so damned determined to be the rock for everyone else, had cracks in her tough exterior. He worried about all the stress on her, on the baby too. It couldn't be good for either of them.

He reached out and skimmed a hand across the bump on the front of her stomach. "Maybe you should just let the girls and me do it, and you can stay up here and rest a little longer."

She couldn't help but smile at his affectionate touch. "No way, I'm not missing this for the world."

Daphne sat up and rubbed her eyes. "I'll make the popcorn. For garland." She said, forcing a smile. "That'd look neat, right?"

"I think that would look real nice, honey," Rayna said, her eyes meeting Deacon's. _Just trying to make the best of it, _his said_. For them._

She loved him for that, even though they both knew it was a daunting task. And she loved how much he loved their girls.

Next to her sister, Maddie sat up as well, but she kept her head down and her eyes carefully averted.

"Sounds like a plan," Deacon reached out and gently tugged on one of her braids. "You go ahead with your mama, alright? Maddie and I will be right down."

He watched as Rayna slid off the bed and took Daphne's hand in hers, and they left the room. And he was left with Maddie as she got up and moved off the bed and as far away from him as she could get and still be in the room, all the way to the windowseat.

It hurt. She was shutting him out.

He knew how to do that all too well, how easy it was to close out the people who loved you for fear of dealing with the pain.

With a sigh, he crossed the room and sat down next to her.

Maddie stared broodingly out the window. "I don't really wanna talk," she muttered. "Can I just be alone, please?"

"You know," Deacon said quietly. "We're a lot alike, you and me. Sometimes when things get hard it seems like it's easier to run away or be alone, and we both do that. It's not really a good thing."

"It's your fault," Maddie blurted out. "All of it. If you weren't have been a drunk in the first place, you coulda been my dad a long time ago, and you wouldn't even be sick."

And that one was the kill shot. He knew she was just being honest, just being a scared teenage girl whose world was spinning out of control, but it still hurt like hell to know his daughter thought he had failed her.

Maddie looked horrified at the words that had come out of her mouth, and she brought her palm to her mouth. "I'm sorry," she started to cry harder. "I didn't really mean that, Dad."

"I know you didn't," he said, pulling her in close for a hug. "Cmere, kid. I know you're scared, and I am too. But it's gonna be okay, Maddie."

Her lower lip still trembled. "You don't know that. What if something goes wrong?"

Deacon swallowed hard, and stroked a comforting hand over her hair. "I'm not gonna lie to you. It could. But if it does? You'll still be okay, sweetheart. Because no matter what happens to me? You are still the bravest and strongest kid I know. You get that from your mama. And I am so proud of you and everything you are, and I'm proud I get to be your dad. I love you, Maddie."

Maddie's eyes overflowed with fresh tears. "I love you too, Dad."

His own eyes burned with unshed tears.

"You're wrong, you know," she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder.

"About what?"

"Being strong. I don't just get it from Mom. I get it from you too."

##########################################################

December 26th came way too early, and way too soon. The holidays had been a somber affair, with all four of them trying overly hard to act happy, and not very well succeeding. Even the girls opening their gifts Christmas morning were much more quiet and reserved than Rayna had ever seen them. The worries and the "what ifs" hung in the air over all of their heads like a dark cloud. Finally, she just gave up on trying to force the holiday mood, and they spent the rest of Christmas together snuggled in a big heap on the couch, looking at old photo albums and moving only to refill coffee and hot chocolate mugs.

Then they had dropped the girls back off at Teddy's in the afternoon on Christmas day, not without more tears. Daphne had begged and pleaded not to have to go, and Maddie had tried like hell to be strong for her sister, and Rayna was trying like hell to be strong for all of them, but watching them say goodbye to Deacon with tears running down the faces of the three people she loved more than life broke her heart more than anything ever had in her life.

And now, the morning of the surgery had arrived. They were scheduled to be at the hospital by 8 am.

Rayna had already been awake for hours when Deacon found her out on the balcony to their room, wrapped in a thick down-filled comforter with a cup of coffee in her hand. Or rather, she was _still _awake. She'd hardly slept at all, watching him sleep next to her instead. Watching his chest move up and down as he breathed. Resisting the urge to reach out and touch his face, run her fingers through his hair, wake him to make love to her a second time. He needed his sleep, she knew, so she didn't. She prayed instead, over and over.

_Please God, don't let anything go wrong._

"G'morning," he said quietly, leaning in the doorway, rubbing his arms in his long sleeved tshirt. "It's cold out here."

Rayna smiled a little. "It's not too bad."

She set the coffee cup on a nearby patio table, and lifted the blanket.

Deacon sat down next to her and tucked it in around them, tucked her in next to him, marveling not for the first time at how they always seemed to fit so perfectly into each other. That had never changed.

"I was waiting for the sun to come up," Rayna said softly, gesturing to the horizon in front of them. It was just starting to streak with the first orange rays of light. The rest of the morning was grey and cool. "And I was sitting here thinking…how much I want to watch the sun come up with you every morning, Deacon. And watch it set every night for a long, long time. I'm not ready to let go of that dream yet."

His arms tightened around her, and he brushed the hair off her neck and kissed her. "I don't know how I ever thought I could do this without you," he murmured.

"You're gonna be fine," Rayna said, trying to sound optimistic, but her voice tremored. "We'll get this done, and get you better and home with us, and everything will be fine. I mean, like you said last night, it could be worse, right? Some people in your stage aren't even eligible for surgery."

"That's true." He brought her hand to his lips to kiss it, and stopped, staring at it, then dragged his eyes to hers in question.

It had been a long time since he'd seen that ring on her finger.

Rayna took a deep breath, gesturing toward the silver band she'd slipped onto her finger sometime in the wee hours of the night. "I thought…maybe it would bring good luck today, you know? I plan to wear it, all the time now. It feels right." She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his.

"It does," he murmured, catching her mouth with his and giving her the gentlest, most tender kiss. "We should go, Baby. Have to be there in an hour."

"Just one more minute," she said with a sigh, turning in his arms again to face the horizon and leaning back against his chest. "Look, there is it see?"

In front of them, the sun finally burst over the horizon in a blazing ball of orange fire, splashing yellow light over everything in its path, forging ahead into a new day, a "ready or not" kind of day.

He was right. They needed to go. Ready or not.

Their future depended on it.

#########################################

They didn't speak on the drive to the hospital. The silence between them hung in the air, thick with unspoken worries. Rayna drove, keeping her eyes straight ahead. She didn't look at him. She couldn't. She was afraid she'd fall apart if she did. Just lose it completely.

So she just drove. Deacon reached for her hand across the console and squeezed it hard.

Her lower lip trembled, and her breath came out in a deep sigh

One tear, he saw. But just one before she set her mouth in a line and resolutely pushed the rest of them away.

"Here we are," she said, and he realized they were pulling into the hospital parking lot.

"Yep."

They sat there for a good five minutes in silence staring at the building.

"Well alright," Rayna said holding her chin high and opening her door. "Let's go get you fixed up."

He'd never admired her strength more than he did that morning.

It didn't take long to finish the paperwork and settle Deacon in a room. Rayna watched quietly from a chair nearby while a nurse did his vitals. He was already complaining about the hospital gown.

_Typical Deacon,_ she thought in silent amusement.

"You're gonna be wearing one of those for a few days, Babe, better get used to it," she said ruefully.

"Yeah, that don't mean I gotta like it, he grumbled, wincing as the nurse stuck an IV in the back of his hand.

It was way too soon that three nurses in scrubs were coming in the room to wheel him away.

Neither one of them needed the details, but a nurse read from the clipboard in her hand anyway. The pre-op appointment with the doctor the previous week had already gone over all this.

Rayna closed her eyes and tried to block out the nurses voice when she got to the part about the risks.

"Alright, you ready?" One of the other nurses asked cheerfully.

"Just give us a second?" Deacon asked, glancing over at Rayna.

"No problem, we got about ten minutes."

They stepped back for a minute, and she came forward.

"I'll be waiting," she promised quietly, leaning over to press a kiss to his mouth.

His hand found hers, running his thumb lightly over her ring for a second before he reached out to lay a hand across her stomach in that now familiar gesture.

In the last few days she'd started to feel those familiar flutters of new live she remembered from when she'd had the girls. It was exciting, bittersweet. Deacon couldn't feel it yet when he put his hand there, but she knew how much he was looking forward to that, how much they both regretted him missing those tiny yet significant moments he'd missed when she was pregnant with Maddie.

"I love you," she said softly, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes, unable to hold back any longer the tears that rolled down her face,

"When I get out of this," he murmured. "I'm marrying you. As soon as possible."

"You bet you are," she whispered, with a shaky smile.

"I love you, Baby."

It took all the strength Rayna had in the world to give him one more kiss and then step back.

Deacon looked at the row of nurses, patiently waiting with sympathetic looks.

"Okay," he said resolutely. "Let's do this."

And with that, Rayna watched them wheel him out for surgery.

She sank onto the sofa in the corner of the hospital suite and with shaking hands shot off a mass text message to all those that loved Deacon the most, the ones would would be waiting anxiously, phones in hand, for the next 8 hours' worth of updates. Only a few words were necessary.

_He's in. Please pray. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Deacon **

_He'd never seen water that color in real life before. It was so pure and bluish-green that it almost took his breath away._ _For late afternoon it was still hot, but the breeze off the ocean cooled his face and left the smell of sand and saltwater hanging in the air. They were the only people left on this part of the beach now, but music filtered out from somewhere behind them, where a reggae band played under the giant tiki hut that served as an outdoor cantina._

_ "Is this heaven?" he said to her, his eyes crinkling up into a smile. _

_ Rayna threw her head back and laughed, sitting in front of him on the edge of their blanket between his knees, wrapped in his arms, her toes buried in the sand. "Maybe?" she teased softly._

_She looked so damn sweet and pretty in her white sundress, sitting there with her sunglasses perched on top of her hair, and her nose a little pink from all their days under this sun and next to this water, loose strands of hair around her face being softly rippled by the breeze off the water. He didn't know how she'd done it, how somehow Rayna had gotten him to trade in his boots and jeans for shorts and sandals, but those days he would have done anything for one of those smiles. _

_ She gave him life. _

_ She _was _his life and he was hers. _

_ In front of them, the sun was melting lower into the horizon._

_ "It's so beautiful," Rayna said with a happy sigh. _

_ "It sure is," he said, but his eyes were only on her. He reached for her hand, admiring the matching wedding bands on both of their fingers. _

_ "You happy?" She murmured. _

_ "Hell yeah," he said, burying his face in her hair. "I could stay here forever. What do you say, huh? Pack up the girls and move to Mexico? Give the locals a little lesson in country." _

_ "It doesn't matter where I am, Babe," she said with a contented sigh. "As long as I'm with you." _

_ He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her, the feel of her. _

_ Lower the sun went, until it completely disappeared, darkness falling over them. _

_ When he tried to open his eyes again, they were so heavy it was suddenly impossible. _

_ Pain. Darkness. Suffocating blackness that he couldn't seem to find his way out of. Like being underwater. He felt the panic wash over him, tried to call out her name to find her but the words wouldn't come._

_ He thrashed against the pain that beat in a sharp rhythm against his side, but then her voice was there again. Soft, quiet. _

_ "I'm here, Babe. You're okay." _

_ Somewhere in the darkness a hand slid into his. _

_ The pain faded and his limbs relaxed again. _

_ And he was back to a beach in Mexico, with her next to him. _

_################################################# _

**Three months later **

"Well, isn't she just the sweetest thing ever," Rayna said admiringly as she held Juliette's baby girl across her lap, what was left of her 26 weeks pregnant lap anyway. Baby Josselyn, affectionately known as Josie, was now just about 2 months old. She stared up at Rayna with wide pretty blue eyes, chewing on her fingers and kicking her feet. "Gosh, it seems like so long since the girls were this little. Motherhood suits you, Juliette. I can see so much of you and Avery both in her."

"Thank you. And she's amazing," Juliette said with a contented smile from her place on the chair nearby. "I just love her so much. You'll be holding your own soon enough. I bet you can't wait until June. Are you two going to find out what you're having?"

"Well actually…."

Deacon walked in from the kitchen then, finally appearing from an afternoon holed up writing in their music room.

Rayna paused for a second, losing her train of thought just looking at him. Every day now, the first thing she did in the morning was say a prayer of thanks to god that his surgery had been a success. The recovery road hadn't been easy, and he'd pretty much made them all miserable that first month home, but it was worth it, every time she saw him walk in the room with that smile on his face. Last week they'd celebrated him getting a clean bill of health from Dr. Rand. The scans were good, the cancer was gone. He was healthy, and back to normal,

She could never exactly find the words to say how grateful she was.

"Ray, why didn't you tell me they were here?" Deacon said, dropping onto the couch next to her.

"You said not to interrupt you unless the house was on fire, Babe." Rayna reminded, cooing at the baby in her lap, admiring the tiny palm that wrapped around her finger.

"Well, this is different," he said, eying up the precious package in her lap.

"You're gonna steal her, aren't you?" She hid a smile.

"Yep," Deacon said, reaching over to scoop the baby off of her lap and put Josie against his shoulder. "We need some godfather time."

Juliette laughed. There was no doubt in her mind that she and Avery had made the best possible choice asking Rayna and Deacon to be their daughter's godparents. They'd come so far, the two of them, and she was beyond thrilled at the thought of Deacon getting the chance to be a father from the beginning, of them getting to be a family with their baby and the girls. "I'm so thrilled for both of you. And I bet the girls are excited."

"They are. It's a good thing they're in school, or you'd never get your baby back." Rayna couldn't keep the smile off her face. The day after Deacon's scans had come back clean last week had given them another reason to celebrate.

They were having a son.

Seeing the thrill and wonder on Deacon's face when the ultrasound tech had said those words was a moment Rayna would carry with her for the rest of her life. _It's a boy. _

_ A boy, Ray. Did you hear that? I can take him fishing. I mean, the girls like to fish, but they never wanna touch the worms. _

She watched him now, with Juliette's baby, and her heart swelled with love. She had no doubt he was going to be the best daddy in the world to their son. Because he already was a great father to their girls, a great uncle, and an amazing man.

Then again, she'd always known that about him. He'd just had to believe it about himself.

"I should probably get going," Juliette said regretfully, bringing Rayna out of her thoughts. "Avery comes home from the tour today, and I want to be there when he does. Let me know boy or girl? I'd like to plan a shower for you. Since you took the time to give me one."

"Actually," Rayna echoed again. "We're having a boy."

"Yep, it's a he," Deacon said, not taking his eyes off the baby. "Mama was right all along. Ray said from the beginning she thought it was a boy."

"Wow, that's great! Just great," Juliette said with a smile.

Deacon had the baby across his knees now, making faces at her trying to get her to laugh. She just stared up at him, and finally he got a tiny smile from the rosebud mouth. Mission accomplished. Reluctantly he handed her back to her mama. "Back to work for me, too." He stood up and reached over to kiss Rayna on the forehead. "Call me for dinner. I'm gonna finish that song I was working on. And good to see you Juliette. And little J. Bring her over again soon."

"You too, Deacon."

They both watched him go.

"I love that man a little more every day," Rayna said quietly. "I didn't even think that was possible."

"It's good to see you both smiling," Juliette said sincerely. "And him healthy. I know it's been a rough six months for all of you."

"It has," Rayna nodded in agreement. The baby kicked in her belly, and she rubbed her side absently. Making himself known, he was. _Just like a Claybourne_, she thought in amusement. "But we've sure come a long ways, and things are good now. Waiting on the baby. Talking about a wedding. Highway 65 is doing great, and it's the best feeling having him there with me. It's what we always wanted. Him the talent, me the business. Making music in our spare time. It's the dream," she almost got teary-eyed thinking about it. "There is literally not one more thing in my life I could ask for right now. This…is having it all, and I thank god every day that we do."

Juliette bid her goodbye soon after, and promised that she was thinking about getting back in the studio soon. Rayna told her not to hurry, and then closed the front door behind them and leaned against it for a second, lost in thought and a little smile, a hand protectively across her belly. Another memory came to her mind, that night about a month ago when they'd been laying in bed, Deacon's hand across her middle like it always was as they drifted off to sleep.

"_Oh my god, I think he moved Ray. I felt him move." _

_The stunned look on his face as she craned her neck up to look at him was priceless. She laughed as she felt the baby kick hard again under where his palm was warm against her stomach under the old tshirt of his she'd worn to bed. Of course, she'd been feeling it for weeks, but he hadn't been able to. "Yep. There he goes again. I guess you did." _

"_I can't believe it, that's amazing." _

"_he's saying hi to his Daddy." _

_Deacon's eyes got fuzzy, and he leaned down and kissed her mouth tenderly. "I can't wait to meet him, Baby. Thank you." _

_She laughed softly. "For what, Deacon?" _

"_For him. This life. You. The girls. All of it. All I ever wanted, Ray, was all of you." _

Deacon reappeared now in the hallway with a guitar in his hand.

"Hey, I thought you didn't want to be interrupted," she teased with a little laugh.

He shook his head and smiled. "Come on. Upstairs with me. Before the girls get home."

She cocked her hand on her hip. "Deacon, it's the middle of the afternoon, really?"

"Ray," he gave her an exasperated look. "Not _that_. I wanna play this for you. I've been messing with this song all day, and I think I just need to leave it. I want you to hear it first."

Rayna followed him upstairs, and was surprised when they went into the baby's room. "In here?"

"Yep," he said with a smile, taking her hand.

"Why?"

"Because I wrote it for him."

She melted at the sound of that. Just melted.

He was already writing songs for their unborn son.

The room had already been painted a few days earlier in sweet shades of grey and white and blue. Rayna was planning on having a local artist come in soon and paint a music-related mural on one of the walls, and a brand new crib waited still in the box in a corner. _No hurry,_ she thought. They had time. He'd sleep in their room for the first few months anyway. For now, the room waited empty in anticipation.

They sat against the wall in the empty room, and Rayna closed her eyes as Deacon started to play next to her. Tears were running down her face, mixing with laughter before he even got through the first verse.

_I remember sayin I don't care either way _

_Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm okay _

_Then the doctor pointed to the corner of that screen _

_And said "you see that thing right there, well you know what that means". _

_I started wondering who he was gonna be _

_And I thought "heaven help us if he's anything like me". _

_ He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast _

_ End up every summer wearing something in a cast _

_ Hes gonna throw a ball and break some glass _

_ In a window down the street _

_ Hes gonna get in trouble, oh hes gonna get in fights _

_ Im gonna lose my temper and some sleep _

_ It's safe to say that, im gonna get my payback _

_ If he's anything like me _

_ Hes gonna love me and hate me _

_ Somewhere along the way _

_ Years are gonna fly by, I already dread the day _

_ Hes gonna hug his momma _

_ Hes gonna shake my hand _

_ Hes gonna act like he cant wait to leave _

_ But as he drives out _

_ He'll cry his eyes out _

_ If he's anything like me _

_ There's worse folks to be like _

_ Oh he'll be alright. _

_ If he's anything like me. _

_ "_That was beautiful," Rayna murmured as he hit the last notes. "Don't change it. Not a single note."

Deacon set the guitar aside and pulled her across his lap. He ran his hands gently over her bump, like he did often now, fascinated with the way it changed all the time. A little bigger every day. There was a lump on one side now, where he was sure there hadn't been one yesterday. He pressed his palm against it, and got kicked in return. Rayna smiled.

"That must be a foot, huh?"

"I think so."

"You know, when I was a kid…" Deacon's voice trailed off. "Well, I just want better for him. I mean, look how long it took me to figure Maddie out. Starting from the beginning is a lot different. I honestly got no idea what the hell I'm doing, Ray."

"We'll figure it out, Deacon. It's been a long time for me too."

"I just want him to grow up happy," he said soberly. "Knowin he's loved and all that.

"Hey," she said softly, her fingers trailing through the back of his hair, leaning forward to kiss him gently. "He will, Deacon. Because he has us, and he has two big sisters who are going to spoil him to death. He's already loved."

"He's half Claybourne, Ray. That's some genes that I'm giving him," Deacon said with a heavy sigh, tracing his thumb over her cheek. "I mean, if he's anything like me?"

"If he's anything like you," she said, leaning forward to kiss him again. "He will be hardworking, and loving, and probably a little stubborn too. And I will be proud to be his mama."

They barely noticed the clamoring on the stairs in between long hugs and sweet kisses, until the sound of Maddie and Daphne's voices in the hallway cut through.

"Mom? Deacon?"

Two teenage girls stood in the doorway with backpacks slung over their shoulders.

"Really." Maddie said in disgust. "In the baby's room, guys?"

Maddie's only reservation to her parents being together, Rayna had discovered to her chagrin in the last several months, was that they were "really, really gross".

"Aww, I think it's cute," Daphne chimed in. "It means you like each other. Like like-like. Looooove. All that mushy stuff. Moms and Dads are supposed to do that."

Deacon smirked at Rayna, his eyes trailing to her stomach, which certainly had made it known that they "liked" each other, giving her a knowing look.

_Shame on you,_ she sent him a silent message, her eyes dancing.

Rayna laughed, and slid off his lap, struggling to get off the floor with that belly in front of her. "Get used to it, Maddie. Daphne's right. We really, really like each other."

"Ugh," came Maddie's voice from the hallway. "You guys are _so_ embarrassing!"

Deacon stood up too, and stole one more kiss as they walked out of the room, the girls already ahead of them to go downstairs.

"Is that because you really like me?" Rayna teased softly.

"Something that," his eyes crinkled into a smile. "Might tell ya how much later."

He'd tell her, alright. And show her.

Every day, every night for the rest of their lives.


	14. Chapter 14

**May **

Daphne came into the kitchen shaking her head.

"Whatsamatter?" Deacon asked as he leaned against the counter and scrolled through listings on his phone for the nearest repair service. "Of all the things in this damn giant fancy house," he muttered. The central air conditioning had decided to go up in smoke the afternoon before, and it had to coincide with the first sweltering heat wave of the year. To top it off, it was heading into a long holiday weekend, and it seemed every damn HVAC guy in three counties was off duty, no matter how much he offered to pay.

"She wants me to paint her toenails," Daphne whispered in a low voice, so her mother on the couch nearby couldn't overhear. "Again. Because she doesn't like the color from yesterday. She can't even _see_ her toes." She cocked her head, gesturing.

Maddie was on her way to the refrigerator to grab the pitcher of lemonade and pour her mom another glass. She paused and sighed. "I know she's really, really pregnant, Dad," she glanced toward the couch and lowered her voice. "But she's driving us crazy! It's not much longer, right?"

Giving up on finding an A/C guy, Deacon dropped his phone on the counter. He gave the girls a sympathetic smile, and slung an arm over Maddie's shoulders. "Just a few more weeks. Try not to take it personally, okay? She'll be back to normal soon. I hope."

"I can still hear y'all. I'm pregnant, not deaf." Rayna said, annoyed, not even looking up from her laptop, where she was basically running Highway 65 from her semi-permanent spot on the sofa.

Maddie raised her eyebrows and pressed the cold glass of lemonade into Deacon's hand, straw, perfect amount of ice and all. "You're turn. Good luck, Dad."

The girls smirked at him and quickly made their escape for the stairs. With a sigh, he headed for the living room.

Rayna was propped up on the couch, with her hair tied up in a haphazard knot on top of her head, wearing stretchy black yoga pants and an old Bluebird Café tshirt. Her bare feet stuck out in front of her, and her laptop balanced on her belly, papers and reports spread out around her. It wasn't working out too well, he could see. Every time the baby shifted and kicked, the laptop tipped dangerously to one side, and she had to reach out to catch it. It would have been comical if she didn't look so exasperated.

"Hey, stop that," she chided, poking at her stomach. "Mama's trying to get some work done, here."

Deacon stood there with the glass in his hand and watched her for a minute, and it was pretty damn hard not to smile. He knew she was miserable as hell, but at the same time she was the sweetest, most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

He couldn't wait to meet their son.

She glanced up at him, sensing his gaze. "What?"

"Nothing. You look damn cute, is all."

"Deacon, I swear to god, if you start singing "Having my Baby" one more time, I will find a way to get off this couch and smack you silly if it's the last thing I do."

He shook his head and smiled. "I wouldn't dare," he said, handing her the glass of lemonade. "Drink this. You don't need to get dehydrated. It's hotter than hell in here."

"Thanks. Any word on that A/C guy?"

"No, Baby, I'm sorry. No one will come fix it until Tuesday," he sunk onto the sofa next to her, defeated. "I'm ready to go out there and fix it myself. With a hammer."

"It's okay. Not your fault." Rayna leaned her head back and pushed a loose strand of hair off her forehead. Of course, there was an oscillating fan she'd made Deacon run out last night and buy at midnight last night about 3 feet away, but it wasn't helping to do much but blow the hot air around and mess up her papers. It was absolutely sweltering in the house, even with every single window open on the first floor. "But this," she gestured to her giant belly with two hands. "This is definitely your fault. And not gonna lie, I'm relieved we both agreed this will be the last time it happens."

She knew she didn't have much room to complain. Considering all the circumstances, and the stress of dealing with Deacon's illness, she'd been blessed to have an extremely easy pregnancy with little to no complications, much easier than it had been with both of the girls.

Deacon reached a hand out and ran his hand across the bump, and was met with a flurry of activity. "He's moving around a lot today, huh?" It wouldn't be long now at all. It was thrilling and scary as hell at the same time. Dealing with teenage girls was one thing. Someone handing him a brand new human and telling him not to screw the kid up was completely another.

"More than usual," she grimaced. "I don't know how he's even got any room left."

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Hang in there, he's almost here."

"I know," Rayna sighed. She knew she was driving them all crazy, and the influx of Highway 65 people running in and out of the house off and on for days wasn't helping a bit, but Deacon's infinite patience over the last months with all her crazy pregnancy cravings and mood swings and crying jags amazed her. She was more than ready to have their baby boy arrive and go back to feeling halfway human again.

"You need to give up on all this for now," Deacon said, gently taking the laptop out of her hands and setting it on the coffee table. "You've got Tandy at the office again now, let her and Bucky handle everything til after he gets here."

"I don't think I can argue with you," she admitted. "You know what would be the most amazing thing right now? To feel the breeze blowing off the water…."

"Rayna. Don't even say it."

"At the cabin," she finished.

"No. No way. That's over an hour away from the hospital and there's no cell reception. I'm not taking you up there," he said firmly. "What if something happened?"

"Deacon," she said reasonably. "Even something crazy happened and I went into labor, this baby is not coming out in an hour, trust me."

"Said how many guys who then delivered their children in the backseat on the way to the hospital!"

"The cabin has air conditioning."

"No."

"Well fine," Rayna said, setting her chin in a line. "Then I'm going to the office. There's air there, too. I'll call Bucky to come back and get me."

"Sure," Deacon agreed. "As soon as you can get off this couch on your own."

She glared at him. "That's not fair."

"Baby, I'm just trying to take care of you."

"Then take me to the cabin," she insisted stubbornly.

"Nope. No way."

Two hours later, they were flying down the highway with the windows open to the wind and Maddie and Daphne in the backseat of the truck, loaded down with enough supplies to last the next three days.

Deacon glanced over at her as he drove. She looked happier and more relaxed already.

_I never could say no to her,_ he thought, amused, watching as she laughed with the girls and sang along to an old Willie Nelson song on the radio. He knew she was still uncomfortable though, just by the way she kept shifting around.

He just hoped to god that baby boy Claybourne was planning on staying put for at least a few more days.

By the time they got up to the cabin late afternoon, the heat of the day had cooled significantly and storm clouds were building in the east. He banished Rayna to taking a nap in their room in the a/c while him and the girls unloaded duffel bags and groceries. Soon after that, they quickly disappeared hauling the keyboard and a couple guitars down the hall to Maddie's room, and he knew he wouldn't see them for hours.

He walked out on the front porch, watching the sky intently.

"Hey," Rayna came out the door walking slowly, awkwardly, a little unsteady on her bare feet, bracing her hands in the small of her back. Her toes were purple now, thanks to Daphne. Not that she could actually see them. "God, that breeze feels good, doesn't it? I told you it would."

"Yep. Storm's coming, though. I thought you were taking a nap?"

"Couldn't get comfortable," she said wearily, and eyed the hammock in the corner of the porch hanging from the rafters. "Been a long time since we watched a storm up here. Sit with me? Even though I'll probably never make it back out of that thing."

"You don't gotta ask me twice." Deacon threaded her hand through his and pulled her towards the hammock, tucking her in under his shoulder, setting them in motion gently with the toe of his boot.

"This is nice, isn't it," she said with a contented sigh, closing her eyes and burrowing in closer to him. "This is exactly what we needed, one last weekend away just the four of us."

The thunder rolled, and the rain came straight down in buckets, but they were secure and dry under the cover of the porch. She'd never felt more safe than she did with him holding her.

His arms tightened around her, and he kissed her forehead.

"What you thinking, Babe?" She murmured.

"Just about when I first bought this place," he said quietly. "I wanted us to spend the rest of our lives here together. Have a family…Sometimes I just can't believe we finally got this far."

She tilted her head to gaze up at him. "We did. This is it, Deacon. A life that's good. We got the fairytale. Maybe we took the long road, but we made it."

"Yeah," he said softly. "We sure did."

They spent three days at the cabin fishing, relaxing by the campfire, and making music together. It was heaven, exactly what they needed. Time away from everything else as a family before their family got a little bit bigger.

"I'm bummed we have to go," Daphne pouted as they packed up on Monday afternoon to head for home.

"We'll be back," Deacon said as he locked up and walked with her towards the truck where Maddie and Rayna waited. "Once school is out and the little guy is here, we'll have all summer."

"Probably a good idea anyway," Daphne wrinkled her nose. "Because Mom is not looking too good. At all."

Daphne was right, Deacon realized not too long after they hit the highway for home. In the passenger seat next to him, Rayna looked awful, wiggling all over the front seat of the truck trying to get comfortable, and her face just looked a terrible shade of green.

"I think you need to see the doctor when we get back," Deacon said quietly, so the girls wouldn't overhear. "Like tonight."

"I'm fine," Rayna insisted, wincing and pressing against the side of her stomach. "And I'm seeing the doctor on Wednesday," she grumbled. "My due date isn't for two more weeks, and I was late with both of the girls. He's not going anywhere."

"Well this isn't the girls," Deacon said firmly. "And you look like hell."

She glared at him. "You do not," she enunciated. "Tell a giant miserable 9 months pregnant woman that she looks like hell, Deacon!"

Maddie and Daphne watched from the backseat with wide eyes.

"She's not gonna have him right now or something is she?" Daphne whispered.

Maddie poked her. "Shut up, dummy! Dad wouldn't let that happen."

Deacon silenced them with an exasperated look, and then turned back to her.

"Rayna," he said calmly. "Call the doctor. Or I will."

########################################

By the next morning, she was no longer in any shape to argue with him, and they were in the doctor's office by 9 am.

"You should have brought that hospital bag you packed," Deacon said as they sat in the waiting room listening for the nurse to call her name.

"I won't need it." Rayna insisted stubbornly. "We'll be back home in two hours." But she winced, and gasped a little as her stomach tightened. Besides all the other discomforts, false labor contractions had started a few weeks ago already.

Deacon just looked at her and didn't say a word.

The nurse called her name then, and he helped her to her feet.

After the usual vital things, the doctor came in a few minutes later.

Deacon listened, getting not only worried but a little pissed off as Rayna admitted to the doctor that she'd been having dizzy spells and feeling sick for the last week.

"It's not only that," she added. "Something about the way he's laying doesn't feel right. I don't know, it's just…off. It's not the same as it was with my girls. His feet feel like they're coming out any second, and it hurts like hell."

Dr. Martin listened intently and nodded. "The reason you're probably having some nausea and dizziness is your blood pressure is high, but why don't we do an ultrasound, just to check positioning, and then go from there," he suggested.

Deacon stared at her. "Jesus, why didn't you tell me that?" he demanded. "I never would have let you ride all the way up to the cabin in the truck."

She was too exhausted to argue with him.

"You were right," she murmured, as she laid back on the table and closed her eyes, feeling absolutely miserable, and the baby felt like he literally was going to kick his way out through her belly button. "Don't make me say it again."

He didn't give a damn who was right. At that moment, it was pretty hard not to be anything but worried about both of them.

In a minute, it was the same routine they'd been through a few other times in the last months, and Deacon watched the doctor squeeze on the gross jelly stuff and run the wand over Rayna's stomach.

"Looks like you were right too," the Doctor said cheerfully, gesturing toward the black and white imagine on the screen. "That's definitely some tiny feet that are not where they are supposed to be."

_Dammit_, Rayna thought silently, her heart sinking. There went all the carefully made delivery room plans. _I knew this going way too easy_.

"You gotta clue me in here," Deacon said, glancing at her worriedly, his eyebrows furrowing.

"He means the baby is breech."

"What the hell does _that _mean?"

"He's upside down," she sighed.

"And it means we're scheduling a c-section as soon as possible," the doctor added. "It's not worth taking any chances. He's fairly large, and your blood pressure is very high, which can signal pre-eclampsia."

"So we're having him today," Deacon was still trying to shake the stunned look off his face.

_Damn, I thought we had two weeks. _

"Yes, you are. You can go right over to the hospital from here. I'll have the nurse at the front desk call and let them know you're coming."

He might have been sitting there silently panicking, but Rayna had never looked so relieved. "Yes please," she said. "Just get him out of me. That would be so great."

Everything happened in such a blur after that, that neither of them had much time to think, checking Rayna into the hospital, calling Tandy and the girls, making arrangements for Bucky to drop off that bag that she had insisted she didn't need.

They had a quiet moment before the nurses came to take them into the O.R., and Deacon sat on the edge of the bed next to her, fixing up the strings on the back of the hospital gown she already detested.

"All good," he said, kissing her neck. "Gotta love these getups they give you. I remember way too well."

"Kinda like déjà vu, huh," Rayna said softly, thinking of that week they'd spent in the hospital after his surgery. "At least we're here for a happy reason this time."

"Yep," he reached for her hand and squeezed it hard. "Let's never come back after this, alright?"

She laughed. "Can't argue with you there. You ready for this?"

"Guess as ready as I'll ever be." He smiled. "I know you are."

"I am," she admitted. "I can't wait to see his face."

He reached over and ran his hand lightly over her stomach. He got kicked in the palm in response. "Me too."

"Alright," a nurse in scrubs walked into the room cheerfully. "Let's go meet your baby."

##############################################

It went so fast, Rayna thought as she laid there on the table, numb from the chest down, thinking of all the hours of labor she'd gone through with both of the girls. Almost too fast. Too easy. Deacon stood next to her in the scrubs they'd given him.

"Alright," the doctor's voice rang out on the other side of the blue sheet. "Here we go."

"I'm right here, Ray." Deacon murmured, his hand stroking her face. "You can't feel anything, right?"

"Not a thing," she said, trying to force a smile.

"You scared?"

"A little," she admitted. "Don't tell."

He kissed her forehead. "Just a few minutes, Baby, and he'll be here."

She closed her eyes.

And finally, they both heard one of the nurses announce. "Here he is!"

Rayna could only watch Deacon's face, and she knew the exact he saw him, the way his eyes changed. A minute later, the sound of a lusty wail filled the air.

Tears ran freely down the side of her face. "Can you see him? Is okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah," Deacon said, somewhere halfway between laughing and crying. "He's beautiful, Ray. Kinda gross right now, but they're cleaning him off and he's kicking his feet like crazy. He's a big one, I think. Not that I'd know I guess but he looks pretty big."

"He's a nice big boy," the nurses were saying. "Got a good set of lungs on him, too. Maybe you'll have another musician in the family."

They swaddled him up, and one of the nurses carried him over. "Here you go, Daddy."

It was the most powerful thing Rayna had ever seen, watching them put their son in Deacon's arms. He didn't hesitate for a second, like all the doubts of the past couple months had just melted away. It just looked so right, so perfect, like the culmination of everything they'd ever fought for. _This is_ _it,_ she thought through her tears. _This is what made it all worth it. _

The baby didn't cry now, just peered up at him with tiny dark eyes.

"Hey there," Deacon said softly as he cradled him in the crook of his arm. "We're gonna have a lot of fun together, you and your sisters and me. And your mama too. She's right here." He brought him down next to Rayna's face.

Tears were still running from her eyes, and she kissed the top of his sweet baby head, aching to hold him. On the other side of the blue sheet, though, the doctors were still fixing her up. It would be awhile before she got him in her arms.

"We're going to take him to get weighed and measured and checked out now by the pediatrician," the nurse said with an apologetic smile after a few minutes. "And get mom to her room."

"We have to give him back?" Deacon reluctantly handed the baby over.

"Just for a little while," the nurse said with a laugh. "Then you get him for the next 18 years."

#######################################################

When Rayna woke again, she was in her private room.

Deacon was sitting in the chair next to the bed, with the tiny bundle in his arms, talking to him softly.

"Hey there, mama," he said with the biggest smile she'd ever seen. "You want your little boy?"

She hurt all over, and the numbness was definitely wearing off, and the pain was starting to set in. But she wouldn't have traded it for anything.

"Hey," she said with a tired smile. "Of course."

Deacon gently settled the baby in her arms, and it struck her already, how naturally he could fall into such a thing, like he'd been doing it forever. A part of her hurt so badly, knowing he had missed this with Maddie.

"Oh Deacon, he's beautiful," she said reverently, examining every finger, the curve of his tiny nose, the light dusting of dark hair across the top of his head. She wondered how it was possible to fall so in love with someone you'd just met, but she was. Instantly.

"That he is," he agreed, settling on the bed next to them. "You did good, Ray."

"We," she corrected softly, unable to keep her eyes off that solemn little sleeping face. "We made him, can you believe that? Such a perfect little thing. He looks like Maddie did. And she looks like you. The girls are going to be over the moon to see him."

"Talked to them earlier," Deacon said. "They'll be here with Tandy soon."

"Maddie?"

"She's…not as excited as Daphne, to say the least. I think she'll come around when she sees him, thought. I hope."

Rayna nodded, digesting that fact.

"He still needs a name," Deacon reminded, reaching out to run his thumb across a tiny hand. "I've been sitting here trying to decide what he looks like of all those names we talked about, and nothing seems right."

"I want to name him after you," Rayna said quietly. "I want something with meaning behind it, a name he can be proud of."

He shook his head. "Ray, he needs a better name than mine. I don't want people calling my boy freakin' anything."

"Babe….I really think we should name him after you. It feels right. We can call him by his middle name if that makes you feel better," she insisted.

Deacon looked down at the sleepy face. The baby squinted and yawned, and snuffled his hand around his mouth, already looking for his thumb. The pride in his heart was overwhelming.

"If that's really what you want, Darlin."

"It is," Rayna said with a smile. "He's gonna have to make his place in the world, and he'll need a good strong name to do it."

"Then that's what we'll do."

True to her word, Tandy showed up a few hours later. Daphne clamored in the room right behind her, her arms full of presents and stuffed animals. Maddie was a little more hesitant in making her appearance known.

Daphne dropped all the stuff in her arms on the sofa, and came over by her mom. She peered down at the baby where he nestled in Rayna's arms. "Oh, he's so little," she breathed. "Can I hold him first?"

"Not really little," Deacon said wryly, standing up from where he'd been dozing on the chair in the corner. "9 lbs. No wonder your mama was so miserable."

Maddie hung back a little in the room, the uncertainty written all over her face.

Rayna shot Deacon a knowing look. The last couple weeks had been hard on Maddie, the closer it got to her due date. At one point there'd been a knock out, screaming drag out fight where she demanded she was moving in with Teddy until she graduated high school. "_Absolutely not", Rayna and Deacon both said in unison as Maddie stood in her room shoving clothes into a bag. "Why do you even care," Maddie cried through teary eyes, gesturing towards Deacon. "He doesn't need me anymore anyways. He's getting a son." _

Rayna knew those words had cut Deacon to the heart. Maddie had not been allowed to leave, and she'd apologized later, but the tension still hung in the air. Even at the cabin she'd been more quiet than usual.

"Hey," Deacon said, crossing the room to give Maddie a hard hug. "How bout you and me take a walk? I could use some coffee."

Maddie looked at her mom.

"It's okay," Rayna smiled. "He'll still be here when you get back."

The relief on Maddie's face was evident as they left the room.

"Well, he's got long fingers and he's loud," Tandy said wryly as she settled into a chair with the baby in her arms. He'd immediately protested at being removed from his mama, and let out a wail. "No mistaking he belongs to the two of you."

Rayna smiled. "Deacon and Maddie will have a guitar in his hands before he can walk."

"You look happy," Tandy said quietly. "And he's beautiful. Guess timing is everything, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Rayna smiled, thinking of all they'd gone through in the past few years. Sure, maybe it had taken awhile to get it right, but this right here. The girls, their baby…their family. It was everything. They'd just had to get the timing right. "I guess it is."

#############################################

Maddie was quiet as they walked down the hall, stopping for the requested coffee at the vending machine, then standing at the window that looked out onto the courtyard watching people sit in the sunshine.

"I know it's hard for you," Deacon spoke first. "It's hard for me too. I wasn't there when you were born. I didn't get to go through any of this the first time. It doesn't make him any more important than you. It just makes it different."

Tears blurred Maddie's eyes. "Everything's going to be a lot different now," she blurted out. "I mean, I knew it would, but now that he's here…."

Deacon nodded. "It is. Your mom has done this before twice, but me? I'm gonna need a lot of help from you and your sister, because to be honest? I have no idea what I'm doing. This is trial by fire for me. You, you're easy. All I gotta do is love you and give you a good talkin-to once in awhile. You do a pretty good job of keeping yourself alive."

She laughed a little and swiped at the tears on her face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Maddie," he said softly. "But I'm here now, and we're a family. We got a lot of stuff we need to teach that little guy. He needs a dad, but he needs his big sisters too. Both of them."

She got real quiet, just staring out the window. Thinking.

_She's always been a thinker,_ Deacon thought silently. So much like him in some ways, and so much like Rayna in others. More like him, he knew that.

With a sigh, he drained the rest of the coffee, and tossed the cup into a garbage nearby.

"Can we go back now?" Maddie asked tentatively. "I don't want to make mom feel bad that we left."

A smile crossed his face, and he slung an arm over her shoulders as they walked. Maddie would be okay. Sure, they were all in for a hell of a life adjustment, but they'd face it like they had everything in the last year: together.

Back in the room, Daphne had already laid claim on her new baby brother, and was sitting next to Rayna on the bed, admiring every tiny piece of him and kissing his head, proclaiming him "the cutest baby in the world".

"Don't tell Juliette that," Maddie said wryly as they walked in.

"Hey, sweetheart." Rayna patted the spot on the bed next to her. "Come sit."

"Hi, Mom," Maddie sank onto the bed next to her tentatively. "Can I hold him?"

"Of course." Rayna handed over the baby, and they all watched as Maddie cradled him carefully.

Maddie's face broke into a smile of wonderment. "Look, Dad, he opened his eyes. I think he's looking at me."

Deacon leaned over them to look at the baby. "He sure is."

"What are we going to call him?" Daphne asked, tilting her head.

"Well," Rayna looked at Deacon and smiled. "We decided we're going to name him after Deacon, so we'll call him by his middle name…"

"Johnny," Maddie finished, looking down at him. A tiny hand wrapped around her finger, and her heart melted. "That's a great name. Johnny Claybourne."

The baby in Maddie's arms made a fussing noise.

"Don't cry, little guy," Daphne said, leaning over to pat his head. "Maddie, lets sing to him."

Maddie rocked him gently. "I like that idea."

Rayna leaned her head on Deacon's shoulder and watched their girls with him, and the love she had overflowed. There really were no words.

Deacon kissed her forehead. "Luckiest little guy in the world already."

"Remember that song you used to sing us when I was little?" Maddie asked her mom. "I remember being on the tour bus with you and you singing it….and when Daphne was a baby…"

Rayna stared at her. "You remember that? My goodness, I had the worst time trying to get you to sleep on that bus. That was the only song that would do the trick."

"I remember a little," Maddie said, and her voice rang out softly. "Sweet dreams til sunbeams find you, sweet dreams that leave all your worries behind you…."

"But in your dreams, whatever they may be, dream a little dream for me." Deacon finished the next line, and Maddie looked up surprised. He had a stunned expression on his face, and his eyes looked blurry. "Your grandma used to sing that to me and Bev when we were little," he said, clearing his throat. "One night you were on the bus with your mama, and you were maybe about a year old, putting up such a fuss. I sat up with you so she could sleep. And I sang you that song."

Maddie started to cry, and Rayna couldn't hold back her own tears.

"He did," she said softly. "And after that, that was the only song you ever wanted. I sang it to you every night for years. And Daphne too."

"So I guess you sang me to sleep after all," Maddie said, looking down at her baby brother. "Now we can sing it to him." She started in and little at a time the rest of them joined in.

_ Stars shining bright above you _

_ Night breezes seems to whisper "I love you" _

_ Birds singing in the sycamore trees _

_ Dream a little dream of me _

_ Say nighty-night and kiss me _

_ Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me _

_ When I'm alone and blue as can be _

_ Dream a little dream of me _

_ Sweet dreams til the sunbeams find you _

_ Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you _

_ But in your dreams, whatever they may be. _

_ Dream a little dream of me _

When they finished the song, the baby had settled back into sleep, and Maddie handed him back to Rayna's waiting arms and sat down next to her dad.

"My sweet little boy," Rayna said softly, gazing down at him. "Welcome to the family, Deacon John Claybourne Jr. We'll sing and laugh and sometimes probably cuss and fight, but most of all, we'll love you through anything, Johnny."

"Cuz that's what we do, right?" Daphne said, pressing one more kiss to the baby's head. "We love each other through anything. That's the most important."

_Yeah,_ Deacon thought, studying all of their faces in turn. His eyes landed on Rayna's, and her "I love you" didn't have to be spoken for him to feel it. It was in them, in the room, in this circle that was their family, in their girls and the baby in her arms.

_Cuz that's what we do. _

**The lullaby was Ella Fitzgerald, Dream a Little Dream. Thanks for reading!**


	15. Chapter 15

** EPILOGUE**

**A year later…**

"Come on, Lil J," Maddie was holding Johnny's tiny chubby hands in hers as he stood on wobbly legs. A few feet away, Daphne was crouched down on her knees, beckoning him forward.

Rayna watched from the kitchen counter, where she was unpacking Chinese boxes that had just been delivered for dinner. She shook her head with a smile. "He's not gonna do it, Maddie. I told you, he's a stubborn little guy. I think it'll be a few weeks before he walks yet."

They'd just celebrated Johnny's first birthday a month before with way too many presents and a huge backyard bash. The little boy with his fine dark hair and big blue eyes was the light of all their lives. He just stood there and giggled at his sisters. He wasn't budging.

"When's Dad getting back?" Maddie asked, giving up on the walking. She scooped Johnny up and tickled him until he shrieked with glee, and Daphne soon joined in. "I'm so glad he's coming home."

A little boy could never ask for two better sisters, Rayna thought, watching them with affection. They completely doted on him, especially Maddie.

"Should be any second," Rayna said, glancing at the phone laying on the counter. "I really thought he would have called by now."

Deacon had been on tour the better part of the last four months now. His own tour, as the headliner. The last time he'd been home had been the weekend of Johnny's birthday.

It had been a hard decision for all of them for him to go back out on tour.

"_You need to go,"_ Rayna had said when they talked about it one night. His opening gigs for Luke, and for a couple other big names had definitely brought attention his way, and fans were clamoring for more.

_Deacon looked down at the baby boy sleeping across his lap, shaking his head vehemently. "4 months is a long time, Ray. I missed it all with Maddie. I don't want to miss it with him." _

_ "It is," she agreed. "But you know what? I think it's your turn, Babe. I'm done with the spotlight for right now. I'm happy just running Highway 65 and being here with him and you and the girls. But you? I don't think you are. And really, you know we have Skype and Facetime and all that now. We'll come out a couple times a month when we can, and you'll come home…I just want you to think about it. I don't want you to look back and say you missed your chance again, Deacon."_

So he went. And as bad as Rayna knew he missed them, she knew he was having fun out there on the road, finally getting that chance to be the frontman. It wasn't a huge tour, but nevertheless the dates were sold out in almost every city. A couple released singles were flying up the charts, and an album for Highway 65 was in the works for next year.

And she missed him just as much.

Rayna sighed, and glanced down at her phone again.

The sound of the front door opened had all three of them turning around, and then he was there, in the archway.

"Anybody miss me?" He asked, a huge grin on his face

Rayna's face broke into a relieved smile. "Do you really have to ask?"

In Maddie's arms, Johnny saw his daddy and pushed against her to get down. "Da!" he yelled.

Maddie and Daphne had been valiantly trying to get him to say their names, but so far all they were getting was Mama, Da, and "no."

Laughing, Maddie set him on his tiny feet.

Rayna sucked in her breath and they all watched as Johnny let go of Maddie's knee and took one tiny uneven step at a time in Deacon's direction, then another, and another, until he cautiously had crossed the small space.

"Oh my god, he's walking!" Maddie exclaimed. "I can't believe it."

With tears in his eyes, Deacon scooped Johnny up, laughing, and hugged him close. "Well if that ain't the best welcome home a guy could ever have."

"I can't believe it," Daphne grinned. "We've been trying to get him to do that for days!"

"I told you he was stubborn," Rayna said, crossing the space to hug both of them. "He was just waiting for his daddy. Welcome back."

Deacon leaned over Johnny's head to kiss her. "Baby, it's sure good to be home."

After a family dinner where the girls talked nonstop, valiantly trying to fill him on everything he'd missed, Rayna was content to let Deacon give Johnny his bath and put him to bed.

She went looking for him a few hours later and found them asleep on the sofa in the music room.

There were storybooks strewn around him, and Johnny was sleeping tucked under his arm.

_My boys_, Rayna thought with a smile. She still marveled every day at how much their lives had changed.

Deacon stirred and opened his eyes.

"Hey," she whispered. "I'm gonna go carry him upstairs."

"I'll do it," he murmured. He scooped him up and Johnny fell limply against his shoulder, his eyes not even blinking. That kid could sleep through a hurricane. They'd definitely struck it lucky in that department.

Deacon deposited him in his crib, and covered him with his coveted blankie.

"Sweet dreams, buddy." He said softly, reaching out to run a hand across his dark hair. Johnny barely moved, only enough to get his thumb firmly planted in his mouth.

Rayna waited for him in the hallway, and they walked back downstairs hand in hand, settling on the sofa. Enjoying the silence, and the peace, and finally him being home. The house always felt half-empty to her when he was gone.

"How bout that little guy, huh?" He said, laughing quietly. "He's something else."

"He sure is. I missed you," she said with a sigh, laying her head on his chest.

"Me too, baby," Deacon kissed her forehead. "It'll be nice to have a break for a few months now. Spend some time with you and Johnny and the girls and work on that album and all. And finally get to the wedding. How's plans going for that? Or should I even ask?"

They'd been trying to plan some semblance of a wedding for the past year, and one thing or another seemed to keep getting in the way. Deacon would have been happy with 10 minutes in a courthouse in front of a judge, but he knew she didn't want that. She wanted their friends and family there to celebrate with them. But she also didn't want the craziness that accompanied the news of two country music celebrities tying the knot.

Rayna made a face. "I told you I don't want it turning into a public spectacle, and that's exactly what it is. I swear, I'm starting to wonder about there being a leak at the office because every single time I think I've found a good date, or a nice private location, the damn press finds out. I'm ready to just take you up on that courthouse idea."

"Hey now, you don't really want that," Deacon said with a knowing smile. "I know you don't. And you deserve more than that, Ray."

"I _don't_ want that," she admitted. She twisted the silver ring on her finger. "But really… I just want to be your wife, Deacon. We waited so long and we went through so much…."

Deacon got real quiet, pulling her in, burying his face in her hair, just breathing in the scent of her shampoo and the feel of her against his shoulder. The road had been good, alright.

But this…the woman he loved in his arms, his kids asleep upstairs…this was _living. _

"What are you thinking?" Rayna sighed.

"I'll figure something out," he said, smoothing her hair off her face and brushing a kiss across her lips. "Trust me."

"You know I always do, Babe."

**############################### **

"Who's playing here tonight?" Rayna asked, confused and a little disappointed, as they pulled into the Bluebird parking lot. "I thought we were going out for dinner?"

The last few weeks since he'd been home had been so crazy, they'd barely gotten any time alone together. She'd been thrilled and quick to agree when Deacon suggested that they could use a night out to themselves.

"Just need to make a stop and pick up something," Deacon said, trying to keep it casual. In all reality, his nerves were shot. For the last two weeks, he'd been worrying about one of the girls accidentally blowing the surprise he had planned. So far, it had gone off without a hitch, almost too easy.

"You want me to wait out here for you if you're just running in?"

"Nah, come in," he said as he went around to her side of the truck and opened the door. "Erin will want to say hi."

With a sigh, Rayna got out and he took her hand. "You know we're going to be late for dinner."

She smoothed her white lace dress over her knees. Maddie and Daphne had picked it out.

"It'll be fine," he said, leaning over to steal a kiss. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight? That's the perfect dress."

"The girls insisted on this one," she smiled, and tucked her arm into his. "Deacon, what on earth are you up to?"

"Just happy, is all," he said, squeezing her hand as he opened the door and they walked in.

Rayna was stunned when she realized the room was full of their closest friends and family. Daphne and Maddie were in holding court in front of the crowd all dressed up. Tandy was there too, Johnny wriggling in her arms in a little suit and vest.

"What on earth?" she said, staring at the girls. "You were all at home in pajamas an hour ago." She glanced at Deacon, who had the biggest grin she'd ever seen. "I don't understand. It's not my birthday. What is this?"

"It's us," Deacon said, taking her hands in both of his, his eyes earnest. "Welcome to our wedding, Ray. Marry me. Right now, right here. In front of everyone we love. This is where it should be, right here where we started."

Rayna didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Instead, she just said yes.

################################################################

**5 YEARS LATER **

"Yes, thank you. We'll be there shortly."

Rayna hung up her phone, horrified, and walked down the hall to where Deacon was in the middle of a recording session.

She signaled him to come out, and puzzled, he set down his guitar and came into the booth where she waited.

"What's the matter?"

She took a deep breath. "We have to go deal with a little…problem. Can you finish this up later?"

"I guess,"

"Johnny's school called. Deacon, they said he's in the principal's office for hitting another kid at recess."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "You're kidding. They send kindergartners to the principal's office?"

"I am not kidding!" Rayna exclaimed. "How is this even possible? It's the first day, he's only been there 5 hours!"

"Well he didn't look too happy when we dropped him off, that's for sure."

_** "**__School is dumb. I want to stay home with you and Daddy,"_ Johnny had announced as they stood on the front steps of the school saying goodbye and Rayna snapping all the pictures she could get with her phone. Her last baby, off to his first day of kindergarten. Rayna was ready to shed tears, and he was standing there with his arms crossed like the stubborn little thing he was, refusing to smile.

"_Come on," Deacon had coaxed him with a little whisper in his ear. "Give your mama one good smile, and I'll let you play the Merle Haggard guitar with me when we get home." _

_ The kid sighed heavily, and then he turned and gave his mom the biggest, fakest smile possible. _

_ "Now go on get in your line, see ya later," Deacon said, rifling his hair, trying not to grin as Johnny reluctantly joined the line with all other little kids in their new sneakers and new backpacks. _

And here they were, not even through the first day and back at the school already.

"I never in all my life," Rayna grumbled as they walked through the halls and into the school office. "Is this what all moms of boys go through? I never went through this with Maddie and Daphne. Not once. Did you ever get sent to the principal's office when you were a kid?"

Deacon winced. "Do you really want the answer to that?"

Johnny was sitting on a chair, swinging his legs with such a mulish look on his face that Rayna would have found comical, how much he looked like Deacon, if she wasn't so exasperated.

Yes, even at 5 years old Johnny Claybourne was a force to be reckoned with.

Principal Taylor shook their hands and motioned them to sit. She didn't even look angry, but almost amused. "Like I told you on the phone," she said. "We had a problem with Johnny hitting another student on the playground. Johnny, would you like to tell your parents what happened?"

Johnny squirmed under their gazes. "I said something and Cooper didn't believe me."

"What could he have possibly said," Deacon asked sternly. "That made it okay to hit him in the stomach?"

Johnny stuck his chin out. "I said my dad was freakin' Deacon Claybourne and he called me a liar."

Rayna choked on the bottle of water she was drinking from.

Ah, now she understood why the principal might have been hiding a smile.

Even Deacon was having a damn hard time hiding his smirk behind his hand.

"That is no excuse to hit anyone," Rayna said firmly. "And you are a smart little boy, and you know better than that."

"Fighting is very serious of course," the principal said. "But considering he's only in kindergarten and it is the first day, we will let it go with you signing a disciplinary letter." She looked at the little boy. "If this happens again, I have to suspend you, and I don't want to have to do that. Do you understand? We have rules to keep everybody safe."

Johnny didn't know what "suspend" was, but it sounded bad. "Yes, ma'am." He lowered his eyes.

"Now since it's the end of the day, you can retrieve your backpack and leave with your mom and dad, Johnny."

Deacon and Rayna walked out of the school with Johnny walking between them.

"Do I still get to play the Merle guitar with you?" He asked his dad hopefully.

Rayna raised her eyebrows and looked at Deacon. _You are not going to reward him for fighting at school._

With a sigh, he looked down at his son. "You'll have to wait for another day. Fighting doesn't get rewarded, Johnny."

Johnny's expression signaled his defeat.

Rayna eyed up the kids in front of the school waiting for their parents to pick them up.

"Which one is Cooper?" she asked.

Johnny pointed to a boy standing off to one side, who was about two heads taller than him.

"Oh good lord," Rayna muttered. "Our kindergartner is beating up second graders. Just great, Deacon. Just great."

"Go apologize," Deacon pointed to the other kid.

"Aw, Daddy," Johnny muttered. "It was his fault."

Rayna opened her mouth to speak, and Deacon held up a hand. "How bout you wait in the truck and let me handle this one?" he said quietly.

Reluctantly, she left the two of them standing there and headed for the truck.

Deacon walked Johnny over to where the notorious Cooper was just meeting up with his parents.

"Hey there, he said to them and the kid. "I'm Johnny's dad. He has something he wants to say to you."

The kid looked Deacon up and down, then looked at Johnny.

Johnny gave him a satisfied look as if to say _see, I told you so._ _I told you he was my dad_.

"Sorry called you a liar," Cooper said reluctantly.

"Sorry I punched your guts," Johnny said.

The kid's parents were looking on both boys sternly as well. Deacon introduced himself, and shook their hands, talked for a few minutes. Then he turned to snag Johnny to go.

"Maybe you can come play," he heard Johnny tell the kid. "At my house."

"Maybe," Cooper looked interested.

"Another day," Deacon said. "Your mama's waiting for us now."

Rayna watched through the windshield as they walked towards the truck, big and little, Deacon's hand across his shoulders.

"It's all good." Deacon said as he opened the door and Johnny clamored in and climbed over the seat to get in the back.

"Yep," Johnny said cheerfully, back to their sunny blue-eyed boy. "I said sorry, Mama. We're friends now."

"I will never understand boys," Rayna said with a sigh.

Deacon leaned over and smacked a kiss on her cheek. "But you love us anyway, huh?"

Rayna couldn't help but smile.

Because that part, of course, was the easiest part of all.

##############################################

**10 years later **

"You ready for this, son?" Deacon asked as they stood in the wings at the Ryman and watched Rayna, Maddie and Daphne performing onstage together. The crowd for the exclusive Claybournes performance was sold-out, every seat in the place filled. He and Rayna had done a few songs earlier, the girls were performing together now, and all five of them would be going out later to do a few numbers as well.

It was rare in the last few years to get time for all of them to do a show like this, with Daphne busy in college and Maddie off making her own place on music row and helping Rayna run Highway 65.

There hadn't been much "home" time in the last year. Him and Rayna had finally decided to do that solo tour they'd always talked about doing, so they'd been out on the road, and Johnny with them.

It hadn't taken long to figure out, that like his sisters, their boy was a born musician. He was 10 now, tall and skinny with hands and feet that seemed like they were growing much faster than the rest of him, and a knack for banging out pretty good rhythms on his dad's guitars.

Deacon couldn't have been prouder.

Johnny nodded, trying to act like he wasn't nervous. He'd been onstage with his parents and sisters lots of times, but this was the biggest crowd and biggest stage, and he was singing a solo, not playing. And tonight it was the first time it'd be just him and his dad up there for a song.

"Alright, my boys," Rayna said as they came off the stage. She hugged Johnny and snagged a kiss from her husband of 10 years. "It's your turn."

"Knock em, dead." Maddie and Daphne both hugged their little brother.

The crowd cheered as Johnny followed his dad out onstage. He tried to remember what Maddie always told him. _Just pick a spot over everybody's heads, Johnny, and keep your eyes on that. Then they all think you're looking at em, and you don't get nervous. _

"Well, this is kind of a big night for us," his dad was saying. "Because this is Johnny's first solo, and we're real proud of him. We're also real glad to be back home here in Nashville. Any musician will tell you how hard life is on the road, and how much you miss your family. This is a song I wrote one of those missin' nights awhile back. Guess you could say it's about this guy here."

Johnny stepped up to the mic, and he made sure his voice wasn't gonna shake. "This is my song," he said. "It's called _Bluebonnets_."

His dad gave him a smile and launched into the first verse of the song and Johnny came in without hesitation on the second verse.

_ Hair blowin' in the wind _

_ Wonder what you pretend you are _

_ When you run _

_ Bandana on your head _

_ Your face is turning red _

_ You throw it down to the ground _

_ When you are done _

_ I'll think of you _

_ When the blue bonnets bloom _

_ When the blue bonnets bloom _

_ I'll think of you _

_You always seem to make me laugh _

_ When you ask me "what is that?" _

_ A million times _

_ And you know _

_ Little things that you do _

_ They are the things that get me through _

_ When I'm up to my hips in snow _

_I'll think of you _

_ When the blue bonnets bloom _

_ When the blue bonnets bloom _

_ I'll think of you _

_Another night I'm working hard _

_ Another night, another bar _

_ A million miles outta touch _

_ Say your prayers, say my name _

_ Keep it fresh on your brain _

_ And don't forget _

_ That I love you this much _

_I__'ll think of you _

_ When the blue bonnets bloom _

_ When the blue bonnets bloom_

_ I'll think of you _

"He's got it, Mom," Maddie said standing next to her, shaking her head with a smile. "You're never going to keep him off the stage now."

From the side of the stage, Rayna caught Deacon's eye over Johnny's head. The pride on his face was unmistakeable as they stood up and the crowd gave them a standing ovation. Johnny had a huge grin on his face as they walked to the wings.

So much of Deacon she saw in that smile every day.

"I did good, right Mom?" Johnny asked hopefully.

"You did amazing." Rayna said, unable to hide the tears in her eyes as she hugged him before he ran off to talk to Juliette's daughter Josie, who had appeared backstage with her father.

"Wasn't that great?" Deacon said as he pulled her into his arms, and they stood together near the side of the stage. Maddie was onstage herself now. "Damn, Ray, I was so proud of him. And look at that crowd. It's good to be home."

Rayna sighed contentedly and leaned her head against his chest, thinking of all their battles, how far they'd come, and all the good, sweet, happy moments just like tonight that went along with all that. "You know it doesn't really matter if we're here in Nashville, or on the road, Deacon. As long as we're somewhere with you, we're always home."

**"BlueBonnets" I borrowed from Cody Canada (of The Departed), you can find it on Spotify or Youtube, him singing it with his little boy. GREAT song!**

**I had way too much fun with this last chapter and little Mr. Johnny Claybourne. Thank you so much everybody for reading and reviewing! This is the end of this story, but I'm sure I'll have something new soon! -Amy**


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